Okay, my husband of 17 years is always accusing me of cheating (fyi... I'm attractive and he's not). Any way... he finds a receipt in the street by my car, with some Corona's on it and thinks it's mine! So he accused of me going to a bar with someone basically. He kept me up all night until 2:00 A.M and I had to get up at 6:00 am. He was questioning me, calling me names, and turning up the TV loud, sitting on me, yelling in my face to tell him the truth. At this point... I really hate him. I want out! I can't stand him any more! His behavior isn't normal, it's weird and I think he needs psychological help. I’m a good person and I have never cheated, it’s not in my nature. I can’t take it any more though. We have a house we just bought 2 years ago, which I can’t afford by myself. Any advice?
2007-06-26 05:46:36 · 52 answers · asked by luv2help 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay... for those of you who said "I'm full of myself." The only reason I said. that I'm attractive and he's not is so you could understand where his insane jealousy comes from. For a man to take his wife for granite and not to appreciate her for every thing she does is wrong. I am the victim here, not him! I am a caring person who is non confrontational who deserves to be treating right.
2007-06-26 08:25:59 · update #1
One of the things I have observed in life is that a person can only trust another as far as they can trust themselves. This may mean that he has, or has at least thought about, straying or leaving. His fears of you leaving him are driving him nuts. He has low self esteem.
In truth, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. You can only take good care of yourself. You might want to talk to an objective professional before you make any rash decisions. Good luck. I think you deserve better treatment....so please treat yourself well.
2007-06-26 05:53:48 · answer #1 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound completely full of youreslf. You're attractive but he isn't? Get real lady. You can't classify every argument as abuse. You're just itching for an excuse to bail. If you committed for life then get counseling. It sounds like you need some therapy as well.
UPADTE:
And by the way - it's "granted" not "granite". I'm still not buying it honey. Sorry. NO ONE is perfect in a marriage. You signed up for life. So get counseling - dont try to find a way out. Just because you have a jealous husband does not mean he's abusive or that you should divorce him. You mentioned you deserve better - well that's fantastic but I'm sure he's feeling the same way. I dont buy for 1 second that you are 100% perfect and innocent. There are two stories to every situation. We're only hearing yours.
2007-06-26 06:19:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is abusive behavior...I was with a control freak for 17 years ( 13-30yrs old) and have two great kids but the emotional abuse was way too much and now I have been away from him for 11 years and I couldn't be happier I married the best man and he never not even once tells me what to do or where to go or what time to come home I feel free. The best part of this is my ex is with some one else and he has not changed a bit the girl he is with wanted him when I had him well be careful with what you wish for :) The house is just materialistic not worth your sanity. Living in an apartment with your freedom is worth so much more...
2007-06-26 06:04:02 · answer #3 · answered by Robin A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already know the answer to your question. However, you are only seeing half of it. Because you are married, it is not that "He" needs help. It should be "We" need help. Even if it turns out these are issues that he has concocted in his own mind, the best thing you can do as his spouse is "try" to help. He is definitely wrong to accuse you of something you did not do, and no spouse should abuse the other ....EVER. But there may be some insecurities involved, and there may be a few things you can do to help him. But you have to want to. Like everyone else here, I say seek counseling, but not just for him. For you as well, because from what you say you have been dealing with this for a long time.
2007-06-26 06:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by dayhawk4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think it's slightly your fault. "I'm attractive and he's not". What kind of thing is that to say about your husband? If you're in a relationship with him you should find him attractive and make him feel wanted and make him feel like you actually love him. My advice to you is to look deep within yourself and ask yourself why you married him in the first place if you weren't attracted to him, if you discover that you truly care about him then you need to look at what you've been doing to cause him to feel like you've been cheating on him. Late nights out with the "girls"? Working late? If you really care about him try to modify your behavior slightly, and show a bit more interest in him and see how things go. If you find that you dont want to be with him, sit him down and tell him that his behavior is driving you insane and that you want to sell the house and get a divorce. There's nothing more to the situation. Good luck.
2007-06-26 05:56:19 · answer #5 · answered by posietide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're funny, and you're absolutely right. Talk to a lawyer first before you put your house up for sale. If you can't afford it on your own, it's your only option. Why struggle just to hold on to a house. It will make you miserable. Two years should have earned you some equity, but of course, any profit you'd have to split with him. Oh well, small price to pay in my opinion.
Your husband is insecure cause he's ugly inside and out and you're not. You can always go find someone better, and he'd just have to settle for someone else.
2007-06-26 05:56:32 · answer #6 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you already knew the answer to the question before you asked it. So basically you want advice. Since you can't afford to make the house payment by yourself, leave and if you choose to divorce him, then make sure you get half of all assets. States have different laws, and I'm not sure what state you are in, but if it applies then go for it.
2007-06-26 05:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by janeyr 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is abusive behavior. While getting help to afford the house might take some legal work with the lawyers in a divorce settlement you might be able to get what you feel you deserve from this long relationship.
2007-06-26 05:52:47 · answer #8 · answered by BB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok well what you should do is while you are at work and not busy or on your brake you should start looking for an apartment. but since you all stay together, as much as possible try not to argue with him, just basically keep your space with him. then you start ignoring him and then he is going to be curious and then want you more. but once you find you a place to stay then start your life over again. MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET DIVORCE PAPERS!!!
2007-06-26 06:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to stay with him, you both need counseling, fast.
If not, then find a divorce attorney and begin process of separating from your husband. It is very important that you find someone that specializes in divorce and that you don't wait to do it.
If your husband has as many problems as you say, he will probably try to make this very hard on you. Just stick to your guns and get the best attorney you can afford.
2007-06-26 05:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by T the D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋