why is this still bothering me?

Question

My husband and I met 9 yrs ago, he moved in with me after living with a roommate for 5 yrs. When he met me he moved out of the apartment they shared shortly after, & left her with all the expenses to pay. She was livid. She was so angry.
she vowed to him that she will mess things up with his new
relationship. Obviously she didn't succeed, but during that time, it was a nightmare.She actually did the same thing to
her ex husband when, he left her, she actually used to go to her ex husband's apt to plant her panties under his pillow so his new girlfriend would find it or put her hair from her brush on his bed. A few months ago I was messing around on myspace trying to locate people. i found her on myspace, after that all the memories of what happened came back causing me to ask my husband questions. My husband thinks its weird that I would even think to check for her, when it wouldn't even cross his mind. I even thought of sending a nasty email. but I
didn't.

Why am I still feeling anger about it, and feel the desire to throw it in her face that she didn't succeed. Am i obsessive compulsive? Am I somewhat addicted to drama. We're married w/ 2 children now and this was 9 yrs ago.

Answer 1

get over it. move on.

Answer 2

Sounds like you're looking for drama. Let it go - hate and paranoia are toxic. You're blessed with a good man and beautiful children - spend your time being thankful instead of bitter. Plus, it was almost 10 years ago! People change a lot in 10 years - maybe she's totally different now. Either way, move on. If you send a nasty email after 10 years, YOU become the psycho chic with a grudge.

Answer 3

I suppose you think there is something more to the story or you are missing some important point, but most likely you are just going through an insecurity spot and need some re-assuring from him - it sure would be nice of you to let it go and live in the NOW and leave all the nastiness of the PAST where it belongs! Try it, you'll like it!

Answer 4

Tess, I think its because we as women have a harder time forgetting things like that. There will be 20 years go by and something in your life will happen and it will again trigger that memory......there isn't anything you can do to stop it.........its part of womens human nature. Men on the other hand......they can stop thinking about something just by telling their little minds to do so. =D They think its a jealousy issue which for some may be the case. For me, and I am sure many others........its just a way of doing whatever we can to make that other person's life as miserable as they have made ours. However! What you have to remember is what comes around goes around. You be the bigger person, the better person...........even though you will think about it from time to time, just toss it aside as a learning lesson and know that somehow somewhere when that woman leasts expects it God will repay her back...............it may not be how you or I would expect but she will get whats coming to her..........

Answer 5

Your husband is right. It's just spiteful to harbor so much jealousy and hatred for someone who DID NOT mess up your life with your husband. You said you "found her" on myspace? Big deal! You need to look at what you have and realize that you have no reason to feel insecure. Get over it and move on...it's clear that your husband and that woman have done so.

Answer 6

People like that are highly twisted and, in my opinion, probably have an undiagnosed personality disorder. The sad thing is, she'll be doing similar things to unsuspecting people now as well. Try and release the anger; perhaps by attacking the couch when no one else is around!

Answer 7

9 years is a long time. and 2 kids are wonderful. I can understand you wanting to say something to her just bc, but really, it will make you look like she got to you somehow. You know she didnt succeed, and she knows it too im sure. Dont give her the satisfaction of looking like you still think about her or that her actions still bother you. blessings.

Answer 8

I think it is a terrible thing your husband did. Leaving her with all expenses. Try living in her shoes for a bit and see if you would like anyone doing that to you. Maybe you should have encouraged him to pay his half and it will not come back to haunt you.

Answer 9

You need to some way get over it. It might somehow cost you your relationship. This is not important and its been quite sometime now so please for the sake of your marriage and your family leave it alone, let sleeping dogs lay. Nor don't render evil for evil you seem to be a good person.

Answer 10

BECAUSE YOU WERE RAISED WITH THE ''GET EVEN'', NAW, NAW, NAW, TIT FOR TAT ATTITUDE FROM OUR CHILDHOOD AND YOU NEVER GREW UP?

Not to be insulting, but it would be dumb to invite her in your life again by contacting her after all these years. If she is still a 'trouble maker' she will bring it! IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT FOR EVER EMAILING HER/MAKING CONTACT for something that happened 9 years ago? LISTEN TO YOURSELF. GET OVER IT.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO HAVE THE LAST WORD ON THIS. YOU ARE 'LIVING THE LAST WORD'. SO DO THAT AND FORGET ABOUT HER. GOOD LUCK

Answer 11

I think were possessive and take threats very seriously as women especially when it comes from another women saying she's going to ruin our relationship. Well you won and she's obviously a loser. I would let it go. He's yours and doing something like that would only make you look like it still bothers you and that will make her happy. So let it go.