I had a romance with this married man. He swears he loves me and he says he has been married only to give his son a home, he says that he doesn't love his wife and that they haven't have sex in months. I'm married too and I have a son too. And I know it's not right but sometimes things happen that way in life, so don't answer if you want to accuse me please, it's a long long story. I was just about to leave my husband for him, but when I told him about it he just said "I can't leave them, I have to protect my family, it can't be that way". The problem is that he still says that he dreams with me and that I am his true love. He doesn't matter if we never see each other, and only talk by mail or phone. He says that he just want to know how I am, how I feel. He says he just want's to be around. I still love him, miss him, and I don't know what to do. In addition, I feel very bad because he is still with his wife, I feel a little humilliated. Why men do such things?should I believe him?
2007-06-25 07:21:39 · 27 answers · asked by kitkat20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I used to date married women when I was younger and it seems to me that he is doing what I call "dangling the carrot".
He pushes you away from the relationship and then dangles the carrot to see you come back to him. He makes himself appear noble and good guy and in truth its just to see how much control he has over you.
He is not open and honest with everyone about your relationship so therefore he is a liar.
Do you think its a good idea to trust a liar?
Every time you go back to him you are telling him how much control he has over you.
2007-06-25 07:57:56 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Kitten, he's not the first one or the last one to use that old trick on women. He will never leave his wife. He likes having an affair with you and nothing more. You would both end up free tomorrow morning and he would not even pick you for a mate. It's all a game. Even the ''I love you'' are a game. Sure he wants to be around and use you when he can.
No you should not believe in him. You should stop all contacts with him and put some things straight into your own marriage. You're unhappy leave your husband and start a new life. Don't use a married man as a crutch you will end up falling on your face.
2007-06-25 07:29:55 · answer #2 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not accusing you but, you do need an objective look at what you're saying.
'I'm married too and I have a son too. And I know it's not right but sometimes things happen that way in life'. Words from years of justification.
Why do men do what things, cheat on their wives and lie their way around it? Because he has a long, long story just like you do.
You were just about to leave your husband for him? What stopped you? Obviously there is no further reason stay with your husband, right?
If you're so determined to leave your husband, then leave your husband, stop waiting for Mr. Dependability to leave his family first. He's not going to be any more trustworthy to you than he is with his current wife, accept it.
Justification can take you way, way, way down the wrong road without ever realizing that you're trying to figure how to build your life on quicksand.
You're walking a well trodden path to heartache and disappointment.
2007-06-25 07:47:06 · answer #3 · answered by ahhgodzirra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men give the same story. Don't leave your husband unless you are really unhappy in the marriage.
If you and your hubby are fighters and not on friendly terms, then it's time to split. You aren't doing your children any favors by making them live a home where mom and dad fight all the time.
If you get along and your hubby has no idea that something else was going on, then you will have to decide whether or not to tell him.
Everyone is different and will react differently. You may need to go into therapy to deal with the guilt of cheating on your hubby. If you tell him, he may be able to forgive you or he may leave.
The other guy loves his wife, no matter what he tells you. He will never leave, he has a comfy life-a wife, a son, a home, and a lover. I'd leave him long before I'd leave your hubby.
Good luck with that mess.
2007-06-25 07:30:47 · answer #4 · answered by snakekeeper27 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In MY OPINION he is lying to you about his wife. They are probably still having sex and she has no clue about you.
You need to leave your husband and give him a chance to find someone better. You're right some things just happen but he doesn't deserve to be treated this way.
Kids aren't stupid, they know when things aren't right.
If your lucky your husband will forgive you, if not maybe you can see your son a couple times a month.
2007-06-25 07:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, you went out with a guy who would cheat on his wife and you're asking us whether or not he's a man of integrity? COME ON. you have some nerve questioning someone else's honesty when you've been living a lie. life doesn't just happen TO you honey, YOU make the choices so stop acting like a poor victim who had no responsibity in the matter.
2007-06-25 07:38:13 · answer #6 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you leave him and move on, it'll be the best thing you'll ever do. It will hurt for a little while, but you'll be way better off. It sounds like he's playing you and keeping your feelings under his control. It probably adds a little excitement and spice into his life so that he can exist in his marriage. Don't be a victim to that! You're both in marriages and you know that this situation isn't a wise thing to do. Try applying your feelings and effort into your marriage for the benefit of your child.
2007-06-25 07:29:52 · answer #7 · answered by mom2two 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow. im sorry about this. i dont judge. believe me....... i understand.
i think that the bottom line is that if he is clearly not going to leave his family...which he has told you....and you are madly in love with him.... you should cut ties with him b/c he will hold you back. On another note... I think it is obvious that you are unhappy in your marriage so it is time to focus on that. Either try counseling and try to fix it.... or leave. They are two separate issues. If you were willing to leave him for another man, then something is def wrong there. But....the married guy....it sounds like he is firm in his belief that he will not leave his wife so it really doesnt matter if he is in love with you or lying.... the end result is the same...him wanting to stay married to her and the fact that you have no future with him. Thats sad. Lots of married men pick married women to have an affair with b/c they believe they wont leave their husbands and it can stay as a booty call thing with no commitment. Im sorry. Keep your head up and focus on yourself and your kids. You deserve better.
2007-06-25 07:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by maslinda74 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he really enjoys the power he has over you. Maybe the rest of his life at home and work makes him feel powerless so he started a relationship probably not with the intention of stringing you along but then found out how great it was to be the puppet master.
No, you should not believe him, you should walk away very quickly. If you are unhappy in your marriage end it and you'll be free to pursue a relationship that will not be used for stroking someone's ego.
Best of luck
2007-06-25 07:30:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lori A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, it's pretty problematic if he leaves his wife because like you said, he has a son. If the son is really young, it could be really damaging as he grows up without one of his parents around. So you see, you're both stuck in a temptation-stalemate. But this really seems like a dysfunctional relationship if the lusting-from-afar feelings continue. It'd be smart to break it off before your spouse finds out.
2007-06-25 07:32:29 · answer #10 · answered by Intrep 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋