should i change myself?

Question

i think i have a stress type personality.i always try to keep others happy even if it is at the cost of my feelings.whenever someone misbehaves with me i dont react to him/her and remain silent at that time but all these things remain on my mind and i keep thinking over them whenever i am alone.then i try to forget everything and forgive the person myself even if the mistake is from other side. i think that saying anything will break his/her heart.this habit is preventing me from taking a good night's sleep. p[lease suggest something so that i can have good relations without torturing myself.

Answer 1

You are constantly changing yourself without realizing it

Answer 2

Well I think you are one of the few individuals who are blessed with an all forgiving personality. Its very rare to find in todays times people caring about others and reacting in a way that others dont get hurt. That really shows how tolerant, sensitive and good at heart you are as a person. Believe me, its really difficult to be that way especially in todays times.

But I guess deep down you feel the regret that I should have said something or retaliate back. I guess thats the reason why you keep thinking about it. Maybe you might also feeling a bit cheated that everyone and anyone tends to take advantage of your good nature and forgiving personality.

But I guess the way I see it, if you dont like a particular thing, you shouldnt hesitate in speaking out your true feelings. Sometimes you need to be stern so that the other learns the value of it. Look at it this way, a child when goes near to fire the mother reprimands or scolds him. But she does that so that her child doesnt get hurt.

The trouble is in today's times everyone want to be the diplomat or goody guy when such situations come in. Its like who is gonna bail the cat.

And you must remember there is nothing as a perfect world. No matter how hard you try, we as humans will always end up hurting other whether we like it or not.

Let me give you an example. I had to two outstanding performers in my team and I could only promote one due to other reasons. I knew that no matter whatever best decision I made I would end up hurting the other. But thats how life is. Nothing is perfect.

Answer 3

the best relationships are based on honesty. we each have the right to say something to the other, sometimes that hurts the person - but, it's that person is who feeling the hurt that has to also speak out. you HAVE to let your feelings be known. the other person has no idea that you are hurting that badly. you are so worried about what the other person is feeling that you are giving up your own identity and that's not fair to either of you. the other person will never get to know the real you and you are going to keep holding in this anger that is going to make you grow old with hostility. don't let this happen. to let any relationship work, takes a lot of work on both sides and if you keeping holding in your feelings you will never have the good relationship that you are looking for. remember like yourself before you like someone else. by behaving the way you do, you can't like yourself too much. so do something about it. speak up - you don't have to yell - just let the other know you are hurt and why you are hurt. if they care, they will listen. you seem too nice that people will take advantage of you. try to SPEAK UP so you can have a happy life, too.

Answer 4

Hillburger is right!
You are a very caring person but if it makes you unhappy to push yourself to the limits that you have in the past then you need to take a step back. Do a little introspection on what you will and will not do.
I have had to limit myself as well.
If they are trying to help themselves, then I will help.
If they listen to advice and seem to use any of it, I will help.
If they have some appreciation of my friendship, I will continue.
But if not...why am I doing this??
If the answer is the old joke about, "Why are you beating your head against the wall?...cause is feels so good when I stop!" then I move on to someone that needs or appreciates the support that I give them.
For some, you are just a set of ears. You are not a Kleenex to be used and discarded.
As for telling someone the truth, and breaking their heart. There is something called tact and diplomacy. You will need to develop some of that. Telling people the truth need not be as painful as you believe.

Answer 5

My girlfriend is exaclty the same way. She always tries to make other people happy before herself. Even when she is the one who needs help. It is great because she is the most caring person I know but in return, she is not always happy herself. I tell her over and over again to just take time for herself and not be bothered with anyone else's problems. The way I see it, making others happy should make you happy. If not, take some time to make yourself happy without worrying about the needs or wants of others. It could be a day, a week, or just an hour. You need to please yourself every once in a while or you will get too stressed out and you will stress out the people you are trying to make happy.

Answer 6

One thing I don't hear from you is how bad is the misbehaving. If it rough then you might need to stand up for yourself, remember if you don't like you no one else will. So in amounts you need to think about you not others.

Answer 7

Low self esteem and self confidence?

And if you are so attentive to others needs and want to accommodate them that means your self-image is based on what others think of you.

You then do not want them think bad of you as this makes you feel and think bad of yourself.

Depending how severe is the core of your problem you might either try to help yourself or seek specialist advice/therapy.

Answer 8

In a good way yes, but in a bad way no. You are responsible for the way you are.