need help changing my story into first person!! please?

Question

i know i can easily change all the third person bits into first person.. BUT.. i want it to be more sophisticated. could anyone give my any tips oh how i can make this a more PERSONAL piece.. it's also for my major work for english and i'm stuck on ways i can improve how i write..

i'd be really grateful for any help!! thnx =)

" "Bloody hell." the female voice muttered. An irritated sigh escaped the lips of a girl seated cross-legged on a chair, scowling fiercely at her computer screen. The dim glow illuminated the small, darkened room, throwing the burgundy coloured walls into splashes of wine-stained shadows. "

Answer 1

You're forcing it. Trash Ulysses and do your own Odyssey..

Answer 2

" "Bloody hell." muttered I, and an irritated sigh escaped my lips as I seated cross-legged on a chair, scowling fiercely at my computer screen. The dim glow illuminated the small, darkened room, throwing the burgundy coloured walls into splashes of wine-stained shadows. "

Answer 3

Hmm... well, it sounds alright so far. The only thing I can think of suggesting, is to remember to not only give detail to the story's surroundings, but to the person in it. Such as:

"Bloody hell." I muttered under my breath. An irritated sigh escaped past my lips, which were curled down into a fierce scowl. It looked as if I was holding a staring contest with my computer screen, my dark eyes squinted and locked on the object of my new-found anger. I didn't give up, despite the slight soreness my eyes felt from the glow of the screen being the only source of light in the room."

Sorry for re-writing that, couldn't stop. ^^;;; Anyways, hope I helped give a little bit of advice, probably not though....

Answer 4

relies upon on the form you write it, fairly. many times it fairly is a stable option to stay in one attitude, yet once you're stable adequate, you could merely write in spite of you pick. merely make particular you hold consistency interior the plot.