I slept with my bro-in-law...it just happened...my guilt it eating me away...?

Question

i'm a 17 yr old girl. i have an elder sister and she's married for a yr. i've known my bro-in-law for years now. i know what happened was very wrong...but i couldn't help it. i had gone over to my sister's place...and since she lives in another state, i had stayed for a few days. i've always been very friendly with my bro-in-law. my sister had a night duty that day and we guys were talking the night away. i really didn't want to do it...but one thing led to the other and we had sex. i'm really guilty about it...we swore we'll never let it happen again tho we never told my sister about it. but the guilt always ate me after it. last week my sister came home...she loves me so much...i cried at her shoulders. both my mother and she were perturbed about it and asked me what was so wrong. but i knew it would break my sister's heart. my parents would be very disappointed. i don't want to ruin my sister's marriage. what do i do? the guilt it making me sick...please help me...

Answer 1

You can beat yourself up all day long over this one.......you step over a boundary that a person shouldn't ever do. BUT, try to take a moment and calmly try to think......you know what you did was wrong and you are sorry for it, (you might as well practise saying these words) but, I think your sister should know what kind of sleaze-ball she is married too. What kind of bro-in-law would take advantage of his wife's little sister. How old is he? That goes for you too what were you thinking? Hugh problems are created when things like this happen. Mistakes happen for a reason so think about what you know and how you want to present it. Honesty is the best policy and it is hard because she is your sister. Is her husband going to be screwing anyone else......probably and that is not fair to her either. You might just be doing her a favour. Then again, you could just wait it out until he screws up again and he tells her everything then she will really be hurt that you didn't go to her first. Or, just go ahead and be consumed with guilt until you learn to control it or learn to live with it.......Good luck I hope everything works out for everyone.

Answer 2

Your sister might suspect, what with your crying and all. But you should still not tell anyone because it would make things even worse. This is like if you cut yourself. You'll bleed and hurt a lot for awhile then the pain stops and for the rest of your life you will carry a scar around with you. Sure you're going to be sick to death for quite sometime and justifiably so. After a time the trauma will subside and you won't feel so physically ill. Still though you know you are bound to be carrying this for the rest of your life and it will probably get in the way every time you see your sister and that brother in law. He's a different story, someone who has to deal with his own guilt, who should have known better than you, who took advantage of a seventeen year old, who has to live with your sister.
Whatever though.There may be help for you in the form of counseling. It would be good for you to do so just to talk it out with someone because you can't keep this bound up inside. It stands to reason that there will be those who will forever condemn you and tell you that you are damned or cursed or are evil. You probably shouldn't read too much into that because that's just basic human nature to judge others. No one really has that right as we are all sinners in some form or another. The important thing is that if you are truly repentant then God will forgive you. Somewhere in the Bible there is something pertaining to this. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone"
For now you will need to put some time and find someone you can trust to talk to. What's done is done and you will have to live with this. On the same token you still need to live your life and somehow come to grips with this unfortunate situation. Hopefully try and realize that maybe you can learn something about yourself from this and how fragile the human condition is. Temptation is always around and you've seen first hand, at a young age, how easy it is to fall prey to it. Just try to focus in living your life now as best as you can and emerge a stronger better person from all of this.

Answer 3

There's no great answer to problem. One thing you have to ask yourself is, "Am I going to confess to my sister about this because I care about her, or I'm just trying to make myself feel better." Most likely, you're just trying to make you feel better. Surprisingly, I'd say you should keep this to yourself and not tell. The only reason you should tell is if you think that her husband-to-be will cheat on her in the future. Once a cheater doesn't always mean always a cheater. What he did with you could have been a one time thing, never to happen again. If you believe that's what it was, don't tell her. People make mistakes and he probably regrets it too. However, if you even suspect he's likely of doing this again, you should tell her. And you shouldn't tell her because you feel guilty. You should tell her because you care about her as a sister and don't want her marrying scum. Remember also, that telling her won't make you feel guilt free. It'll just get you a sister who will hate you for a while. Over all, telling her is the right thing to do but I just wouldn't recommend it if you think that's his one and only time he'd ever cheat.

Answer 4

I can't blame you for feeling guilty. You have cheated on your sister in the worst possible way imaginable. Her husband is a cheat and a fraud and you both have done this not to yourselves but to this woman whom you are both supposed to love.
You say you do not want to ruin your sister's marriage - isn't that a bit late? Her husband cheated on her it is already ruined. Sure you can keep it quiet but you will both always know that you are both cheats and her husband is the biggest one.
The marriage is wrecked already. Coming clean will probably be the best action giving your sister the dignity of knowing what has been done. She could decide to forgive or leave him that would be her rightful choice.
Coming clean will be the only way you could ever forgive yourself. Keeping a secret like that for life is a horrid prospect. You have hurt your sister either way but she will be really torn apart if you told her but she would respect you more if you owned up even if she felt betrayed and angry and even really torn up for months.
There is no easy street way out of this. The damage has been done but you can begin the healing process even if it means the worst confession of your life. Time will heal eventually.

Answer 5

It takes two to tango. I love the "ONE THING LEADS TO ANOTHER PART", that seems to be a common phrase when one part of the problem wants to push blame off on another! Its not just your brother in laws fault, you played a big role in this too. If I were you, I would tell your sister, I would be a millions times worse coming from another family member, Someones bound to find out. Put yourself in your sisters shoes, how would you feel?

You're not going to get Sympathy from me. I'm not judging you, I stating the truth! I hope at least you used protection, it would be a Jerry Springer episode if you didn't!

I am not going to tell you to keep that a secret, marriage is a promise to each partner to keep themselves faithful to each other, you and your brother in law, broke that promise. I hope in the state where you live, its legal to have set with an adult at your age ... Here in TN, its rape at the age of 17!

Answer 6

You HAVE to tell her and deal with the fallout...Let me ask you "what do you think of a guy who would sleep with his wife's sister?" You both should be really ashamed of yourselves, and I personally don't think she should be married to someone who would sleep with her sister...and as for you ...how could that just happen? the marriage is already ruined, someone who would think nothing of sleeping with her sister is not going to think twice about sleeping with someone else...he is a slime-ball, you are a young girl and he knows it, he took advantage of you.You should have known better, how would you feel if you had committed to someone and they slept with her...marriage is about commitment. And he has betrayed her. She is your sister, how can you let her stay with someone who would do this to her with you or anyone else? You have a real dilemma, because if I were her, I would divorce him and disown you... hopefully she is able to forgive you because he doesn't love her the way he should. I don't know how you should tell her because I would never do that to my sister, she is my best friend and if someone was to want to betray her I would tell them to go to H*** in a hand-basket and tell her right away...also if he decides to tell her first and you didn't tell her... think about the consequences of that...

Answer 7

Wow! You need to confide in someone. Your brother-in-law doesn't sound like a good person to cheat on his wife with his sister-in-law. I think you might need to tell your mom. What if you get pregnant? That would make things worse.

Answer 8

If he would cheat with his wifes' sister, he has no limitations... Your guilt feelings are your punishment, I imagine it will get worse when she (your sister) finds out she is married to a guy who has no morals, wonder who the next victim will be.

Seek help.

Answer 9

i saw that u posted this question in other categories, i already answered to one, but i just want to tell u that blood is not thicker than water, trust me on this one, especially now , that ure sis is a newly wed, she is so into this guy and marriage and she will hate u for years and will nerver forgive you, trust me she wont forgive, she might forget......shes gonna only blame u and call u a little ho and curse u out and blame you for whole thing!! shes gonna think u planned the whole thing out, by going over their house and spending a few days there,,,,she'll blame only you!! Not him! are u listening to me? dont tell her, i already told u, its not a big deal, it was just a human desire that u fulfilled nothing more....email me and tell me what happens.

Answer 10

This is the smartest answer:
Tell her the truth, in sex you need two persons, and you agreed, you did wrong, and your bro in law did very wrong too, you will destroy a marriage but who cares, that is what it takes to understand the mistakes you make.