We've been together for 6 years, engaged for 2. What can I do? He's agreed to see a therapist, but what do I do in the mean time? I have to see him every day knowing he doesn't love me...
2007-06-25 07:56:54 · 20 answers · asked by Rayne 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been living together for three years. And I know a therapist cant MAKE him love me. I just don't know how to act around him. Do we not kiss goodbye? Do I now have to close the door when I'm changing? Do we wait for the therapist to say, "Ok, now you may hug again."
2007-06-25 12:28:26 · update #1
You are jumping to conclusions.
He said he's "NOT SURE".
You heard he "DOES NOT".
Relax, maybe he is just in that stage of relationship between "in love" and "loving".
Remember "in love" is only see the good in a person and dreaming of a perfect life together.
"Loving" is accepting the other person for who they truly are (good & bad).
2007-06-25 08:29:33 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, getting him to see a therapist is one thing, but no doctor or counselor in the world can make him love you! Let this man go before you only end up hurting yourself. Because if you go through with the therapist and he decides to marry you - after being brain washed - he'll eventually wake up and find that he's miserable. I mean I could say that it's cold feet, but after together 6 years and engaged for 2, I think you've given him plenty of time to figure things out. If I were you, I'd cut my losses and save my money. If he's not in love with you, forcing him to marry you is a huge mistake. Good luck.
2007-06-25 15:07:59 · answer #2 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know that sucks, but it's alot better than getting married and THEN finding that out. If he has agreed to go to counseling about it, he loves you. Sounds like he has some other things going on in his life and maybe you don't know the whole story. Bide your time, see what happens with the therapist. Try and remain calm, remember... he wouldn't go to the trouble of seeing a therapist if he didn't love you. OK?
2007-06-25 15:01:50 · answer #3 · answered by Ginger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be thankful he is being truthful and not hiding his thoughts.
My feeling is you two are shacked up together and playing house and now that you are planning a real marriage with a real commitment he is wondering if he really wants to continue the status quo.
There is absolutely no reason why you must see this person every day. Matter of fact it would do him good to give him ALOT of space and get a taste of what life without you would be like.
Move in with a friend, move your stuff out, and absolutely NO MORE SEX!!!
My feeling is once he sees the big void in his life without you.. he will begging you to come back into his life as his wife.
2007-06-25 15:08:02 · answer #4 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's seeing a therapist, because he doesn't love you? LOL...that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. What, is the therapist going to do - hypnotize him, or get to the root of why he doesn't love you? Is he going to all of a sudden realize that he's been lying to himself, and that yes, he does love you after all? Is she going to change his feelings?
What's wrong with you? You can't make someone love you. And the long engagement should've told you something.
2007-06-25 15:08:08 · answer #5 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him time to deal with the emotion he is having.
maybe the thought of getting married is giving him cold feet. how do someone not know they do love you after six years.
i mean it could happen, but highly doubt he doesn't love you. the fact he agreed to see a therapist shows that he wants it to work between you two.
in the meantime, try to figure out what you want in life and ask yourself if this is the type of person that you want to spend your life with. evaluate.
if he is the one you want to be with, then work with him through his moment of doubt.
he probably hasn't seen a successful marriage in his life time and does not want to put you through that type of pain.
the main thing is not to pressure him. don't force him to make a decision because it would only make his rebel from it. also, don't allow him to have you just hang around and waste your time.
i know it sounds confusing, but you know him better than anybody in this community, so you have to make the decision to stay or go.
2007-06-25 15:08:16 · answer #6 · answered by karMA_DAME 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While your both seeing a therapist, I think is best you dont live together and if you dont live together then dont see each other everyday. Its best you find out now then after you were married.
2007-06-25 15:18:59 · answer #7 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy won't make him love you, but may help him determine if he still has feelings for you or not.
You can only be yourself. Perhaps your relationship has run its course, or maybe he's just going through something internally himself.
You don't know he doesn't love you...you said he wasn't sure. Therefore know that if he had no feelings at all, he'd likely have moved on.
I hope it works out for the best for you both.
2007-06-25 15:00:45 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face reality. Better now than later. Frankly, 6 years and 2 years are all very long and are signs of dragging. Only rare circumstances (such as attending college) would justify that. Otherwise, you are just his free rides and it is getting old for him, putting it bluntly.
2007-06-25 15:03:53 · answer #9 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he say that then he does not love you. I hate to say it to hurt your feelings but its' the truth. loving someone is the easiest feeling to have, you just know because you want to be with the person all the time. you can't breath, you can't sleep if they are not by your side. just thinking about them makes you smile. if he doesn't feel that way, you need to find someone who is worth your love. being married is a lifetime commitment. if he is already not sure if he loves you then your marriage is not gonna last. let him go.
2007-06-25 15:11:01 · answer #10 · answered by Ethan's Mama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋