I don't know how to do this! I have been so frustrated, stressed out, unhappy and miserable for a very long time! I can never enjoy what my heart pleases in life. We have very little in common with each other. I would like to find someone, who enjoys the exact same things that I enjoy out of life in general. But I absolutely don't know what to do! This is my very first marriage! I got married to young at 25 yrs of age. At that time, I was not experience enough to know women in general. I know that I did something very stupid, in marrying the wrong woman and my wife knows also, she is very stupid too! We are both stupid for marrying each other at a very young age! Now I know exactly what I want out of life in general. I don't want a marriage counselor. I want absolute out, of this big mess, that i got into from the very begining! At the same time, I am extremely scared to get separated, because of loneliness AND very afraid of finding someone who will accept me for who I am
2007-06-25
17:03:01
·
20 answers
·
asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have 3 beautiful adorable children, that I love to death! But my wife, I cannot stand her anymore! She basically hates or does not enjoy the same things that my heart enjoys out of life in general. There are tons of factors! Way too many to list here! The list goes on and on. I could list so many things here! Its unbelieveable to much to imagine! Basically I take tons and tons of bullshit from a woman and its getting worse and worse, as the days go by. Its so frustrating! Big time! I will never enjoy my happiness in life with a woman like this! Ever! Again! I am so miserable at times, that I cannot enjoy my normal everyday activities! I really do not understand, why I stay in this kind of relationship. There may be tons of love, in a relationship with no happiness involved whatsoever! I think, one of this days I will eventually explode with so much anger on her! So help me God!
2007-06-25
17:17:49 ·
update #1
Wow, 15yrs is a long time to be unhappy. But your life doesn't have to go on that way. I think you two should schedule a time to sit down and actually talk. Agree in the begining that the BOTH of you will not point fingers, call each other names and listen to what the other person has to say. Leave out sentences or comments that blame her for the downfall of the marriage and most of all, please don't call her or yourself stupid. Name calling takes the conversation to another level and the two of you will not get anything accomplished.
Let her know how you TRULY feel. Tell her what you've been going through and what you are looking for from the marriage. Thats whether you stay or leave. When you/her are done, let the other one talk WITHOUT interruption. Please be sincere without being condensending. I know its easy for me to say because I'm not going through it. But I've been there.
Its okay to single and alone. Just think, you'd rather be single and happy than coupled up and miserable.
Life has its ups and downs, you don't want to look up at 65 or 70yrs old and you can't remember one single day that you were actually happy. I know you don't want a marriage counselor but the fact that you are posing a question to the public shows that you do want some kind of help.
2007-06-25 17:20:23
·
answer #1
·
answered by Moorehowse 2
·
0⤊
0⤋
I think I see what your problem is. In a good marriage, each person compromises some. Sacrifices are made for the relationship. All you've written is what you want, nothing about pleasing your spouse. You might be suffering from a bad case of the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You are highly unlikely to find someone who enjoys EXACTLY what you like. You're going to have to learn how to compromise. You haven't tried marriage counseling? I think you should to see if things can be salvaged. At the least, it might help wise you up so you don't have unrealistic expectations of marriage in general and make the same kinds of mistakes the second time. I am disheartened by all the people here who are so quick to simply quit instead of trying to work things out. If you wife is a bascally decent person, why not give it a try? I think it's this basic inability to stay with a committment that might doom any marriage you are in, perhaps?
Kent in SD
Married 20 years, never divorced
2007-06-25 17:24:43
·
answer #2
·
answered by duckgrabber 4
·
1⤊
0⤋
Doing the maths, I figure you are, or have recently turned 40. Am I right? So your probably looking at your life and thinking "Gee, it half over. Where am I and what do I want from the rest of it?" Sounds to me like you have got the whole "Mid-life crisis" thing going on. My husband went through the same thing about the same time.
Firstly the chances of finding anyone "who enjoys the exact same things" that you do would be impossible. You would be chasing a dream that doesn't exist, and heading for even more heartache.
Apart from being young (and 25 isn't that young) and foolish, what was it that drew you two together in the first place? And shouldn't you two have tried to find out the things you had in common before you tied the knot? And are there children involved here? Who changed, and why?
Be very careful before you throw away what you have. Be very sure that there is nothing left for you there, and that there is something better out of it, or you could cause a lot of heartache for the both of you.
Once you leave, don't count on being able to turn back if you change your mind, or it doesn't work out. You could have left too much hurt for that to happen.
So you won't go to counseling. Why? Because you don't want to have to talk it out, don't want to have to explain, don't want to find out that your reasons for going are that you're just not happy now? Don't want to find out that the problem might lie with you, and its going to follow you where ever you are?
My husband blamed me for everything (just like you are), even his dissatisfaction with his job (feeling unappriciated at work), was overlooked for a promotion, and his relatives were fighting. Like it was up to me alone to make his life perfect, even those factors that were beyond my control. His temper and his bad behaviors didn't help, but he believed that was my fault too.
If you're serious, you should give everything that might help a go. Then, if you still walk away, at least you'll know you did as much as you could.
2007-06-25 17:25:53
·
answer #3
·
answered by Barb Outhere 7
·
1⤊
0⤋
wow! Yikes! you sound like you are pretty much done, finished with this relationship...15 years is a hell of a long time to spend with someone who was "too stupid and too young to marry you". My take on this is that she feels the same way? I am probably not gonna give you the best advice. I don't believe in divorce. I believe that if there is still love involved that it CAN be worked out. She can learn to know you now as a 35yr old man and YOU, get to know HER. But, if you totally hate this woman then my advice is, file the papers and get them signed. BUT, don't regret it later on. Don't be trying to come back to her because that won't be fair to her. Think long and hard because after all you will be breaking your "family" sort of speak. Any kids involved? If yes then don't you think those kids deserve their parents to behave like responsible adults?
Why you get together in the first place with this woman? Was she beautiful then and now has gained weight? Or is she not having sex with you every night? What are the reasons for separation? Are they valid, things that can't be changed and totally not worth trying? Is she a witch? Has she been that bad to you? Humm I don't know. Take some time away and think this over because like you said, you will walk out on her and you'll be totally alone. Loneliness is hard to appreciate if for 15 years you have had a warm body next to you....
2007-06-25 17:16:05
·
answer #4
·
answered by EV 2
·
0⤊
0⤋
Wow! It almost sounds like you and your wife have more in common than you realize. This one is a tough call. Did you get married for any reason OTHER than love? It seems to me like you must have felt something for each other. Look, a good, strong marriage takes a LOT of work - longevity is part of the reward. My wife and I have very little in common also and yet I love her fiercely and wouldn't do anything different. In fact, I wouldn't want to marry someone just like me. Part of the excitement (and sometimes a BIG pain-in-the-you-know-what factor) has been learning about each other and what we like and don't like.
Just how much do you tow communicate and do you enjoy being around each other? Never mind what it is you happen to be doing. The thing is, to NOT have some things in common can ultimately be rewarding. This way, each of us gets to do things we like AWAY from the other, with no hard feelings. It makes us treasure the time we do spend together and even more doing those few things we do have in common.
You've slugged it out for 15 years but how much time have you BOTH spent communicating about this and trying to find the joy that can be part of ANY marriage? Apparently SHE accepted YOU for who you were and you accepted her. Sounds like a reasonably good foundation.
Perhaps there's more to the story than you wrote but based on what I'm reading I think there is still hope to make it work.
Good luck!
2007-06-25 17:13:32
·
answer #5
·
answered by Ebuddy 2
·
1⤊
0⤋
You aren't really asking anything are you? You say you dont' want to work on it and you just want out. Then any time that you delay is just spent complaining. If you are going to do it, then just do it and get it over with.
25 years old is not really too young. Most people get married around that age. Think about the fact that previous generations actually got married in their late teens. They didn't get divorced at nearly the rate that we do today...and people are getting married later and later in life. It's not about age. It's about how you deal with relationships. You need to do some real soul searching and try to understand what you want from a relationship and how you feel. I'm not just saying this, I've done it myself.
You may just find that your wife isn't as bad as you think and your marriage of 15 years is worth hanging on to. Maybe not...this is too important to just throw away before you've considered what the real problem is.
2007-06-25 17:13:32
·
answer #6
·
answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5
·
1⤊
0⤋
Well, you have a lot of years invested plus two children entering their teens when they need a father the most. If he was physically abusive, had a substance abuse problem or was a poor provider you have a good reason to leave. What you are describing as the major problem, a disgusting attitude, can be fixed but you might need some outside help. I recommend anyone considering divorce to get marriage counseling before making any drastic decisions that will effect your income and your children's life. If he refuses to go, go yourself and if you can't afford a marriage counselor you can talk to your pastor or priest who has been trained in counseling couples. If all else fails at least you will know that you did everything you could to save your marriage. Sometimes it helps to shake up the system and he will realize that there is a serious problem that will lead to divorce if he doesn't change.
2016-05-20 22:13:25
·
answer #7
·
answered by ? 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
Only you can change the situation your in, therefore if you are going to be so worried about loneliness and being afraid of not finding anyone, then you'll keep on having a miserable life. Sure you will have your lonely moments but this is what makes you grow up, mature and become a stronger person and in the end you will be happy you did so, then wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Cheers and good luck.
2007-06-25 17:13:43
·
answer #8
·
answered by Live_For_Today 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
You have to be honest with yourself and your partner. If you have not already, you need to talk to her and express how you feel. You just need to sit down alone, or even with a friend, and tell her what you think. You may be rushing into things. If you express how you feel, in some way she might be able to assist, maybe change a little, or attempt to assist. If you have already spoken with her, or she agree's with how you feel, you need to end it. You would only end up as two individuals with minimal benefits, and I'm sure you don't want that. If you are unhappy you need to look out for yourself first and foremost. Don't worry about being alone. If she truly cares, and if you care about her, you two will assist each other until you find your way. But you need to figure it out for yourself, and don't just into things. Try just separating for a little while, maybe experiment with her agreement, spend more time with other individuals with no physical contact. Even perhaps just moving out for a time, being alone to clear your head might help.
Edit: Sorry, thought you were a female, XD.
2007-06-25 17:10:06
·
answer #9
·
answered by chris_redfield267 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
i wouldn't worry about being alone, because you are alone now. you are living in a house with a stranger.
you got married because you wanted to be accepted by society.
stop putting yourself through misery and break up. you two did not grow together and sought different things in life. you just basically grew apart. why are you guys torturing each other by the constant misery of being together.
the separation can be amicable, meaning you both agree that it is not working and remain friends.
life is too short. let go and live.
believe me, i would not want to come home to someone that does not want to be there. i am guessing you are in your forties, that is still young to start finding someone who share your interests and live a happy life.
misery loves company.
2007-06-25 17:12:59
·
answer #10
·
answered by karMA_DAME 4
·
1⤊
0⤋