We have been marries now for 4 years and have a 2 year old son; she has been going through post partum depression since the birth of our son, but was really good at hiding it. I feel like I did all of the right things and told her every day I love her and that she is the most beautiful women I have ever seen I’m a cuddle bug and MEANT IT. 3 weeks ago I found out she was having an affair with one of my friends for 6 months; she says she’s sorry and she will never do it again and says she doesn’t even know why she did it and never wants to lose me and I truly love her and want to make it work; I just can’t seem to move past the hurt, betrayal, and lack of trust.
Should I give her another chance or will she just do it again?
2007-06-26 01:41:51 · 13 answers · asked by Al-n-Val 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If she has been doing it for the past 6 months she will probably keep on doing it.. You can give her another chance but I really don't think things will change..
2007-06-26 01:46:00 · answer #1 · answered by movu101779 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
An affair after only 4 years of marriage! That lated 6 mos. with your best frined! Thats a bit too soon! But I give you lots of credit for being the man you are, sounds like you are very supportive, loving, understanding and have your head on tight!- You have optins here! If she were having mental problems like you say she had been then maybe I could give her a little slack. I think she really may mean it but then again you just never know. It sounds to me like you want things to work out and that you do want to give her another chance. It is possible that she has other mental issues like bipolar or something else keep your eyes open for this- If you can love her unconditionally and do not want a divorce ask her if threesomes and swinging sound like something she'd be interested in maybe this is the life style she may need. Rise above all jealousy issues and just make it work, if you were open minded and allowed this life style what would she have left to lie about? The best thing is that you both would argee and your life together may imporve for the better. If you don't like it never do it again, you've already made it through this you can make it through that, ask your friend to be the third wheel -it may be uncomfortable at frist but it will get easier! What's the harm, she's already been with him right? YOu know he is clean and doesn't have an STD right? He knows you and her are married right? So enjoy life! Relax and smell the roses that life has to offer.
2007-06-26 09:09:44 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 months is a long time to be seeing someone. I could understand a one night stand, but this is more than that. She has probably developed a pretty good relationship with your friend in that 6 months, and who knows what she has said to your friend about you? This is something that is never going to go away, the hurt will always be there and you probably won't trust her anymore. Now without that trust what is there left? your 2 year son, that's about it. Your probably wanting to stay and work it out because of your son, but when your son gets older, he will notice how miserable you are and wonder why? Your wife dosen't want to lose you because she can't make it on her own. Yes she probably will do it again if she didn't think twice about it before and who knows she could still be in contact with your friend and you won't even know it. If you want to live always wondering where or what she's doing and with who, then that's your choice. If she knows how much you love her then she might take that for granted and think that you'll never separate because you love her so much.P.S. You'll never move past the hurt, betrayal, and trust, the damage is done!!!!!
2007-06-26 09:02:08 · answer #3 · answered by 24Special 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No second chance. She had the affair for 6 months. Think of this; why did she chose to end it? Not because she wanted to stop having sex with him but because you found out. Which means as long as you don't know about it then it is ok. The post partum depression thing was probably only an excuse to fool around and try to make you feel bad for her. Get custody of the kid and leave the skank. I'll take trust and honest over beauty any day.
2007-06-26 08:53:11 · answer #4 · answered by Bill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that everyone deserves a second chance. EVERYONE makes mistakes. and if she knows she made the mistake and she is truly really sorry about it and you do truly love her and want to make it work, then YES you should give her another chance. I know this from experience. In the past I felt like my boyfriend of five years didn't feel for me anymore, no matter how many times he told me he did still love me I still had a doubt in my heart. I know it hurts from your end, you being the one that got hurt and all. But it also hurts from her end her being the one that hurt you the love of her life I'm sure, and her inability to go back and change her mistakes. Its hard living with regret everyday and knowing how much you love that someone and being scared your going to lose him because of something stupid that you did and you dont even know why you did it. Or the thought of him doing the same to you just because you have done it. I hope I helped, although everyone has there own opinion, I would just look at it this way. If the roles were reversed would you want her to give you another chance???
2007-06-26 08:51:50 · answer #5 · answered by ( : Ashley : ) 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depression isnt logical. When you are in the pits of depression you dont know any other way to think and behave...it seems "normal" at the time. Its only when you come out of your depression do you look back and realise how stupidly you behaved. You dont think clearly when you are depressed......you become quite obsessed with your own feelings and everything around you seems very small in comparison to how bad you are feeling. When depressed no-one really knows how you are feeling and because all crazy things are going through your head, you often keep it yourself because you dont understand yourself so you would expect that no-one else would understand either. Maybe she's right...maybe she doesnt have an explanation for why she had the affair. When I came out of my depression, I can only guess why I became involved with an alcoholic and a heroin user. I put my kids through hell, but I couldnt help myself at the time....I was in a depressed state and I couldnt make a sensible decision.....I was a mess. Looking back, I really did behave badly and made some stupid mistakes.....I cant tell you why to this day except to say I was suffering from depression.
My best advice to you is to take your wife to counselling....get her depression under control, then maybe you will understand that what she did, she wouldnt have done if she wasnt suffering from depression. Once you can get your head around what depression can do to a person you will be in a better position to understand why there sometimes is no logical explanation why a person does what they do when they are suffering from depression.
I wouldnt be throwing your wife away too quickly. If you really love her and she loves you then there is a way to sort this out. I believe her depression was the reason why she had the affair. Hopefully when her depression is treated and she comes back to "normal" again......she will look back on the affair and she honestly will not understand why she did what she did and would never even think about doing it again. She is probably beating herself up over being so stupid, so that's why I suggest counselling......so that both of you can understand how devestating depression can affect the sufferer and everyone around her.
2007-06-26 09:05:10 · answer #6 · answered by rightio 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You can give her another chance and it will probably work out for awhile . Of course you know that its always going to be in your mind no matter how many years go by . every time she looks at a guy for any reason at all your going to wonder ,she comes in late wonder she goes shopping wonder she visits friends or relatives wonder . Any thing she does is going to be a wonder .Doesn't matter how hard you try not to think about it its going to be there .Is that the kind of life you want ? If you cant let go now then hold off doing anything until you gather your thoughts and get your life together . After you go through all the wonders it will be easy to let go .
2007-06-26 09:02:51 · answer #7 · answered by dad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at the bigger picture...........you two have a life and a child. Yes she made a mistake, and no there is never any excuse for cheating. But in the grand scheme of things is this really worth throwing away your marriage, changing your life, and raising your son in a broken home? Is all that really worth it? If she CONTINUES the affair that's another story. But it sounds like you BOTH need to make some changes. There is a reason why she sought the attention and affection of another man. Find out why, fix it, make a fresh start, and move on with your lives for the sake of your little boy. He deserve the BEST from the both of you. Doesn't he?
2007-06-26 08:46:39 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes. Give it another chance. It is always worth a try. Since you have only found out 3 weeks ago, you haven't had time yet to resolve any of the feelings of betrayal. Counseling would be a good choice for you, since she may yet be dealing with some of the ppd. She cannot blame her bad choice on the ppd, but it could be mixing up her emotions. Your son deserves a chance for two happy parents. I'm sorry about your marriage problems. You sound like a sincere kind of guy. Good luck.
2007-06-26 08:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by I39 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Wow...
If you love her and want to make it work, then that is what you should do. It will be a long road, with much building to do. You will once again need to build trust.
Now, she may just do it again, as you ask. It is simply a gamble, and a gamble that you have to decide if you want to take. You do have a child, so whatever you do, make sure that he is protected from the ramifications of your actions.
And... have you considered kicking the butt of this so called "friend?" (Ok, no really, no violence) Let the dolt know he's no longer welcome anywhere near you or your family. What a freakin' worthless waste of space and air.
2007-06-26 08:54:42 · answer #10 · answered by lonnyl_99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should. I admit what she done was absolutely wrong.
But a wrong act should not be corrected with another wrong act. As she has depression she may be in need of extra care, love and understanding than normal people.
Prove her that when you are there she dosent need to search any other source for happines.
I will pray for you.
ALL THE BEST FOR BOTH OF YOU
2007-06-26 09:39:49 · answer #11 · answered by abina s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋