Can a girl marry a man who is 21 years older and has kids?

Question

The kids are from a previous marriage. The girl is 20. The man is 41. His kids: son-9 and daughter-7. The lady is mature for her age. She wants to marry the man. The man is divorced from his first marriage. The girl wants to marry him because she loves him, cares for him, and her personality matches with the mans. She also feels this man is the real deal. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him. She wants him to be her lifetime partner and she feels safe with him and trusts him. What to do? How to handle this?

Answer 1

But of course! My hubby is 47yrs old and I"m 25. We met over 8yrs ago and have been happily together ever since! We have a daughter and another on the way. :-)

The up side I think is that he has never been married before and had no children. Like myself. So from that aspect you'd have to go with not only your heart but you gut...like when considering marriage with any man who had a divorce.

Feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to talk! I know in many ways having an age difference can kind of seclude you from friends. No one can relate.

Answer 2

Can she? Yes. Should she? I don't know. How long have they known each other? How long has he been divorced? Could this be a rebound for him?
Another point to consider- the social life and activities that a 20 year old might consider may not be what an established, 41 year old parent might want to do.
Have you talked about your future lifestyle, spiritual needs, financial goals and possible future children?
There is a lot to consider when marriage or a committed relationship is the question in front of you, no matter what your age and a large age difference can add to the questions.
Obviously it is possible to be happy together, just consider what you each want from your futures and decide if those visions and your love for each other will be enough to make the leap to commitment. ! Good luck!

Answer 3

It takes the man feeling the same and wanting the same thing. If he is smart he will realize the 20 year old has LOT to live in life and would probably resent being trapped in a marriage with kids at such a young age. Personality matches isn't all it takes. A 21 year age difference is HUGE especially when you are 20. Trust me, trust what anyone with any sense will tell you. Take time, enjoy the relationship and do not expect anything. If the man thinks they can make it work then it has to be mutual. You cannot make anyone feel anything.

Answer 4

Midlife crisis x 100! Wow, why is he marrying a girl younger than his daughter? Is your friend's dad rich? If so, this girl is nothing but a gold-digger. Honestly, that is messed up. It seems hard, but your friend should ask her father why he is marrying someone so young? Do they truly love each other? She should also come out and tell her father how she feels about this union. Its the only way, she can't be silent about this. I'd also look into the girl, run a background check on her just to make sure that she isn't some kind of crook.

Answer 5

I am sure you are the woman in question. No matter what you say, 21 yr old is just a big kid. Neither emotionally mature nor ready to take on the wife role of a big family. Your focus should be higher education and see the world, not tied down with an existing family. You owe it to yourself to start a wholesome marriage from zero with someone closer to your age (5-7 years difference at the most).

You have no idea what is a real deal (unless you are looking for a meal ticket) and what it takes to operate a household of kids who may not like you. Will you be mature enough to handle the husband taking the side of his kids? Do you know what it is like to be the driver and maid for kids of whom you are not the mother and probably won't be appreciated?

The guy is old enough to be your father. His world and maturity are very different than yours. You are subconsciously looking for a father figure, not a husband.

Answer 6

You can legally but should you is another option. 21 years older, a divorce, and 2 kids means the two probably have very different life experiences- even if they share common interests. I'd say if this person truly wants to move forward in the relationship get engaged and then wait a few years and make sure it's still right. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think that she still has a life to live b4 getting tied down to a man with children this age. still at 20, both male and female are still immature, even though they say they are mature for their age. It is my opinion that she needs to live her life, finish college, and travel....you cannot do this with kids. With this age difference, I think that she sees him more as a father figure than a husband. I just hope that she will live her life first and do all the things she wishes to do....this way she will not look back in a few years and say ..... had I not married so young, I could have done this, or gone here. I think that she will have regrets when she looks back on her life.

Answer 8

This one is the young ladies call. She will have to live with him for the rest of her life. However, there is a little disparity in the age. She must be sure that he has life and health insurance. He must have some wealth and he must love her.
I believe it can work but let her know that at some point in life she will have to be nurse a litter erlier in her life than the other women in her age group because of the age of this man.

Your friend will have to weigh the pros and the con of this marriage.

Answer 9

My Dad was 20 years older than my Mom and they were married for 40 years befoe he passed away.They really loved each other and were happy but keep in mind you may have to take care of him when he is old and the last 15 years of Dads life Mom was pretty tyed down as he became very forgetful and needed her alot.Think about it.

Answer 10

So, my question is, just what are you waiting for? Is this a thing of needing to get somebodies approval. Take your time, get your feelings absolutely sure and in place, and then do what YOU want to do. That this will be easy, no, when was life ever easy? Will it be fun, if you make every day an adventure, yes. Take care of you.