Boyfriend of 5 years won't stop smoking weed.. I'm getting fed up...?

Question

I'm 23 and he's 26--- we've been together a long time and we enjoyed smoking weed together, but now that I'm 23 and we're both thinking about marriage, I stopped smoking and he's still doing it. I told him I don't like it that it's time he grows up, I threatened him and all he says is "There are things that I don't approve of you doing either but I wouldn't break up with you over it because I know it makes you happy and it's not like i'm hurting anybody". But I think this is different. When he's high, he just lays there and it's boring like he just had the life sucked out of him---and he smokes like 4-5 times a week.

I love everything else about him. Should I let him go cuz of this after 5 years?
I really don't want to but I don't know what else to do? He just doesn't seem to get it... he thinks I'm making a big deal out of this and he doesn't think this is a problem at all.

Answer 1

I have a boyfriend who smokes and sometimes I smoke with him.. It doesn't bother me. But if it bothers you then I think you need to talk to him seriously when he is sober... tell him how it is affecting you and ask him if he will stop. If he won't or if he's avoiding the answer, then leave--- see if he changes his mind (most likely he won't so don't wait around and start dating to get over it soon).

Answer 2

Let him know that the idea of marrying a pot head is not romantic at all. I don't think anyone has dreams of a knight in sweat-pant armor with a bad case of the munchies... It is illegal and there are definitely better things he can be doing with his time and money. When you have kids together is he gonna go get high before Timmy's baseball game? Are you going to be ok with that?
Pot smoking is not an issue for some people, but if it is an issue for you then you need to examine your relationship and decide whether his other good qualities outweigh his negative ones. I always compare it to drinking alcohol... Once in a great while probably isn't an issue and can provide a person with a much needed opportunity to "let it all hang out". If you are getting drunk 4-5 times a week you are an alcoholic, and that doesn't tend to be a positive thing for your relationships (or your liver for that matter).

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

Well, Sis. I know exactly where you're coming from.
My boyfriend at the time was smoking weed and I occasionally smoked with him. After a while I got tired of it and quit, it has been a little over nine years since I've smoked. After I quit smoking, I would talk to him about not smoking and the more I talked the more he smoked. Eventually I stopped fussing at him and left it alone. But instead of me fussing and cussing, I would ask him to smoke outside on the patio. I asked him to at least respect me and not bring it around me. So he did. When ever he would be out with friends he would come home smelling like weed, and I'd asked him to at leat take his shirt off before coming in the house. So he did that also. I found ways to compromise with him instead of making him and myself angry. My point to you is find ways to comprimise with him because you can't change him at all and ending a relationship with him is not going to fix any thing. He will still continue to smoke. Let him quit when he is ready to quit. You should still show concern and talk to him about not smoking. Find a way to talk to him with out the conversation turning into an argument. Don't nag him about. Eventually, he will slow down on how many times a week he smokes, before you know it he's going to quit. But let him do it, not you. It's a process. As for my boyfriend and me, we are happily married and have six beautiful daughters. Live and Learn!!! Blessings!!!

Answer 4

It's up to you, really.
If you can't picture yourself with him in the next few years while he still smokes pot, then it's time for you to move on...without him.

He's being honest here. He likes to smoke weed and he's not going to stop doing it. And as for "getting it", maybe he never will.

Since you can't change him or convince him to stop, you'll have to decide if you want to continue wasting your time with this guy....It's your call.

Life is what you make of it.

Answer 5

It's typical for people who start dating at a young age to split up for this very reason; one person changes, the other doesn't - or both people change but in different ways. It's called growing up.

Unfortunately you can not "make" him do anything, and while I personally agree that smoking is ridiculous (not to mention mind-numbingly - literally - boring), there are people who enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. However, I have higher standards for someone with whom I plan to spend the rest of my life with, as I suspect you do, too.

You need to make this decision for yourself. Don't stay with him thinking he's going to change. If you decide to stay with him, prepare yourself for the fact that he probably will continue to smoke for the rest of his life. Do you want your children in the environment? Can you accept that he puts his "recreational" habit (addiction, according to some) ahead of your relationship? If not, then you know what you have to do. There are plenty of men out there (keyword: men) who do not smoke, who care about their health, and who have more interesting, lively habits and hobbies.

Honestly, this guy sounds like a loser. If I were you, I'd move on. You're still very young; you can do better!

Either way, good luck!

Answer 6

Well, it sounds like he's being honest with you, and telling you to "love it or leave it". If smoking weed is a deal-breaker for you - then leave now before you waste any more time. He had made his choice - whether you agree with it or not; it is your turn to make yours. If you can't accept his choices, then there really isn't any other option but to leave.

Answer 7

You set an expectation with him when you smoked with him that you wouldn't object to this behavior and now that you have made a change you expect him to follow suit and he's not so you're angry. You have to either accept that this is part of who he is or move on...you will not make him stop by nagging him or threatening to break up with....either end it or live with it...the choice is yours

Answer 8

You need to ask yourself if you want to support a lazy pot-head for the rest of your life? Do the two of you plan on having children? If so, that smoking has to stop! He doesn't realize that he is hurting people. He is hurting himself, you, and your relationship. It's time for you to ask him what is more important, you or the joint?? It's really that simple.

Answer 9

you can not change anyone but yourself. period. otherwise you are and will be controlling the other, and in the long run they will hate you for it. you knew that to start with so you changed, do yourself and him a favor and move on. because you both have been together it easy(if you know what i mean) than to look for someone else. he is more in the smoke than you until he wants you because it is the easy thing to do. cut all ties and move on. he will tell you everything under the sun to get you back, but he will hide it form you. but he will not change for you, It is his time and decision to make not yours. (I've been there, done that one.) just be careful not to fall for the same type again. just walk away. no contact at all.

Answer 10

If he's not growing and you are; don't ever allow someone to hold you back. You are not being controlling; you're just taking control of your life and it's always good to want more for your self. I would let him know how serious this is to you and I would not stay if he chooses to continue to use this drug. It does kill brain cells; so he's getting dumber with every puff.

Look out for you because no one will do it better than you will!

** Who ever **Thanks for the thumbs down POT HEAD** Don't hate because I said the truth.