I'm dating a man that is 10 years older than me that I have a lot of fun with. he is a nice guy and we have a lot in common. Problem he has been married twice in his past and has a child be each woman. They also live in different states. I have been married once before and have one child so I'm trying to be understanding. The only thing is that he brings the ex wives up and says things that compare me to things they used to do like one used to get drunk and act crazy in which I don't. I'm confused about dating him. I don't like drama and he has to travel a lot for his job going to each place that each one lives. has anyone been through this. I really like him but I don't like the being married twice and him talking about it. I have talked to him and he apologized but i don't know if this will cause drama in the future. He says he loves me so we are serious. should I stay in this?
2007-06-25 10:49:59 · 18 answers · asked by Venus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He sounds high maintenance. Since you are only dating this guy, I'd suggest you keep your options open. You may have a lot in common and he may be nice, but it sounds like he's carrying A LOT of baggage. Think before you become anymore involved.
2007-06-25 10:54:50 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend feels more than obligation to his ex-wife. He sounds like he still has feelings for her. Remember, she left him and not the other way around. It sounds like he wants to be in a relationship with you but wants to support her in any way that he can. You, as his new girlfriend, have to set some boundaries or this will continue to go on. Tell him that you don't mind him talking to her for the kids sake but he shouldn't be helping her out financially and his concern should be for the children and that is it. Explain how it affects you so he will see your side. If he continues to do otherwise, then you will have to either live with that or move on.
2016-05-20 01:45:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone carries some baggage. Some more than others. You come into the relationship with a child. He has two. Talk to him about how the comparisons make you feel but don't discount him because he has a history before he met you.
2007-06-25 10:57:10 · answer #3 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those women were once a big part of his life, and because they have children they will be a part of his life forever. He has to see them, communicate with them, give money to them, and spend time with the kids and talk about their mom to the kids.
If you're not strong enough to be an adult and see that they are now apart of your family too, then you need to find someone else who doesn't have such an extended family.
Just because the marriage is over, doesn't mean they can't have a working relationship.
2007-06-25 10:53:27 · answer #4 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the "married twice" is an issue - unless you have a time machine you aren't going to change that fact about him. So maybe you need to address what you can and cannot concede and forget about......if you cannot deal with this issue then it's best to move on.
2007-06-25 10:53:53 · answer #5 · answered by Susie D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I would NOT get into this relationship. First of all if he is comparing you to his ex-s he will still do this in the future and I don't think that will be a healthy relationship. Its very hard to adjust, even if he is not comparing you, you might compare yourself to them. So my best advice is, don't pursue this relationship. Try to be happy with your child, happiness will find you...
2007-06-25 10:57:00 · answer #6 · answered by chowika 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about it. Really . Lots of men seem to like to talk about their past women, unlike us women who focus more on the present. Its a guy thing we all have to put up with .. Don't sweat it. He loves you and thats what matters.
2007-06-25 10:56:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your heart has already answered this question for you. If you do not have trust a relationship will never work. Are you absolutely sure it is his work that takes him to these places? If you already have that many doubts about whether he is the one or not, chances are he is not.
2007-06-25 10:56:58 · answer #8 · answered by Sweet T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very difficult to the both of you. Has to let go of the past and concentrate on the future which is with you I hope. Tell him that this bothers you very much.
2007-06-25 10:56:08 · answer #9 · answered by DR. Care 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try just dating him for two years. see how it goes. let him work out his fears from the past before moving forward.
2007-06-25 10:57:50 · answer #10 · answered by lowIQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋