The majority of the responses I received to an earlier question about a disconnect between my wife and I were centered around putting some effort into doing some little things for her. We have three young kids and I work she stays at home. To be honest right now I am mentally in a place where I am not sure if I would rather leave her a flower to make her happy or my socks on the kitchen table to piss her off on my way out the door to work. So if some of you could help me out by giving some suggestions for little things I could to get things moving in the right direction I would be grateful. It would also be great if some of these suggestions were compatible with drinking beer and playing golf !! Just kidding, I want to give this an honest shot, thanks for your help in advance.
2007-06-26 05:25:06 · 25 answers · asked by Brian 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Three kids are alot of work. Bathe them in the evening , do the dishes after dinner, call from work to tell her your thinking of her. Remember that foreplay begins in the A.M. not ten minutes before bed.
2007-06-26 05:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by dENISE D 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Well, leaving socks on the table won't get you the reaction you want - LOL.
Little things you can do are open doors for her, bring home the occasional flower, call her during the day and tell her you were thinking of her and wanted to tell her how much you love her. Offer to do the dishes or give the kids their baths so she can relax (even though she doesn't work outside the home, trust me - she is working inside the home). Always look for an opportunity to compliment her - such as, "that pie was really good, thank you for making that for us," and make sure they are sincere compliments. Remark upon how much she does every day around the house and with the kids and how you couldn't do as much as she does.
All of us want to be appreciated and complimented and made to feel special to our spouses. Start with little acts of service and compliments and within a few weeks or a month, she will be responding in kind and you will soon be going out golfing with your buddies - but I would say forgo the beer if you can.
Good luck - you have the right idea and sound sincere.
2007-06-26 05:34:43 · answer #2 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 10 years.
We don't have any children - except my four legged friends - and due to some issues I work; my husband stays at home.
I would totally agree with the poster who advised the best things are free! You don't have to impress your wife by purchasing her gift certificates to a spa, jewelry etc.
The best things you could offer your wife is time with you - and or away from the kids.
You could even make it fun - I'm not sure how old the children are but get them involved. Make it like a lottery...you can have the kids design the "winning" tickets for your wife and then let her pick one - maybe everyday for a while.
These "winning" tickets could include: bathing the kids after dinner, washing the dinner dishes - or loading the dishwasher, maybe just two hours alone in the house - without the kids - nothing.
You would be surprised how far the little things will go. Do we appreciate jewelry, flowers, spa certificates? Absolutely! But we also appreciate spending time with our loved ones.
You may also want to arrange a surprise night in - take the kids to grandma's or babysitter - and pamper your wife for the evening.
There are all sorts of things low cost you can do - and I think she will appreciate the more "helpful" things you do vs. the trinkets you present to her.
Good Luck!
2007-06-26 05:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by klmmlk27 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got a lot of great answers here. It is important that you acknowledge that you are also angry at the situation. By all means, do some of the things suggested here.
Also pay attention to your emotional and spiritual well being. This doesn't mean you have to retreat from the situation. But you might try listening to some spiritually/emotional uplifting cd on your way to/from work, find a church that uplifts and supports your whole family and go there on a Sunday morning (the kids in the nursery or sunday school and mom and dad listening to something positive can do a world of wonders).
You are both in a tough time in life. You will both be better for getting through it with some grace and integrity. And THANK YOU for making the effort, because as you improve your personal and family life you make the world a better place for all of us.
2007-06-26 05:49:28 · answer #4 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you. You catch more flies with honey, my dear.
Here are some things that say "I love you"
Listen to her - even if you're tired from the day.
A little note tucked in her underwear drawer
Listen to her - even if her dreams sound silly right now.
Call her in the middle of the day "I thought about you and so I called."
Listen to her - even if you don't agree.
Bring home supper once in a while - so she doesn't have to cook.
Listen to her - even if she's wrong - at least hear her side of the story before you get mad.
Take the kids to Grandma's for part of the weekend - forgo the golf and cuddle all morning long instead.
Listen to her - Especially when she's crabby
Pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the hamper - every day.
Listen to her - even when you don't want to.
Take an afternoon off. Take the kids to the park for a couple of hours (play miniature golf and drink root beer) just to give her some private time to herself.
Did I mention - listen to her?
2007-06-26 05:56:33 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about taking a day off of work? Get a babysitter for the kids for the day... Then take your wife out for the day! Lunch, to the zoo or shopping (don't complain!) or even mini golf, then dinner and a movie!
Either that, or take a day off work and take the kids for a day. Set up a spa day for your wife and her best friend where it's your treat so that she can relax.
Compliments and kisses help, too. As said above, foreplay doesn't start 10 minutes before sex. With a woman, we need to feel cherished and loved! A kiss before you leave in the morning or a foot massage would mean the world to her and possibly get you what you want later in bed.
2007-06-26 05:52:22 · answer #6 · answered by theewokprincess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First good job to you in wanting to put forth an effort. I would start by offering to make the kids lunches, or do laundry, something she does that is little but could brighten her day if she didn't have to do it. Even getting the kids into the bath and to bed.
Then between the two of you, you can light candles in the bathroom and let her take a nice soak in the tub, or the both of you. You could leave her little notes around the house, get a sitter and have a real date, plan a family vacation, get her car cleaned, get her something new-there are a tons of ways to do little things with just little actions.
2007-06-26 05:42:03 · answer #7 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her a day off from everything! Send her a spa for the day so that she can get pampered.
Also, I believe that it's the little things that count......so start helping her around the house with the cleaning, cooking, laundry and taking care of the kids. Leave her little notes around the house when you leave in the morning...even if all it says is I Love You....it will speak volumes to her! At night after the kids in bed and sleeping....make that time for just the two of you....even if all you do is just watch TV or do the dishes, it will give you both a chance to talk about things.
2007-06-26 05:39:10 · answer #8 · answered by wetterstrom4 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters, if she is a stay at home Mom...hire a babysitter and take her out. Maybe a nice dinner (she doesn't have to cook) and a movie. Bring her flowers home from work.. leave a card for her simply telling her you love her..and that you appreciate her. After she's had a long day with the kids, run her a hot bath, bring her a glass of wine or whatever she prefers to drink, give her a sensual rub down after wards (you get the benefits of that one if you do it right lol).. Just take time to show her that she's still important to you. It's not about expensive gifts or spending a lot of money.. you want your feelings to come from the heart..not your wallet. Best of luck!
2007-06-26 05:35:26 · answer #9 · answered by Christine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send her flowers, just because.
Tell her to plan a day out just for herself and you'll take care of the kids.
Purchase her 'a day at the spa' and you take care of the kids.
Leave her a sweet note before you leave in the morning telling her how special she is to you and what a wonderful mother she is. Leave her notes often.
Give her a back rub without expecting anything in return.
If you usually don't help out with the house, start helping.
Have a date night....every week. (MOST IMPORTANT!)
If you want to make love at night, start the process in the morning. Leave a note, call her often during the day and give her lots of compliments, kiss her passionately when you get home, help with dinner, help get the kids in the bed, etc. A woman needs a lot of time to build up to it.
Good luck to you. I hope your 'honest shot' works for you and your wife. I promise, if you honestly work at it and make a change for the better.....she will see it and respond.
2007-06-26 05:35:51 · answer #10 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well from a woman's point of view.
my husband does these little things that just makes my day,
he has supper waiting sometimes when i come home from work, if i arrive later than he does,
he does the laundry sometimes instead of me always doing it,
he leaves me little notes saying i love you or something at the oddest places, but knows i'll find them and even once he left me a set of diamond earrings in my car the next day when i was upset for losing some the day before.
the thoughtful things make all teh difference.
since you work and she stays home try these few things,
ask her how her day went, be for real about it.
help her with the kids at night, prepare the morning coffee the night before(only if you have programmable maker), get a frickin babysitter and take the woman out or set up her a mothers day out thing at your local church so she can have a free day from kids. sometimes thats all it takes to reboost.
sometimes just a hug and a kiss (real ones guys) like the good ole days helps. too kiss her good
2007-06-26 05:37:06 · answer #11 · answered by penny c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋