How do I tell my husband to shove it!!?

Question

My husband is constantly comparing our sex life to his coworkers and I am sick of it. He hears the story how everyone got extrmly "busy" over the weekend and he feels we should have as well. first of all he is comparing us to barely 20 something kids and second their wives do not hold a 9-5 job (I work in the insurance industry) and then come home and take care of the kids and cook like I do! (one sits at home and plays on the internet all day and the other one is a cashier at a tire shop). If he doesnt "get lucky" then he acts like a 4 yr old and pouts for the rest of the week or he comes at me like some friggin horn dog. like its his married right to get it when he wants it and if I don't give it to him (and I DONT) then i have to deal w/ his attitude. i am at the point where I want a divorce because i am sick of his childish behavior and dont get me started on what he thought he should get when i was pregnant thanks to his coworkers!!! I love the dumbA** but he just doesnt get it!

he gets home 2 hours before i do and waits for me to get home and cook dinner after he has been outside yacking w/ the neighbor drinking beer, he sits his A** on the couch. he does construction work. We have 2 small kids and i have told him before if he wants to get his freak on go and leave me alone just dont come back home.
AND I DO PULL MY WEIGHT IN THE BEDROOM I AM NOT A MACHINE!!

Answer 1

Bless you honey.
This guy does not deserve you at all.
I used to be with somebody who moaned at me about everything.
It also made me very unhappy.
Its like no matter what you do they will find something to complain about.
If you think that you want to try and work this out, they maybe you can suggest::
Marriage council ling,
Make him sit down and hear you out (does not always work)
Take a break to try and make him come to his senses.
Walk away and start a new life.

Sometimes people get so set in their ways that there's no changing them.
This is something you have to workout for yourself.

Is it Worth the effort?
Do you feel its time to go?

These choices are never easy because we can get used to a way of life, but your happiness comes first honey.
Whatever you do, remember that your kids will only be better off with two parents if they are both happy.
I know you will know this but sometimes guilt does funny things to us.

I wish you all the best.

PS. Men always brag about their performance.
You hit the nail on the head when you said the word childish.

Good luck.xxx

Answer 2

Both were right and wrong. First let us address the physical part if he is going to man handle you when angry, then it will get worse with time. Next the sex lube should help but if not then he needs to grow up and take time to approach it with your pleasure in mind. Now you on the other hand you seem to enjoy being able to push the buttons. Maybe you don't realize it. His pride is hurt and he doesn't know what to do you need to help him not pick on him. Someone needs to do Research on sexual behavior and understanding and usually that is the female. I decided at an early age that males pleasure is local and not really a big deal on the other hand females have an entirely different experience and it can be earth moving Therefore making a females day is more exciting than the local pleasure . He does not know this yet his pride is in the way. Counseling may help,but the hands on violence worries me. I hope this will open a few doors in the mind. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I know what you are talking about. You are not the only one to feel like this, most working women, that have to work a 9 to 5, go home cook, clean and watch the kids don't have time for that or better yet don't feel like it after a hard day.

Most likely these 20 something yr olds are not even having any, cause most of them brag about it without even having it.

Now with your husband tell his butt that you don't feel like it cause he is a horn ball and that turns you off.
Hey, if that's your husband, tell it like it is. Don't try to pretty up your words for him. You should refresh his memory on all t he stuff you do.
But you should at least give him some, once a week.
heehee

Answer 4

Why don't you sit him down and tell him first, not to discuss his sex life with children at the office. Second that the fact that he does this makes you not feel like you want to- third that he has to stop acting so desperate.

All of this and the fact that he doesn't understand how hard you work and how stressed out you are does not make it easier for you to do these things.

I think he has too much time on his hands- maybe he should get a hobby. (Maybe if you see less of him this might help as well!!!) Good luck and hopefully things will improve.

Answer 5

AHA. Well, now.

What does DumbKoff do when he gets home every night?

OK so tell him you're tired and that if he wants to better his chances at getting "lucky" he needs to pitch in with some of the household duties. Give him a list and set of standards to follow - he just can't order pizza 3 nights a week and call it proper diet. He has to cook - just like you do. And no, the delicates don't get put in with the bluejeans. And yes, he has to spend time with the kids helping with homework and soccer etc. Just like you do.

So he has to live up to quality control at home - just like he has to at work. Hey, it's OK.

When he's cooperating and doing his fair share of the household chores - then yes, he gets lucky. and the more he cooperates - and the better he gets his chores done - the luckier he gets

In fact, take him to Victoria's Secret and let him help you pick out negligees...

The idea is that the less tired and frazzled you are - the better lover YOU will be to him.

Of course, if he doesn't think this is important - then it's Lawyer time.

Answer 6

Tell him his coworkers are probably lying(and they probably are). If their sex lives were that great, they wouldn't be discussing them at work. As far as your lazy kid goes, you need to light a fire under his butt. If he doesn't get off the computer, disconnect it or put a password on it so only you and your husband can use it. If your other kid is a cashier at a tire shop, you probably don't need to break a sweat taking care of her. She can cook and clean as well as well as your lazy kid. If they are old enough where you can go to work without a babysitter, then you shouldn't be breaking a sweat with either one of them. It's not like you need to hand feed them, burp them, diaper them, bathe them, etc. MAKE YOUR KIDS DO HOUSEHOLD CHORES AND MAKE YOUR LAZY KID GET OFF HIS HIND END. Then you won't be so tired and can give your husband more in the bedroom. Your kids ARE old enough and SHOULD be helping out as well.
Now as far as me and my husband goes, I don't care if he doesn't do much in the way of chores. He fixes the cars, does routine maintenence on them, fixes other things. I don't care if he doesn't cook, wash dishes, whatever. Sometimes I let the dishes go a day. Most women who whine about their husbands not helping out around the house forget what all their husbands really DO. Most of these women don't fix their own cars. Their husbands do it. So what if the house is a little messy at times? It can wait a day or so.
Like I said, make your kid that spends all day on the internet do something, and your other one can help some as well. Why should either one of you have to work so hard once you get home when your kids are perfectly capable of doing it?
I do agree he needs to hear you out, but you should be hearing HIM out as well and maybe you two can come to a conclusion where both of you comprimises. Like say you change the oil, do all the maintenence on the vehicles, fix them when they break down, even in 100 degree heat or -10 degree cold, and he can start cooking. If you want the house dusted, maybe you could fix the plumbing, climb up on the roof to fix that, etc and he dust the house.

Answer 7

I can say this...he is so wrong for discussing your sex life at work...What a jerk! I think the answer above...to send this question to him...may be a good idea.

On one hand, marriage is a compromise and unfortunately sex is a very important part of any relationship whether anyone believes that or not. I believe it to be so.

On the other hand, how could you want to have sex with him right now. He's just one big turn off.

Communication is the key right now and if he doesn't "hear" you then maybe it's time to re-examine your marriage. I don't want to say to divorce him, because that's harsh but if he leaves you no choice..........

Answer 8

I think you've looked below the surface of your husband's behavior but don't want to deal with the real questions. Allow me to.
Men (or high school boys) who brag about sex to co-workers generally lie about the amount /frequency.
Men (or high school boys) who repeat those statements to their wives (or girlfriends) tend to use it as a preemptive statement of an ultimatum (you either start putting out more groceries or I'll be forced to shop somewhere else).
Pull the string a little more and you'll find that his behavior has little or nothing to do with you. At his age (I take it you're both older than 20-something), he may be questioning his virility and ability to attract women (other than his wife). Being the "old man" at work is neither sexy to young girls nor noble to young men (coworkers).
So, the real question is, how do you (and he) deal with a man who wants to prove that he's still sexually viable, physically attractive and desirable?

Answer 9

Well not to make the situation worse, but eventually he is going to assume that he deserves to have more sex and will go outside the marriage to find it. I would have a serious conversation with him, discuss boundaries and reasonable expectations for sex during the week. Perhaps even give him a list of things to do to make your evenings less stressful and put you in a more positive mood for sex.

Answer 10

Tell him straight up to grow up, or get out. Its really that simple. If he's so immature as to kiss & tell and compare notes with his coworkers (who ALL sound like they're about 15), then he's certainly too immature to hold a real position in a real family. Tell him to get his act together or he can go live with Mommy & Daddy again till he grows up.