i'm a 17 yr old girl. i have an elder sister and she's married for a yr. i've known my bro-in-law for years now. i know what happened was very wrong...but i couldn't help it. i had gone over to my sister's place...and since she lives in another state, i had stayed for a few days. i've always been very friendly with my bro-in-law. my sister had a night duty that day and we guys were talking the night away. i really didn't want to do it...but one thing led to the other and we had sex. i'm really guilty about it...we swore we'll never let it happen again tho we never told my sister about it. but the guilt always ate me after it. last week my sister came home...she loves me so much...i cried at her shoulders. both my mother and she were perturbed about it and asked me what was so wrong. but i knew it would break my sister's heart. my parents would be very disappointed. i don't want to ruin my sister's marriage. what do i do? the guilt it making me sick...please help me...
2007-06-26 02:22:36 · 31 answers · asked by jacqueline 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's a little too late to worry about her marriage now, since neither of you did before the deed.
2007-06-26 02:28:22 · answer #1 · answered by Celeste P 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
"It just happened"? Things like this do NOT just happen and you know it. He is older and married. He should have left you alone. As soon as either one of you felt interested in the other, you should have left each other alone and went to different rooms and stayed away from each other. Period! You have to tell your sister. Even if you never have an affair with him again, he cheated on his wife and she has the right to know. If he slept with you, he might have slept with someone else prior or will cheat with someone else later in their marriage. Once a cheater, always a cheater. This is so damn true! You need to rectify this with your sister right away and begin mending your relationship with her. And if her and her husband and work things out, great, but you need to stay away from him in the future. Plus you are a still a minor, legally he raped you. Hopefully you aren't pregnant and he didn't give you a disease.
2007-06-26 23:24:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it seems obvious that this is tearing you apart, and you can only keep yourself together like this for so long before it starts to affect every part of your life(if it isn't already). As hard as it might be, you need to tell your sister what happened. Even though you're mature enough to know better at 17, he's the one who really shouldn't have let such a thing happen. Besides, if he would cheat on his wife with her sister, seems like it would be even easier for him to cheat on her with someone else. It's probably only a matter of time before her marriage will end if he's a cheater. If you knew your bro-in-law was cheating on your sis with someone else, wouldn't you tell her? Your sister will probably be angry, but she'll forgive you in time. She needs to know, and you won't be able to have a good relationship with her again if every time you see her you're overcome with guilt.
As for your parents, they'll forgive you as well. They're your parents, they love you. You're still young, and as long as you learn from your mistakes(and take responsibility for making them) then those who love you will be more understanding than you might think. However; if the truth comes out later, without it being from you, things are certain to go much, much worse.
Trust your feelings and do the right thing.
Good Luck
Best Wishes =)
2007-06-26 09:44:01 · answer #3 · answered by JP 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well you already did the damage. now you better not ever ever say anything about it and tell him (the brother in law) that if he ever breathes a word of this he will be charged with rape and if you guys are in California it would happen because you are only 17. He should have not taken advantage of you like that and he is a low life. if he were your husband what would you think about him after sleeping with your minor sister? I am telling you DO NOT TELL ANYONE NOT EVEN YOUR BEST FRIEND NOT NOW NOT EVER. no matter what the people on here tell you don't tell. if it is bothering you lot go to a professional councilor they will have to keep it confidential it is the law. don't trust anyone with this one. If you tell anyone you or him knows you will regret it. believe me people will think of you as way way different even if you are young. trust me.
Second thought chasz up above me has a pioint the guy is a loser. I knew that but if she is not the type to divorce then dont tell. most likely she wont and you will be the hated one . think it through.
All these people telling you to tell ARE WRONG! maybe later when you are grown up you can right now you need your family and you will not have them any of them if you tell . think about that. and so should the people telling you to tell/ sometimes it is best to keep quiet. and if he gets all goodie goodie and tells YOU DENY IT. please dont tell at this time in your young life. it will be like going to a bad place and never getting out. right now every thing is the same except for that. and stay away from that pig too.
And do seek professional help.
2007-06-26 09:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
My dear,
You have neglected to mention the age of your brother in law, but I have the feeling he is enough older than you to be of majority age and probably considers himself an adult.
He may try to convince himself that it was a mere slip up, but, in fact, he may be guilty of statutory rape--regardless of consent, you are a minor!
This is not a burden you can carry on your own; it is his responsibility to take with his wife, your sister.
What you did was a mistake, no doubt about it. But even when we feel grown-up at 17, you are still a girl with little experience in life. As the "adult" in this scenario, he took advantage of you (even though you agreed!).
Now, he's expecting you to be in collusion with him in keeping his secret. This is an implied commitment/contract between you two that has the marks of an intimate relationship, so, even if you two never have sex again, you are still in an on-going relationship that excludes your sister.
Several things seem clear to me. One, there is no reason for you to take the complete hit on this. I'm sorry that others have said rude things to you when you are obviously capable of thinking the worst things of yourself already with no help from the peanut-gallery.
In truth part of being young is having bad judgment at times, and I'm confident that you have a new appreciation for the depth of responsibility that comes with sex. I doubt you will make this particular mistake again. But trust me, you will make many more in your life. We need to learn and grow and become the person we want to become--and that takes courage.
That said, I agree with Alright22: tell the truth. Everyone falls and everyone fails; the difference between persons of integrity and persons lacking character is the ability to make things as right as they can be--broken but able to mend.
I wish you well dear. Your guilt is a sign that you have a conscience and it will serve you well as you grow.
Peace and blessings
2007-06-26 22:29:44 · answer #5 · answered by elizabeth margaret 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's wrong for both of you. You are stupid and your brother in law is a jerk, why don't you swore before the sex happened ?
"One thing led to another" ? Well, apparently he use you and surely he doesn't love your sister.
You can't do anything anymore than just let it go, apologize. Now, It's the problem between your brother in law and your sister. Does your sister will still love him after this event ? Does your brother in law will just act like there's nothing happened ? How he will react in front of your parents or more importantly in front of you ? How your sister will react with you ?
2007-06-26 09:41:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
You might have to tell her if you can't get passed it. At the end of the day if it wrecks her marriage GOOD, surely she is worth more than a guy who would sleep with her younger Sister. You have already done the worst thing ever & it will break her heart as you are totally in the wrong but if he can do it with you who else is there??
2007-06-26 09:31:19 · answer #7 · answered by Shaz 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Would you rather that her marriage would be a lie? If her husband slept with you he would sleep with someone else too. He cheated and she doesnt have to be with a liar and a cheat. If you really love her you would tell her. You're only 17 so easily influenced, but you still should have had more self control. The only way to feel better is to get it off your chest. You have a rough road ahead of you but it will only get worse if you keep it a secret.
2007-06-26 09:27:38 · answer #8 · answered by NAQ 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
You need to realize right now ( if you haven't already done so ) that your life, and your relationship with your family will never be the same.
You now have SERIOUS life issues that you may be dealing with for years. In my humble openion you should RUN, not walk to the nearest counselor. You can not un-do what has happened, but you certainly can have a hand in how you are going to deal with the multitude of issues that are coming your way, rather than dealing with them as a result of the emotion this is going to initiate in those you love.
Good luck !
2007-06-26 09:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by Chuck D 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I think that you should stay quiet about it, never do it again and make sure that your brother in law has the same resolve. Women (your sister) have a way of finding out and if you are not careful, she will suspect and may even find out. If she gets to verify this information, it will break her marriage, and your family as well. So, if I were you, be very strong and determined about it and make sure it does not happen again!
I think it is also a good idea to stay away and get preoccupied with some things until you yourself have forgiven yourself and don't feel guilty anymore..
2007-06-26 09:29:13 · answer #10 · answered by larkton 3 · 2⤊ 5⤋
He has probably done this before and will again and unfortunately he has put you in a very bad position with your family. Tell her because if nothing else she will realize what she is married to. It will not be easy but instead of looking at is as what you did wrong - admit that it was very wrong and you thought she should know what he has done.
2007-06-26 09:30:18 · answer #11 · answered by susan h 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋