verbal abuse or love?

Question

I've been dating a guy for over a year. At times he is amazing to me and we get along great but other times he can be rude, and verbally abusive. Lots of people tell me to dump him but i know that i love him without any doubt. I am wondering what i can do to show him how he can be at times because he doesn't realize it.... i DO NOT want to break up, not because i can't support myself and be alone but because i believe he is the one for me, he just needs a little help and we will have a great relationship... thanks

i wanted to add this IMPORTANT detail i left out. I am pregnant with our daughter....

Answer 1

Just keep your ears open for something he says that is really mean.. and remember it. Then when he calms down... tell him very calmly and lovingly that it hurt you when he said (insert mean statement here). Remember not to mock him, and always keep your cool, and talk lovingly.

If all the anger goes one way... eventually he'll notice.

Answer 2

I was in a situation like this before. He turned out to be bi-polar. My friends all told me to dump my guy too, and I finally did. It was REALLY hard getting over him, but I'm glad I did what I did. Now I'm with a guy who treats me right =) Knowing me I would opt for the sneaky route of trying to secretly record him having one of his fits and play it back for him when he's in a better mood. That might not be the best thing though...I think it would help if he started hearing about his negative behavior from some of his close friends as well as from you, then maybe it'll help him realize you're not just over reacting or exagerating. If you try showing him how crappy he makes you feel sometimes and he still keeps up with his ways, then I'm sorry he's NOT the one for you. "The one" is not somebody that would ever hurt you in any way. It's not what you want to hear, but it's true.

Answer 3

In the same situation, EXACTLY. Just tell him how you feel. I know, they're stubborn. He'll prolly still believe that HE'S right and you're wrong. Just tell him you love him, but you're feeling a little unappreciated (if that's how you feel, cuz i feel that way) or that you feel like he's not trying to meet you half way. Tell him (later when he's calm) that whatever he said hurt you. You have to compromise in a relationship. You can't agree on everything, but it can't go all his way. Tell him he needs to try to make it work. You should both be happy, and he needs to help succeed in that even if he thinks he's right. Make sure u tell him that. He needs to learn to compromise and do some of the things you want. I really hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 4

Congrats on your pregnancy. But let me tell you from experience that it starts out with verbal abuse then comes the physical abuse. Tell him to get help or you cant be with him. I suffered many years with a guy like that and thank God I got out of it. I the long run you and your daughter will be better off if you leave him. But first tell him to get help.

Answer 5

Get out as soon as you can, I have lived with one for over 10 yrs and doesn't seem to want to change, like you said they have their great moments, but they wont change. I hope you get out before its to late, specially if their are children. I know that the reason most of us stay in a relationship is becuase we feel that we are not capable of supporting ourselves. Will you rather suffer a little now, and try to be on your own or suffer you whole life trying to change an impossible. life goes by quick and before you know it you have gave most of your years to this person without anything in return, but depression, sadness and everything else that you feel when you are not appreciated and loved.

Answer 6

Get out while you still can. Too many women think they can change their boyfriend and learn too late that it only gets worse. My grandma used to say, "if 3 people say you're drunk, you better lie down." It seems that more than 3 people have told you what can happen from their own experiences. If you wrote to this site to get reassurance, you're going to get little of it because we know that you're in for a life of misery if you stay with this guy.

Answer 7

You will never be able to make him change and you will not be able to change to make him not say bad things to you. You know it's abuse or you wouldn't feel the need to ask. Time you spend with an abuser is time you are not available for a non-abusive person. Save yourself and find the non-abuser you deserve.

Answer 8

well, anytine that u r in a relationship you should always know that #1 you can not change that person.
#2 you can not change that person.
ETC.
i know that you must love that person, but you need to reaslize that it is 4 ever and do you want to put up with this til death do you part because, the big "D" is not the answer. RUN. RUN. good luck!!!! (i'm serious)

Answer 9

Hey great idea. Tell you what you should start planning your funeral now, because eventually this guy will fly off the handle and kill you. He is an abuser!!! If you don't leave him he will continue to get worse. And no you cannot change him.

Answer 10

Every relationship has problems. What I would do it talk to him about it. There's nothing better than honesty. Just explain to him how it makes you feel, or you could try couples counseling. But I would recommend you both talking first....it's alot cheaper :-). I hope things work out for the better.