My memories are blurred.
The ones from 5 years ago,
Begin to moan.
As i go through my years,
I keep all the tears.
Hoping that the tears I shed,
will take me back to the years that are dead.
My memories are heard in my head,
It’s a movie in my mind that always rewinds and reminds.
2007-06-25 07:20:20 · 26 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Nah its bollox, dont give up your day job eh?
2007-06-25 07:22:47 · answer #1 · answered by cockneyboy 2 · 3⤊ 7⤋
it is not made clear whether the memories are forgotten or remembered. at first u say they are blurred but then u compare them to a movie that keeps on reminding u of them. and why do u want to remember such a time if it brought so much tears - why do u keep all the tears hoping to take u back ??
2007-06-25 08:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Lara^mt 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nice. a deep meaning behind a modern theme. Quite an individual. And thank you for not being stereotyped and making it rhyme!!!
Info: - It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme!!!! A poem is just another way to communicate, and we don't spend all our time when talking, rhyming, do we? That would just be very much like a musical...
2007-06-25 09:39:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is pretty good. My favorite part is the Hoping that the tears I shed, will take me back to the years that are dead.
2007-06-25 10:55:26 · answer #4 · answered by jazzybabe13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a good poem, but you should use the enjambment style for the last line and break it up. (ex)
It's a movie in my mind
that always rewinds and
Reminds.
2007-06-26 09:49:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The concept is good but I wouldn't get so caught up on making it rhyme because at the moment it isn't really working. Maybe just say what you want to say and use the words you really feel rather than what fits the rhyme.
2007-06-25 07:25:00 · answer #6 · answered by Poison 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The subject and emotion are really good, but I think the rhythm could be a bit more structured
2007-06-25 07:26:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeh it's pretty good...but I think the thing that will make it fab is if you don't rhyme all the time.
2007-06-25 09:57:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quite good, keep going. Never listen to anyone, if you like it, it's good. Someone will always love it or hate it.
2007-06-25 07:35:35 · answer #9 · answered by india 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Very touching
2007-06-25 07:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
very very very good!! thts a great 1!! carry on i would luv to read more of ur work !! God bless u !
2007-06-25 12:38:35 · answer #11 · answered by Est passé de velours ♥Rose♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋