Friends "calling names" they aren't pregnant or even IN a relationship....?

Question

There are several gals (married) in our cirle of friends that are pregnant. I was one of them but had a miscarriage at 12wks. We are, however, trying again.

We have a friend who just found out she is having a girl. She told everyone the name they really like. One of our friends got really upset bc she said this is the name she always wanted. She is not even pregnant or in a relationship!!! I thought that was pretty rude getting upset about it.

Before the miscarriage we already had male/female names picked out. We want to use the same names for this pregnancy (if we are pregnant - 3 weeks till testing!!)-these names mean something to us.
(just to add....no one has ever even brought up the names my husband and I picked out)

So...in your opinion....
1) IS IT RUDE FOR SOMEONE TO "CALL" A NAME WHEN THEY AREN'T OR EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP (and actually get made at someone for using it)?
2) AM IN DOING THE SAME THING (calling a name) BY SAYING I STILL WANT TO USE THE SAME NAME

This has nothing to do with family names being the same. This is just a friend who has never even talked baby talk...never talked about baby names...and again...NOT in a relationship.....that got MAD not sad...MAD that one of our pregnant friends wants to use a certain name. She actually made a comment while they were all talking that "she had it written down at home on a peice of paper." How does that give her rights? How can she get so mad at someone that is pregnant and expecting!!??!! I am trying to understand. And, no, it is not pregnancy/marriage talk all the time. Infact, we try to stay away from those long drawn out talks...not that they don't come up at all.
For the rest of the night that this subject came up.....the gal that got mad didn't even talk to the other gal for a mojority of the remaining night. I mean, what is that about??

Answer 1

No one can name your children. If you want to use a name, than use it. If someone gets mad at you for that than they aren't really your friend. The only way its rude is if you or she chose that name after someone else named their kid that. You all apparently made that decision long before you found out that's what your friend wanted to name her kid.

Answer 2

Honestly, it sounds like your friend's real problem is that she's feeling left out of all the excitement! Look at it from her perspective -- a lot of her close friends have found love, gotten married, and are now having babies... and she isn't even in a relationship. If you're the type of friends who were all in college at the same time or who were all starting jobs at a the same company in the same time, your closeness with one another in the past relied on sharing experiences in common. Before, you could all whine about midterms together or gossip about the boss together. Now, all she can do to stay a part of what you guys are going through is to have an opinion on names for those babies that she's no where close to having. :( Be patient with her, and know that her rudeness is not really about the names. It's about her being afraid of growing apart. So, use whatever names you want and try to include her in your conversations in other ways. Are you "marrieds" talking about relationship stuff 90% of the time? Maybe it's time for you all to go out and see a good movie.

Answer 3

The basic rules of naming your children are:- (and I mean this kinda jokingly)
1/ Never tell anyone what you want to name your child for 2 reasons. One, someone might snatch it and two, people are more likely to bag your choice because you haven't actually put that name on the birth certificate, people are much more polite when you introduce your baby as "such and such"
2/ If you are not pregnant, no one cares what you will name your baby you 'might' have in the future. Any parents knows that you change your mind half the time later on when you actually get pregnant.
3/ If two people are pregnant and like the same name, unfortunately whomever gives birth first gets to use the name! Simple! People who think because they have said out loud what names they like, it gives them the 'rights' to the name and that they are the only people allowed to use it are dreaming.
4/ I would personally also never use a name that a family member or friend had already used. That's boring. And I also would avoid anything that even sounded like a relatives name to avoid confusion ie Elisha and Alicia....

All this stuff makes me laugh so hard - naming your baby is a decision that is confirmed until after you have the baby, not years before it happens!

Answer 4

My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. She was a good 5 months ahead of me though. She found out she was having a girl and we had been talking about names, and she mentioned she really like the names Lauren, Morgan, and Taylor. 5 months later when I found out I was having a girl, my husband mentioned how he really liked the name Taylor. To me, it wasn't even an option, whether she used it or not, because I choose not to have our kids have the same names.

They cannot "call" a name. They can like it all they want now, and when it comes time to have a baby, their husband could hate it, or they could even hate it by then. Whoever has their child first should choose to use whatever name they want to use, and for friends after that, they have the choice of using the same name, or finding something different.

That's just my opinion, but that's how my circle of friends work.

Answer 5

I think that if the name is in the family and someone else is using it, then don't use it. It doesn't really matter in a circle of friends...in my family's circle of friends, there were two Justins and two Matts and it really didn't make a difference. Say if your husband's sister was pregnant and she called a name that you felt was very important to you, say your husbands fathers name, then either use it as a middle name or even just take it because it doesn't really matter. My family is Italian, and the two grandparents names were Francesca and Pasquale. My mothers name is Mary Frances, and there is another Mary Frances and at least three other Frances'. There are about 5 Pasquales ("Pats" as we call them) in my family and it doesn't matter because everyone jokes about it anyways. I say to go ahead and use a name even if someone else has "called" it, because someone else had it before them!! It is definitely rude of your one friend to tell the other one she was using that name even when she isn't pregnant and not even in a relationship.

Hope this helped & Good Luck!!

Answer 6

I'm the queen of "calling names" and I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but I really like baby names and definitely want to have a few in the future. What I do is I keep my favorite names a secret (except for the Yahoo answers crowd) or only tell them to my closest friends if they first promise me that they won't use them. It has worked for me and my best friend because we like different names. I don't think it's rude to "call" a name and you are not wrong to stake your claim on the names you had already picked out.

Answer 7

Name your baby any name you want. If you're "there" first, I mean, actually needing a name for a baby, you get to pick. When they have a baby, they can pick any name too. It can be the same or some other name. Any way you look at it, there are thousands on people named Mike.... they didn't ask each other's permission.

Answer 8

Yep, your doing the same thing. But it's not rude it's just unfortunate they're being silly about it, who knows maybe because of the same name these two will be kindred spirits and become best friends, besides kids usually go by some kind of nickname anyway Nicholes become Nicky or Nicci, Brenda will be Bren or Rena. So i say if your names get taken consider it a omen of a future best friend for your kid.

Answer 9

If I had a name chosen and someone got mad b/c they wanted it, I would care I would use the name that I wanted.
If someone else got pg before me and chose the name I was going to use, I would use it anyway. There is no reason someone can't have the same name as someone else they know. My second cousin had the same name as me.

Answer 10

To be honest I think it is more weird that you guys have all these "rules" than it is rude what happened. Sounds like a bunch of snippy hens that need more hobbies than sit around and pick at each other over a silly name. Last time I checked there are multiple people in this world with the same names.