"The business of Ameirca is business" said Calvin Coolidge. The economy of the U.S improved tremendously for the past 60 years. Now thanks to the internet age, doing business in America has become more innovative.
what do you think about my essay introduction?
2007-06-25 08:55:57 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Instead of doing business in America, the internet has helped us and the economy by becoming global
2007-06-25 09:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your second sentence has a problem. Either the economy improved OVER the last 60 years, or the economy HAS improved FOR the last 60 years.
Also, the passive voice in sentence 3 is weak - instead, you could say, "Now, thanks to the Internet, businesses must be much more innovative to make ends meet. Things have certainly changed since Coolidge's time!"
It all depends on whether your essay is on the comparative changes, or just on what businesses do today.
Good luck!
p.s. "America"
2007-06-25 09:02:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your introduction lacks a three prong thesis. A three prong thesis might look something like: Now thanks to the internet
age, doing business in America has become more innovative for small businesses, large enterprises, and individual people.
2007-06-25 11:30:41 · answer #3 · answered by Jess F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is quite good as it is true....but you can add more to that and make it more essay like because you dont want your essay intro to look like a newspaper headline!!!
2007-06-25 09:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by chris 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is the essay about?
2007-06-25 09:00:08 · answer #5 · answered by Tommy T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋