Is wanting to be loved back, a selfish thought?

Answer 1

Not necessarily selfish, but probably mercantile.

After all, if you only love someone who loves you back, we're talking about a TRADE, not a GIFT. There's nothing wrong with trading. Just don't kid yourself about what you're doing.

Consult your a couple books of poetry and you will find that most seem to describe unconditional love as being the highest form of the emotion. If your love were unconditional, whether you were loved back or not would be irrelevant.

Whether this means that few humans are capable of the greatest kind of love or just that poets are unrealistic, I'll leave to you to decide.

Answer 2

Of course. Wanting is selfish.

We are all selfish. Without this we would not survive. You serve your need to survive by eating, clothing yourself and finding shelter. These needs are met with 'selfish' intent.

The pursuit of pleasure is a selfish endeavor. Wanting the feeling that someone 'loves' you is wanting pleasure. How would this not be selfish?

The problem is thinking that the cultural idea of 'selfishness' and the reality of meeting your needs are the same. Culture puts a moral value on the idea that does not belong there. It is just a fact and the effort made to disguise it or flower it up with deception only causes confusion and misery.

Answer 3

It depends on if it's the condition for you to love. Does it stop you from loving if you are not loved back?
It's a selfish act if it's an act that requires getting something, anything in return. Note: require.
You can desire it all you want, as long as it's not a requirement. We have no control over what we desire, but it's up to our rational mind to make the right action.

Answer 4

If by "selfish" you mean "bad," "unreasonable," or "inappropriate," then I would say no. Wanting to be loved back, though, is definitely selfish if you remove those connotations. It is a desire for that person to love you instead of someone else, to give you something that you need.

I agree with the other answers I have read to the point that they say wanting to be loved back is natural, that it comes from a real human need. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be loved back, and there may well be something wrong with not wanting to be loved back. Still, if you want something for yourself, to the exclusion of that thing being available from that source for someone else, it is selfish.

Answer 5

It seems you and probably most attach a negative definition to the word selfish. Wonder where that started?

All wants are selfish, and that includes not wanting something.

The core of this question has to do with wanting someone else to want what you want, and that flies in the face of the concept of free will. I agree with this concept. Why? Because when we want anything we rewire our brains to need the subject of that want. Rewiring someone else's brain even when it is possible is usually a bad choice. Too much of their brains (to keep this simple) is wired differently than ours and that becomes evident with time.

Answer 6

It probably isn't selfish, but it probably is not the right reason to 'love' someone. Love has to entail that risk that the other person won't reciprocate or will stop reciprocating. If you love someone primarily based upon their loving you back, it isn't selfish, but is that actual love? Or is it just exchange? It is the risk and the uncertain tomorrow that makes love so powerful and interesting. The key is that wanting to be loved back does not lead into any form of investment or requirement on the other to love you back.

In a lot of breakups (including many of mine) one person always seems to claim that they worked harder to make the relationship worked. My stupidest one was: "But I bought you those concert tickets" As if Country Music (yuck!) guaranteed me being loved back forever. This wasn't love but instead was me still playing the game. Wanting to be loved back is not selfish, but requiring being loved back in order to love someone does show limitations on self.

Answer 7

Wanting is a selfish thought. However, in order to survive, we must love and be loved in return. Therefore, it is a necessary selfish thought, and a thought that does not harm others.

Answer 8

depends... does loving you back makes him/her happy?

Everyone deserves to be loved and we are suppose to love and love back each other, however, what if you just can't. Haven't you met a person that without doing anything you just can't love, like... or sometimes even say hi!

So, if you wanting to be loved back interferes with the intentions of the person who you want to receive love from then yes... you are being selfish because you want what you want regardless... Now, if you love someone and that person enjoys your love then he/she should also love you back and make you feel as good as you make him/her feel.

Answer 9

No and you should be loved. Sometimes I think we can feel like we are not loved by others when they do things that we don't understand. Remember that everyone has their own way of showing love and not everyones way is the same. For example I show love by doing things for some one. I'm not a real huggy kissy person but I will do something that I think is special for some one I love. My daughter shows she loves me by constantly trying to hug me and kiss me. My husband shows me he loves me by spending time with me and when I spend time with him that's when he truly feels loved. If you ever feel like you are not loved Ask the other person how the show you that they love you and maybe the answer will help you see how truly loved you are.

Answer 10

no because wanting to be loved BACK means you have already given love and if you want it back means you want it in return. It can't be selfish if you gave already...