Men, is this normal? Women, should I leave?

Question

been wtih my husband for about 13 years,
when we first started seeing each other, he told me he had a strong sexual prowess, i thought it was ok because i liked sex alot too.
about 5 years ago, i caught him online with another woman on the internet, it was a rough time, but i stayed
a few weeks ago, I found his account on fling.com.
he says he loves me, but i do not fulfill his need to explore his fetishes and sexual interests, so he has turned to the net.
it wasnt until that time that I realized just how strong his prowess is, but i do not see myself in these situations he wants to get in.

Question is, for the men, is this normal for a man to have these strong urges for fulfullment outside of the marriage, and how prevelent do you think this is amung men and for the
women, do you think i should stay with him?

i did not want to do this, but for absolute clarity, he wants the occasional other woman, he has mentioned group sex as well...
another woman maybem but only once just to say i did it, and NO Freaking WAY to the group thing.

Answer 1

GIRL GET OUT!!!!!!!!! HE STARTS ON THE NET ,,,,THEN HE MEETS WHO EVER HES TALKIN TO AND ITS ALL DOWN HILL FROM THERE....YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE CHEATED ON , HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT FOR URSELF AND GET OUT....BEFORE HE DOES SOMETHING AND BRINGS IT HOME AND GIVES IT TO YOU.

Answer 2

As for the question directed at men....

I too have desires that my wife will not fulfill. I do use internet porn sites to explore these desires. I however, would not, and have not ever, gone outside of my marriage to do so. Looking a pictures of others doing what you would like to do or try is one thing. Actually going outside the marriage to do or try them is something completely different.

As for the question for women....

I am not a woman, but if it is at the point of him going outside the marriage to fulfill his desires, then it is time to make a decision...for both of you.
1) Do you want to try/do some of the things he wants?
2) If you are willing to do/try some of the things, will he keep the other things as fantasies??
3) Do you both want to keep the marriage or has this caused such a rift there is no coming back?

If the answers to all of these is "yes" then I would say don't leave. If on the other hand, any of the answers are "no", then perhaps it is time to part ways before you no longer like each other.

I am not an advacate of leaving the one you love, but if you are not happy with each other (for any reason), I am more of an advacate of not hating each other. If leaving will prevent you from losing the love you have and have shared, perhaps that is for the best. There is nothing worse than losing the love you feel for someone.

Best of luck

Answer 3

13 years is a long time and a lot to give up. If it is staying on the net and not getting physical I don't see it being a huge issue. Of course it wont make you feel any better about yourself, but I'm sure he loves you, he just needs more "hammer time" :) Don't do something your not comfortable with or you will feel cheap and dirty after.
The thing is, we are all human. If you really love him and he loves you, then who cares what he masterbates to. It's normal for a man, so he may not understand why your so upset about it. If you feel very strongly about it and it's making you unhappy, then you may need to concider ending it, or taking a break so he can see what he would be losing just for getting his rocks off.
Good luck.

Answer 4

You are the only one who can decide if you can tolerate his 'net relationships and be sure that they are only on the net. I would wonder if he has reached the point where he admits that you don't satisfy all his needs in person and has turned to the net, how long will it take before he decides his "relationships" on the net aren't enough and he wants other physical relationships also.

I am certainly not an expert on men and their sexual needs but the majority of marriages don't end because of this kind of situation and therefore I would say your husband is in a minority (a very small one). He may actually have a sexual addiction (and if that is the case he could seek therapist assistance to deal with it).

I wish you the best of luck and God's blessings.

Answer 5

You married this man knowing ahead of time what he possibly could be like. The internet is a trap. Ask if he is willing to work on the marriage and see a councelor. If he refuses, leave him. Under no condition do you deserve to be treated like that. Even if he cheats in his heart he is a cheater and needs help. Think of it this way, if someone always steals they will keep doing it cause it feels good no matter how wrong it is. IF you can not fufill his deviant sexual requests, let him know and determine if you need to leave. Do not lower yourself to do what he desires. Sex in marriage should be agreed and not forced. No matter what the other person wants.

Answer 6

Well, the big decision is your's but it sounds like there is a very big problem and you have to ask yourself wether or not you can live with him when you know full well that you can not curb his sexual appetite. Is he trying to change or not. and the fact that he told you when you first met him kind of sounds like he kind of knew he would cheat and wanted to give you a heads up.

he is not being man enough for you letting his over the top sexual needs ruin your marriage and mess you up. I will tell you this, once a mirror is broken , it shatters into a thousand pieces and is very difficult to put back together.Start walking gal and be strong. We all have sexual needs and we talk about them to our partners.he did not do this and broke your trust in him, so save yourslf more pain and start walking.
you are way more than that.

Answer 7

You husband has a sexual addiction and needs to get professional help. If he's willing to get the help he needs, and if you love him enough to stand by him while he does - then by all means, do it. Do not let him force or guilt you into doing ANYTHING you are not comfortable doing! That is a form of rape, whether you are married or not!

What has your marriage been like otherwise over the past 13 years? That's a long time to throw away if everything else has been good; but personally, if he's not willing to get help - well, bottom line, he has committed adultery and you have legitimate grounds for divorce and I would divorce him.

Answer 8

Yes, but we are supposed to keep it in the confines of the marriage.

You could probably loosen up a bit and see what you think about some light fetish. Nothing painful or illeagal.

Why wouldn't you stay? I would request he limit his explorations to porn and quit dialoguing babes(400 pound lonely ladies).

Talk to him openly and frankly about his unfulfilled desires. He has never made any bones about it before so get a list from him and pick something you would be willing to try.

Old Guy, Likes a bit of kink now and then.

Answer 9

I have to admit that all men have strong overpowering urges and various kinks and fetishes that they try not to indulge their wife or confinde in her out of fear. Most guys will seek out something outside the boundries of marriage to satisfy that urge. I have been married myself for little less than a year, though at times it is rough, I have never been happier or more satisfied with our sex life, we do indulge in some of outside the norm activites, but haven't brought others into our marital bedroom, for it is too sacred for both of us. I would suggest going to a marriage counsler as well as seeing what types of kink/play he wants to get involved with, the great thing about those are you don't have to do them if you aren't comfortable with them, start slow and work your way up. good luck.

Answer 10

Men are mammals. Male mammals have the desire to procreate with as many females as possible. Society tell us that this kind of behavior is wrong but thats like telling a dog not to sniff another dogs but. Don't take it personally.

Answer 11

He has a strong libido and if you can help him satisfy it your marriage will be so strong that nothing could ever threaten it. Try to fulfil the urges within the marriage. You say you like sex a lot so try to join him in fulfilling his fantasies. Who knows you might even get turned on too. good luck.