Is it right to trick my husband?

Question

HI. I am married to an amazing man. We have 3 lovely healthy kids the youngest of which is now 4 years old. The problem is he doesn't want any more kids and I really do. He's afrais it would mean me having a 4th caesarean and maybe the baby would be sick. He says he's happy the way we are-2 girls 1 boy-the perfect family. Problem is I'm yearning for another baby and have been for years. After unsuccessfully trying to convince him I have removed my IUD without telling him. It won't be on my records as I did it myself....What do you think?

Answer 1

My feeling is if you have to ask if it is wrong or not...you know the answer already in your heart...It is wrong to manipulate and lie to your husband. One lie always ends up with another and another...and then it becomes one big mess. I am sure you don't want to lose or tarnish your husbands trust for you. Do the right thing and tell your husband.

Answer 2

Marriage is a sacred thing, and it only thrives if there's a good line of open comunication and trust. There MUST be trust! Removing your IUD without your husbands knowledge breaks that trust, what do you think will happen when he finds out? If youre really that desperate to have another child, talk to your husband....really talk with him. If hes insistent on not having another because of the fear of health issues with you and the baby, maybe talk to him about adoption. No C-section for you and a baby in need of a loving home and family will have one. There are many infants and children in our adoption system who need homes, maybe this is something you and your husband would be interested in. In either case, its never a right thing to trick your husband into anything. I'm sure he married you because he loves you and trusts you, and to betray that for a reason such as this, I think, is rather selfish. Now certainly I'm not saying youre a bad person, nor am I judging you. I just want you to realize that what you have done is wrong, and if he finds out, (and 9 times out of 10 this stuff does come out) I'm sure your husband will be heartbroken.

Answer 3

I didn't know a woman could have more than three C-sections. I have a cousin who had three and now she can't have any more kids.

Anyway, that's not the point, the point is, what you did was wrong. You said he's an amazing man, he doesn't deserve this deception. You should tell him and maybe talk about it again and if he still thinks it's a risk then be thankful. You don't want to cause problems in your marriage do you?

Just sit down and talk about it with him. Tell him how you feel and make an appointment with a doctor and see what the doctor has to say.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

What if your amazing man decided to sell your home, move the family into a small trailer and live off of odd jobs that he could do at his leisure? Maybe an extreme example, but the point is - what your deciding to do without his input is life changing. A child is forever and to do this without you both being in the same state of mind is not fair to him or the child. Have you thought about getting a counselor involved, preferably one with some background in gynecology. That way you can both address your fears and concerns and get some straight answers. Sometimes a qualified third party can really help. Good luck!

Answer 5

Maybe it's time you looked into WHY you want to have another baby since you already have a perfect, happy, and large family? What is it about being pregnant or being a new mom again that attracts you? Is there some void you are trying to fill? I would suggest you get into some counseling to figure out why you want another child, instead of playing the game of deception on your happy family. If you do end up conceiving out of manipulation, you may not have such a happy family anymore. Think about it.

Answer 6

Let me see ok i´m not in any way to say that i have more experience in this than you i have no kid´s and have only bin married for a year but me and my husband are true to one another and that works fore us are you ready to lie to your husband for ever? I think that it's better to have 3 healthy kid's then a ugly divorce and also it is just wrong to trick a person in to some thing wood you want him to trick you in to some thing that you didn't wont just think hared about it be fore you do some thing that you'll regret later because he'll find out later and then what he perhaps a divorce?!!

Answer 7

how would you like it if he wanted another child so badly and you didnt, that he went and knocked up some girl ??? to him , it's kind of like cheating on him. He might think your only sleeping with him now to get pregnant again. And for you to dig out our own IUD. is just gross.

Answer 8

I think that's horrible to decieve your own husband like that. And why would you remove it yourself?

Either way, he's gonna find out sooner or later that you tricked him into getting you pregnant, and he's not gonna be too happy about it!

You'll regret doing it in the longrun.

Answer 9

I understand why everyone is gonna tell you that this is a horrible thing to do to your husband, but i also understand that desperate yearning for another baby. As long as you are not jeopardizing your own health i say go for it.

Answer 10

its very understandable, but you should still tell him. He's going to find out sooner or later.
If it makes you feel better, I've been contemplating stopping my birth control without telling my husband but I have decided not to because it would be wrong. I'm sure he would want to know that we are having sex not just for fun but to conceive a child.