somewhat tame. I have a lot of "hang ups" due to past abusive relationships. I know he loves me but I sometimes worry that I am boring compared to the women he used to date. He has done things in his past (sexually) that I would never dream of doing. I think he's seen all of his friends wifes breast at some point in time, has been to a lot of hot tub parties where anything goes, has had threesomes, and has been to parties where people are openly having sex with each other. I could go on but I think you get the idea. Sometimes I worry that I'm so uptight about things that I don't know how to have a good time. I would never give up my morals and values but I also realize that I need to relax and enjoy life a little. Lately when we go out, I've been trying to loosen up a bit and my fiance doesn't seem to like it. Why??? I would never do any of the things he's done in the past. I'm not exposing myself, just not being so inhibited and more outgoing. I don't really understand it???
2007-06-25 09:47:27 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I trust my fiance 100%. I don't really understand where that comes into question.
2007-06-25 09:53:40 · update #1
Because of his love for me and his "wild" past and my ex-husband's behavior, we have already been tested for std's and are both clean.
2007-06-25 09:56:25 · update #2
I'm not afraid of him and he is actually a very responsible person. He has worked at the same place for several years and will be promoted again soon. He did these things in his 20's & 30's. He's in his 40 now!!!
2007-06-25 10:15:24 · update #3
If he's that big of a freak and you are that afraid of him, why in the world would you marry him?
2007-06-25 09:51:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
So, you're getting it from the wildest of the wild here and I'm telling you, you're totally good. Here's why:
First of all, you're fiance is lying about half the things he's done - PERIOD. He's trying to impress you, plus, he's trying to "break you down", so he can have the upper hand when it comes to the bedroom. So take the craziest stories, cut them out, and you'll get somewhere closer to the truth. Don't worry, EVERY guy does this.
Second, again, coming from a really wild guy here, being wild really is a stressful thing. Trust me. I've done the threesomes, a few times, in both combos, and truth be told... I longed for a sweet, loving wife that didn't complicate my life nearly as much as I complicated my own! I really needed that soft place to fall! So, for you to try to reclaim the wild action would feel unsafe and hard. It would be sad.
Third, he choose you for a reason. Remember that. He loves you. If he's been through a lot, and he's honest about it (well, 50% of it) and then he really loves you, then you don't need to do anything different. You're great!
2007-06-25 10:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was wild in his 20's and 30's what makes you think that at 40 he has calmed down. This is a way of life for him, I don't think that he is going to be able to stop that kind of lifestyle overnight. He is used to a smorgasbord, and sounds to me like he is just about sex and nothing more. You are trying to loosen up but don't loosen up to the point where you are starting to act like him. I think his problem may be that he cares for you but he doesn't want you acting the way some of those women are acting at the party, he may feel that some other guy may come on to you since he is coming on to everyone else. If that being the case then he should not take you along to those types of parties. Sounds like you guys are really opposites. I don't belive in that old saying "Opposites Attract" you and his relationship is a prime example that opposites do not attract. Find a guy who is not "Out There"
2007-07-03 09:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by pookster4262 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, you've done the right thing, only you had doubts about it.
Yes, you should always guard your chastity (at all costs) and your values because these are two things that must be kept "sacred".
I do not mean to hurt your feelings but, I guess you have chosen the wrong guy. Well, of course, you must have a good reason why you decided to be weddied to him, but you cannot deny the fact that he is not the "appropriate" guy for you. However, I want to contradict what I said a while ago. There goes a saying: "Opposites attract."
That applies very well to you, huh?
Relaxing and enjoying life a little does not necessarily require someone to engage in premarital sex. It means loosening up, you need to go to places where you can see wonderful flowers, for example. Or a place of tranquility. You choose.
2007-07-03 00:49:19 · answer #4 · answered by Jet 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is so typical. Your fiance is a former man-whore, but the thought of his future wife behaving the way the women he used to "let loose" did once is terrifying to him. He respects you more than he did those women. Those women were probably just objects to him. You, on the other hand, are more than just T&A to him.
That being said, this is DEFINITELY something the two of you need to clear up before getting married. Pre-martial councelling would be a good place to start. He obviously has some unresolved issues, and if I were you I'd be wary of marrying someone with such wildly different values from my own... past or not. This needs to be discussed and dealt with at length if the two of you expect to have any kind of stability, trust, or intimacy in your marriage.
Good luck!
2007-06-25 09:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by Courtney 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From Experience I think I can shed some light on this. My Fiance was very much like yours is. I am alot like you..I have High Morals and I will not Change them.. He and I are Total Opposites which is probably why we attract each other. He knows I will not put up with any foolishness on his part, such as Cheating. You have to understand, those other people in his Life were all Thrills and Games. You are for Life and what he "Really" wants in a Partner. If you were boring and did not make him happy, he would not be with you.. Do not lower your standards or Morals...
2007-07-03 03:39:18 · answer #6 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is with you now and is willing to be with you for the long haul that is all that matters. Talk with him and tell him how you feel and see what he says but do not make a huge scene about it. I made that mistake, I was in the same role but gender reversed. I had a very tame sexual past where as my wife had sowed her wild oats quite a bit. When we discussed it at first I let it really get to me and bother me but as she delicately explained if she still wanted that lifestyle she would not have married in the first place. We have been married for 15 years and have been extremely happy and the past is the past and do not let it affect your future.
2007-07-03 03:56:53 · answer #7 · answered by Jason J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has done all those things, why do you think he will change once he marries you? Face it -- no matter what he says, he will either expect you to participate in the debauchery once the honeymoon is over (or mayby during it), or he will go out and do it without you. Those desires never go away in a man.
If it bothers you now, it will always bother you. If he is thinking of a honeymoon in a place like Hedonism in Jamaica, or anywhere else that has a nude beach, then he will expect it of you, and the marriage will end before it starts.
You need to seriously think about what you are doing with a man with that wild of a past -- and how far in the past is it, really?????
2007-06-25 09:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesnt like it because he knows thats not you. Sure he had a good time with other people, but maybe the fact that your timid is the reason why he loves you and not those wild ones. He loves you for you and obviosly wouldnt change it. And you shouldnt have to change the way you are because of and exciting past. How do you know that your not the most exciting person he has ever been with, because you don't do anything and everthing?
2007-06-25 09:52:56 · answer #9 · answered by atom.lile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he probably doesn't like it because he's been with unihibited women before and he couldn't trust them.
He's reminded of them a bit when you loosen up and it scares him.
That's his problem. The truth is you should be able to lighten up and enjoy. Maybe the thought of a wild hot tub party excites you. Not that you would do anything but just hanging out naked in the hot tub can be fun.
Try talking about this privately and tell him you'd like to expand your horizons and he should trust you. even if it means you flirt a little more.
2007-06-25 09:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by lowIQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be ready to settle down and he's bored with the past ('been there, done that'). My question is, why did he do so much of it?
He doesn't want you to be that way, fine. You aren't that way to begin with - and he probably knows where 'that way' leads. Nowhere good; in his experience, he's probably played around with a lot of people who eventually divorced.
Why don't you talk it over with him. You have to trust that his responses are going to be truthful. In other words, you have to trust that he still doesn't harbor a desire to have a wild sex life if he says that is exactly what he doesn't want. Marriage is a leap of faith and you have to trust each other.
2007-07-01 06:34:34 · answer #11 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋