I am a christian, my lawyer says I have the right to see them but I do not want to do anything to upset them. She is really just using them against me. What do I do?
2007-06-26 03:05:23 · 23 answers · asked by jdjackson74 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good morning my brother in christ;
You are now in a zone where many Fathers are finding themselves in this new America,, It is the dark ones desire to detach all from their personal Abrahams.
You are familiar with the story of King Solomon and the two mothers? you are the good parent for you would take the loss and pain unto yourself rather than have your separation hurt your kids any more than it already has/
My brother you are headed down the road of Parental Alienation Syndrome or "PAS" if you will, your wife is trying to leverage you back into the house, I suggest unless what caused the separation will make you lose your walk with Christ, I suggest you go back home now and stay until your children are grown and can choose to have a relationship with both of you, because if you don't and you move into a divorce, you will find your relationship with your kids eroding, in that case, you need to get a strong and good lawyer and realize what you are fighting for, the very future well being of your children/
I belong to a group called fathers lost and found, I ask you to consider joining and sharing your thoughts with other fathers who are in the same boat as you, as for me I have dealt with this issue for the last 14 years, lost three of my six children to PAS, threre are other fathers in here who will tell you of their sitations and perhaps you can enlighten or be enlightened with your added input, think about joining.
Good luck on your very difficult matter and GOD be with you.
2007-06-26 03:36:35 · answer #1 · answered by Daddy in a box :) 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She has no more a legal right to see them or spend time with them than you do and she is not allowed to just dictate terms without a judges order. You need to take the initiative in this situation. Make sure that you have a suitable home for them when they are with you and that you can provide for all their basic needs. Then you need to get your lawyer to a judge to make a ruling that you can see you children 50% of the time and file a grevience againt your wife for with holding the children from you. This will get you on record before she pulls any kind of a stunt to make you look like a bad dad and when you go to court for the divorce, it will work in your favor of having a previous judgement against her when it comes to the child custody. I fully understand your not wanting to upset them, but you need to take the control away from her, because she will end up with full custody and make all the rules if you do not work to head her off at the pass. Right now, she is probably making a case against you to say that you never spend any time with the kids and you are not really a part of their life. Let her keep it up and she will have pretty good evidence to show just that. Then she will get full custody, the house and mega child support that you will have a hard time paying.
2007-06-26 03:18:07 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm glad you are a christian - but, that really doesn't change anything here - because christian or not - your ex wife is using the children against you.
In some divorces - one of the parents might use the kids against the other parents - it happens, and yes, it is wrong, and bad for the children.
You will not upset them by fighting to see them - that makes you a better dad - not a worse one!
get a lawyer - go to court, and fight for the custody that you deserve --
In a case like this- document - document when you called her to see the kids - document what she said - why you can't have them - etc etc ... this is ALWAYS good in court...
2007-06-26 03:20:24 · answer #3 · answered by ★★★ Katharine ♥♥♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your situation. Regardless of what others have said, your faith IS important and has a LOT to do with how you handle this situation. You obviously love your children and want to deal with this in a godly manner. BLESS YOU for that! Christians are SUPPOSED to give God control of EVERY area of their lives 24/7 - not just an hour on Sunday mornings!
Unfortunately, it is common for couples with children to use the children against one another - which is COMPLETELY selfish! The children are hurting too, and doing that sort of thing just makes it harder on them. (I'm speaking from personal experience - my parents divorced when I was 4 and my mom was VERY manipulative!)
If your divorce is not final and there are no legal documents on file regarding visitation, then your wife has no legal right to refuse visitation (assuming you aren't asking for unreasonable times, like bringing them home late at night if she has to work the next day, etc.) You really don't give enough information (reason for the divorce - who initiated it & why), so the best I can recommend is to follow your lawyer's advice. There's probably something he can do to work out the visitation / joint custody arrangements until the divorce is final. Continue to pray and to place your faith in God. Let the Holy Spirit guide your decision, not your "feelings".
btw - I have a friend who is a good mother, has a job and the ability to provide for her sons; but the father had a better lawyer, and HE has full custody of both boys. (I know both parents well. He's an abusive jerk who takes better care of his step-children than his own sons. Go figure...)
2007-06-26 03:22:21 · answer #4 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it's simple really, you and your wife had kids and there both yours and she has no right at all to stop you from seen them. If she trys to stop you without a good reason then she is breaking the law and I guess you would have to go to court to see who gets rights for the kids. So you either work out some sort of time table or you go to court.
2007-06-26 03:11:09 · answer #5 · answered by npleck 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Going to court to make sure that you can see them will not upset your kids in the long run. They are just upset that you and your wife are seperated. I would try to talk to your wife about agreeing to a visitation schedule in writing, if she is not willing to do that go to court. Also, I would fight for custody of the kids or at least 50/50.
2007-06-26 03:09:01 · answer #6 · answered by Summer B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, many women use the children as a weapon agaisnt their husband. While child support payment is enforced. Visitation where the father is concerned is considered nowhere nearly as important if not all but ignored. Divorce laws and their enforcement on the side of women.
On top of the visitation issue, is another underlying issue of alienation. Some women will do whetever it takes to lower their children's opinion of their father. Parental alienation is all too common.
In years past, we have heard so much about women's rights. I think most men respect equality and fairness (I do), but when it comes to the courts, all too often men are seen as the bad guys and women are usually seen as the helpless victims.
Consult with your lawyer. Follow his lead. You are paying him for this relationship. If you need to, seek another lawyer, but remember, you are likely facing an uphill battle.
Best of luck to you.
2007-06-26 03:15:31 · answer #7 · answered by lyricshade2003 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your only option is to take this matter to court. Do you want a divorce or are you going along with what she wants hoping to get back together? You can go to court to get an order for visitation that she will have to follow whether you get divorced right now or not.
2007-06-26 03:13:53 · answer #8 · answered by Twinkle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to do something are the kids will think you do not love them! Rock the boat! You have rights and God knows this. Being a Christian is great but you have to fight for the right to see your kids. If you do not they will think that you do ot love them. Find out what you can do to see your children!!!
2007-06-26 03:31:22 · answer #9 · answered by Karen S 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your faith has absolutely nothing to do with this - leave it in the church where it belongs (that is - render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's).
What does the court say?
Listen to your lawyer and the judge.
If you have to, bring suit against your wife to make her comply with the law.
Oh, and that's being a Christian - Letting your wife run roughshod over you is not being a Christian.
2007-06-26 03:14:52 · answer #10 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋