Do you think happiness is a choice?

Question

If so why do you think so many people choose to be misserable. I know I dont chose to. I hate being sad all the time and I am damn sure my kids dont like it. I lived a terrible terrible child hood with lots of killing drinking drugs hate and abuse molestation. the only thing I ever ever did or should say still do is make damn sure no one hurts my two girls. they are so happy but I am very unhappy. I dont know how I ended up with such great kids being such a loser and I just want to know how the hell do you get over the sucky life you already lived. I need to because my girls dont deserve a depressed b*tch to put up with. I have been to thearapists and was told I am lucky to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time. not a joke. and by the way I know what I should do but can not bring myself to do it. it is all because I feel worthless. even knowing I am not. oh bla bla bla. same old story.

hey thands for all the good answers I am waiting for a few more. wow a lot of you are very insightful

Answer 1

To some extent happiness is definitely a choice. But everyone's circumstances, mental condition, and background is completely different. For some people it is easy. For some it is not. For some it is not, and they still pull it off. You never know, but tell someone in Darfur to just think positive... and you'll be an idiot for doing so. So I would argue that happiness is a choice... under the right circumstances. But life is not so simple.

In any case, you should be very proud to have made as much out of your difficult situation as you have. It will take a lot of effort and time for you to find happiness, but it is certainly possible if you don't give up. Keep up the therapy, and treat those two girls like you SHOULD have been treated. If you need help, get it. You deserve it, as do your children. Good luck!

Answer 2

I do think that happiness is sometimes a choice, but we don't all know how to make that choice. I say sometimes because (an extreme example) if you were currently a prisoner of war, I don't think you could chose to be happy with that, and I am sure there are similar situations where you just can't be happy. But assuming you have some control over your life, then yes happiness is a choice.

Again, I am not sure that people know how to choose happiness. It is often nmore then just saying, "I'm going to be happy today." It involves work, and in some cases therapy and possibly medication. Sometimes people know what they need to do, but are afraid (not suicide, but changing lifestyle). This is normal, change is scary and hard, even if it is a change for the better. Often those that are depressed focus on the negative things, and it makes it difficult to see the positive. An example is in your question you mention your great children, but immediately put yourself down. So you are focusing on the negative, not your great children. You must be worthwhile if your children are so great, don't you think?

Also, a cyclical problem with depression, is the depressed person gets depressed that they are depressed. Accept it for now, and work on changing it. Try to not focus on it, but instead focus on how to change it. This is a hard process, and you may need help. I have no idea what therapists you may have seen, but try another, a psychologistwith a Cognitive-Behavioral background would be best. In the initial meeting discuss these other therapists, it will be important.

Good luck, and hang in there.

Answer 3

Your story is not boring or meaningless to us at all. I am sure almost all of us hope you will feel better.

In some ways my life and background have been very fortunate and in others I've been through a lot that no normal person should have to endure in a single life time. So, I don't think happiness is a choice, though you could say overcoming adversity is a choice. It looks like you have done that very well so far. Probably what you are experiencing is something closer to PTSD than to unhappiness. Does your counselor agree with this?
Happiness is mostly a matter of brain chemicals, the ability to shed stress and to have a really good support network in place. Also, happiness requires us to slow down and enjoy the small precious moments we can find in each day. When you are in love, you can really feel this working. With your PTSD background, you are making chemicals in your brain that probably help you to defend yourself, but have negative consequences. You're not a loser at all.

Answer 4

I am almost 60 and spent most of my life expecting the worst and seeing the worst. Although it is a journey in progress my current wife is teaching me to see the bright and positive side of life. She also came from an abusive childhood but still is able to have a positive outlook.

I don't know if it will work for you, I can only speak for myself. Forgive what happened in the past. You have to let it go somehow. If you can't let it go somehow it will be a festering wound your whole life. Instead start each day thinking about things you are thankful for. Start each day thankful for those two little girls. I don't know what else you have to be thankful for but concentrate on the good things and start to cash in on them. You love those girls so try to do something fun each day with them. Start building good memories with them until your head only has enough room left for the good stuff. I know it sounds trite but do it. My heart goes out to you. I hope the best for you.

Answer 5

On some levels, it is a choice. You chose to hold on to those memories, and to let them hurt you. You chose to let those events have power over you. You're the only one that chooses to think about them, and to dwell on them. Others choose to let bad memories go, and to live their lives, and be happy. It isn't as easy as it sounds, and some people need help letting go, but thats the end story.

Answer 6

It's all attitude and perspective. Some things are overwhelming but it's how one chooses to deal with it that defines who they are. Is happiness a choice? Yes, it's the choice that you're not going to allow circumstances to define you and that you're going to rise above it, no matter how hard it is, and choose the path to a better life.

Answer 7

No, I do not think happiness is a choice. But all the decisions you make with care may add up to happiness. Be sure happiness is what you want though. I want peace and contentment. We don't all Want Happiness.

Answer 8

Nobody else is going to tell you this, but believe me there are people who have come from similar situations, even worse. You seriously need to forget about and stop whinning about your petty problems of the past. You can either:

1. Kill yourself.
2. Kill your family.
3. Get over it and be a better person.

or let me guess your probably one of these "im only happy when it rains" retards.