My wife and I have been having problemd for a bout 6 months.
We've been trying to conceive or adopt, have had many stresses and generally have not been getting along on this subject.
Recently, I 've noticed her becoming secretive, distant, our sex life has suffred, we been bickering and I became suspicious. So, I installed a spyware program on our computer and was able to gain access into her e-mail.
I discovered correspondances with a couple of her girlfriends where she was discussing a crushon a married co-worker.
I admitted what I had done and how I gathered the information and confronted her. While there has been no action on this crush, there has been a flirtation that has gone on for a coupe months.
She feels that she has done nothing wrong by having this crush/flirtation and feels I have crossed a line. I contend that while my behavior is certainly worthy of an apology, I fear for my marriage (which is in trouble) and am just trying to gain answers.
Am I over reacting?
2007-06-25 06:59:51 · 17 answers · asked by ? 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You both need forgiveness from each other. I suggest you and your wife go to counseling to try to work on your marriage. She gave you reason to be suspicious, so she must accept part of the blame because she is doing something that is certainly not appropriate for a married person. I actually understand your position and why you did what you did, so I'd say you are not over reacting.
2007-06-25 07:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
um...I have a crush on Kate Beckinsale and my wife knows it. She has had a crush on David James Elliott for a long time...and I know it. Fantasizing about a 'crush' is nothing but feeding the imagination. Doing something about the fantasy is another story. Both of you have 'crossed' a line and both of you need to apologize and then have a heart to heart talk. Long past time for it too by the sounds of it. Honest, open and calm discussion of what's bugging both of you is the first step to figuring out the problems and fixing them. If you can't do it on your own, go get professional help..but start with talking TO EACH other without blame or anger. Geez....you installed spyware??? Can you not see why she would be upset? I bet she understands why you are upset...
2007-06-25 14:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your wife has been focusing on flirting with this other man than her marriage with you.
Affairs aren't just sexual. Her actions leads me to believe that at present she is involved in an emotional affair (all be it one sided).
People are only concerned with their privacy when they have something to hide.
I would tell your wife that you now have serious doubts on whether you want to stay with her since she can't see anything wrong in her actions. If she can't realize it was her actions that lead you to do what you did then its time to move on.
2007-06-25 14:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be pretty upset if my husband spied on me and its good of you to admit that you were wrong and should apologize...however, if I was in your wife's situation, i'd feel guilty because I was caught which is why I'd so quickly turn the attention back to your wrong instead of focusing on what I did. So, my guess is your wife feels like she was caught and knows she was wrong, but enjoys what she's doing and doesn't want to change it.
2007-06-25 14:12:41 · answer #4 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are overreating. She is human...she is a red blooded woman....and people get crushes regardless of their status of being single or married. Acting on the feelings is a different story...but a crush is a crush is a crush, big deal.
2007-06-25 14:11:19 · answer #5 · answered by happy kat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well unfortunately the way you obtain your info was way wrong. Not to mention all you caught her doing was flirting! So yes, you are, at this point over reacting.
2007-06-25 14:09:26 · answer #6 · answered by JoJo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not feel that you are overreacting at all. I would be upset, too, to hear that my husband had a crush on a married co-worker. Good luck.
2007-06-25 14:06:19 · answer #7 · answered by Paul's Doll : ) 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She needs to quit her job and find a job with no men around.
2007-06-25 14:13:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You wanted answers, you got them. It's up to her now to either give you all or nothing. Don't be a door mat.
2007-06-25 14:06:34 · answer #9 · answered by Blue Love Aura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to SERIOUSLY reconsider having kids with the state of your marriage.
Don't bring another helpless soul into your mess!!!!!!
2007-06-25 14:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋