I've been married for 18 months now and though I love my husband it has been very difficult. I have feelings for my best friend who is a male and feel that I should tell him. I don't think I actually want anything to happen between us, I would never cheat on my husband, I just want him to know how I feel as I think he feels the same way and just want that understanding between us. I think we both know that each other feels the same way but obviously we wouldn't act on it, but sometimes it feels awkward because its like we both think about it at the same time. Should I tell him how I feel, should I tell my husband? We are always honest. I think if I was to tell my best friend I would also tell my husband.
2007-06-26 00:52:26 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mostly great responses so far and completely understandable. I want to tell because I hate having secrets. I am a very honest person with those I am close to, and hate the feeling of keeping something from my husband. I think you are all right though and I do have to phase the friendship out.
2007-06-26 01:08:46 · update #1
I can tell you that I have seen this before.
If you want to save the marriage.... Realize that your husband is your best friend. And.... Sorry, but contrary to what you may believe, you cannot keep a male best friend while in a marriage (unless he is obviously gay). Even if you did not have feelings for each other, the jealousy and doubt that an opposite sex best friend inflicts on a marriage is unhealthy at best.
You are going to simply have to give up one or the other for the sake of both of them. I of course am rooting for the husband, as there must have been something about him that inspired you to vow "till death do we part."
I could also say something about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence, but then it is ALWAYS greener no matter which side you are standing on.
2007-06-26 01:21:07 · answer #1 · answered by lonnyl_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell either one how you feel about your friend. It would just create problems that you don't need in your marriage.
Your friend could feel the same way as you, and then he may flirt with you or try to take it a step further. It would be wierd to hang out with him after that. Or he may not feel the same way and would be too uncomfortable to be your friend.
Your husband would begin to question everything you say or do regarding your friend. He wouldn't want you to be friends with him any more and would probably ask you to stop seeing him. He wouldn't like you going out with him any more and may question what has happened in the past.
Yes, it is good to not have secrets. But is this one really harmful to keep?
I think you should respect your husband and stop hanging out with your best friend so much. Don't put yourself in a situation to have anything happen with your friend.
2007-06-26 01:38:42 · answer #2 · answered by torn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Telling your friend would just put him in an awkward spot. That is, if the feelings are reciprocated, he might wonder if you said it to him because you want him to make a move on you. If he doesn't share the feelings, he would then feel uncomfortable.
Telling your husband, whether or not you tell your friend, is just dumb and mean. It would, probably hurt him, or cause him too doubt you and your marriage vows.
Try asking yourself WHY you are even considering these actions. Are you having troubles in your marriage? looking for a way out of it? Are you curious about exploring menage' a trois?
Relationships, particularly marriage, are difficult enough without adding any complications.
2007-06-26 01:04:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What good is it going to do for your marriage to tell another man you have feelings for him? It's only going to make you feel MORE FOCUSED on the other man. How can you love your husband and have feelings for another man? You CAN'T. As far as I'm concerned you have already "cheated" on your husband by allowing yourself to have feelings for another man. That's just wrong. Just because you haven't "acted" on them doesn't mean you don't think about this other man in an inappropriate way. I always like to say, put the shoe on the OTHER foot. How would YOU like it if your husband (already developed feelings) for a female friend of his without you ever knowing? Doesn't feel so good does it? I think you're being selfish. You're about to destroy your marriage, and you act like it's all normal.
2007-06-26 00:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by i sharpen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
NO, you do not tell your best friend, nor do you tell your husband. You are a married woman now and that's where your interest belongs. If you can't control yourself around your best friend, then distance yourself. You made the decison to marry your husband. If you don't get your head straight, you and your best friend ARE going to stray one of these days. It's inevitable. If you want a major blow up between you, your husband and this so called friend, tell your husband how you feel. See where it gets you!!! You'll lose the respect and trust of your husband, and this best friend will not longer be a part of your life.
2007-06-26 01:01:02 · answer #5 · answered by Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should distance yourself from your best friend. When you married your husband (whether it's easy or not), you committed yourself to him. IF there is something that is getting in the way of that - then you need to cut ties with it. If you don't, something is going to end up happening with you and the best friend...your marriage is probably getting worse now because you have feelings for someone else. It gives you a sense of security that if something happens btw you and your husband, you always have your best friend. Cut Ties!
2007-06-26 00:58:42 · answer #6 · answered by sportsstar4u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you hope to achieve by telling your husband? I think some things are best left unsaid...also, telling your friend may not be a good idea either...he just might see this as a green light, given to him by you.
Put all your feelings and emotions into your marriage and try to put some distance between you and your best friend.
2007-06-26 04:11:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WTF?LMAO Troubled wife above, how dare you give anyone advice when you are always posting the crazziness questions and have a joke for a marraige ? Damn Sybil! Grow up, get an annulment if you qualify for one after 18 mos. What do you think is going to come out of you telling your friend you you like him? nothing good, either he doesnt like you and you return to your hubby and then you like someone else later or you tell him and he feels the same then what? you told him for what as a tease or if he acts on then what? you -idiot- Your husband deserves his happiness and it wont be with you my dear- why didnt you tell your friend before marriage? and what if you hubby had feelings for another woman? youd be crushed right?
2007-06-26 00:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are confused because of your marrital difficulties. You are not in love with your male friend, you're emotional right now and it's not the best time to start identifying complicated feelings. Concentrate on your marriage and leave the friend aside for a while now that you know he is a distraction. It's not because your male friends is in your thoughts that you're in love with him.
2007-06-26 01:32:01 · answer #9 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that if you're feeling you need to make your emotions for this man known, your husband is the first one you should tell. You pledged your life to him, and I really don't think it's worth expressing your feelings toward another man unless you intend to act on it. In my opinion this won't do anything except complicate your marriage. What would be gained by telling your friend how you feel? I think you need to put your feelings for him to rest. You're married now.
If you tell anyone, tell your husband.
2007-06-26 00:58:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋