Husband's girlfriends sms me to show her existence, if I ignore her messages, will this stop her ?

Question

This girl keep on sending sms and even emails to me and I really can't take it anymore.In the emials contains information where they go for holidays, and their IM. (cant she fake it ?) My husband denied having a relationship with her, but I do suspect he does from his look.(what about the IM ? that's his ID) Friends told me to completely ignore her messages, do you think this will stop her ??

I just hope she could stop sms me, I did asked her to stop but she keep sending messages whenever she likes. It's killing me !. For your info I have 2 daughters so it is not so easy to leave, and I love my husband. Seems that I dont have the courage to face the truth. My husband keep saying that I shouldn't believe her. What's your advice ?

Answer 1

You have to make hubby accountable. He is a much at fault as she is. No matter what he says it sounds like he is cheating on you. So, you have 3 options.

1. Accept it and go on like it has been
2. divorce and move on with your life
3. tell him to STOP. If he doesn't and the first two aren't an option, find someone to spend some time with to fill what you are missing.
Good Luck

Answer 2

Id kick his butt out the door so fast his head would spin for a week. What are you a doormat that he can walk on and sh*t on? Dont put up with this stuff from him. You have kids? You want them to see that mom didn't even have enough respect for herself to end a relationship with a cheater? You want them to learn that this behavior is perfectly normal and acceptable. Not me, id leave, but i have too much pride to be stabbed in the back like that over and over again.

Answer 3

ask your self shows going out for Italian with your ultimate woman acquaintances instead, and eating on your coronary heart's desires!! Then meet hubby afterwards for ice cream. by utilising the time you get living house, you would be soo crammed, you're able to be able to could excuse your self to "expell a hairball", like ask your self Cat at times does. After the "hairball" has been extracted, you will easily lose 5 pounds.

Answer 4

Dont ignore her. Email her back or if possible call her back. If she comfronts you by email, she can comfront you by the phone. Find out whats going on! You have the right to know if your husband brings u an STD!!!
After speaking to her, comfront him. Let him know that you know evrything. Either you forgive or forget.
I personally would not forgive, but I will definanlty kick him out of the house.

Answer 5

I think your husband is faithful.
I think that how I deconstruct her strategy is plausible, and correct.
I think that the solid actionable responses below can save your marriage and put the tart in her place.

This is a game... not like monopoly, but like "wargames" or "game theory".

Assume that she is using the best strategy to achieve her objective. Her strategy is the ims and emails. What is that going to accomplish? Why is she doing it?

You suggest that she wants to "flaunt it", but I disagree. I think thats a tactic.

I dont know you, but Im going to assume you are a reasonable (minded) and otherwise typical woman. How do you feel about your husband having an affair? Its not a happy thought, or feeling is it? If it was true (for the sake of argument) how does a reasonable woman respond to the idea?

Possible responses
A - get distant from the husband (emotional flight)
B - attack the husband (emotional fight)
C - ignore the girl (flight)
D - attack the girl (fight)

So lets assume that the other girl (your adversary) is very cunning. Lets assume that she thinks you are a typical girl, and that her strategy gives her victory if she gets you to respond in any of these ways. What does that reveal about her possible motive?

What happens for her if you attack or withdraw from the husband? As a man it makes him more vulnerable to the other girl. Remember the "halt" acronym from overeaters anonymous? Things that make you vulnerable are when you are H-hungry A-angry L-lonely T-tired. A good solid long term fight with the wife puts the husband into angry, lonely, and tired. He becomes vulnerable.

What happens if you attack her? If you were the girl what would you get by getting some woman to attack you? Material to show the husband? A sense of power because the wife couldn't "hit you where it hurts"?

What happens if you ignore her? She has no cost. She could however tell your husband about it, and construe it as tacit permission for the affair.

I dont think that this is about you. If she was out to destroy you as a person then the mechanism of the attack would be different.

I think this is about your husband. What happens if he told her "I love my wife, I cant leave her"? What happens if he has not had the affair, and this girl is the one that is trying to make it happen?

If this isnt about you, and its about the strength of your marriage, then I recommend you chose response E - none of the above. If the battleground is your husband, then it is the terrain where you are strongest, and the other woman is weakest. You own his heart, his home, and his bed. You can make those very sweet for him. You can also pit him against the girl, so that he carries the battle to "where it hurts her".

If I were you, I would have a conversation with the husband. I would prepare him for the conversation by making sure he has a weak of heaven. Check out the book [1] "his needs her needs" and figure out his "top ten" and spend one week making his home absolute heaven for him. Dont have the conversation until the week is over. When you do have the conversation, I would show him what she has sent, and tell him that you have thought long and hard about it and you dont believe the girl. You think the girl is out to harm your marriage. I would then tell him that this week has been your proof of good faith to him that you are very pro-him and pro-your marriage. Tell him how you got the book and found his "top ten", but you want his help to fine-tune it and make it better. Ask him to help strengthen you to be able to keep up the "heaven at home" by finding your top ten and pursuing them strongly. The time spent together working on this can make things very very nice AND be long-term sustainable.

When he is that happy at home, the "girlfriend" is going to go nuclear. Show it to him, and say "Im keeping up heaven, and we are working on this, but please help me to have the emotional strength to resist these attacks against the man I love and my marriage". He, as a man, should then be quite able to pick up the gauntlet, and very powerfully and maybe even brutally put the strumpet in her place.

Thats my 2 cents.

PS: you can get the kids to help by saying that daddy is having a hard time at work, that people there are saying and doing things that make him sad and tired, but you want to help out by .....
Lets assume domestic support (from the book) is his top priority, and for him it means a clean house and a nice family dinner, you could recruit their help to get the house clean and supper prepared when daddy gets home. You could say that the things that are going to make daddys heart happier, and give him strength to keep working hard for us by ....
and that he needs us to be strong for him so he can be strong for us. Mom, you would be amazed what a team your kids can make when you are all working together.

Answer 6

This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!

Answer 7

She is messing around with a married man and she wants him to herself. Either you are in denial or you allow your husband to wander. She's not going to stop, ignoring her won't help. This must be devastating for you, please, I hope you open your eyes and rid your life of both of those riff-raff.

Answer 8

Keep every thing she sends, take her to small claims court for harrassment ($5000, if ur lucky) and use that money to move on from the lying cheat.

Answer 9

Yes, ignore her. Like a mosquito, eventually, she'll go away.

She's only trying to get attention.

As for your husband cheating on you, trust your instincts.

Answer 10

She's rubbing your nose in it.

Go round to where she lives and take his dirty clothes with you in a bin bag and leave on her doorstep.

If she wants him she can have him.

He's a cheater.