Do you ever resent people that have kids and act condescending or superior to you b/c you don't have kids?

Question

Have you ever encountered this? I'm 24, single, no kids, & I work my butt off to get by. I've been through a lot of bad financial situations & worked hard to pull myself out of them(in real life, I don't ilke talking about them b/c I'm afraid of looking "retarded" or like a charity case). But just because I don't have a kid, unmarried people my age(or younger) act like I'm naive, immature, & inexperienced just because I don't have a kid! Has anyone else encountered this? SO ANNOYING! Personally I think it's a lot scarier and harder to be homeless on the streets and pull yourself upward, than it is to have a kid...but the only reason I don't say that as a comeback to these condescending moms, is because I don't want to embarass myself and look "retarded" by admitting that I was homeless at one time. do they have to act that way? Why are they so narrowminded? I thought having kids was supposed to OPEN your mind to the world

What's even more annoying, is that most of the young unmarried moms that I know are STILL in a relationship with their kid's father, have support from their parents, and have never had to worry about not having a place to live or food to eat...whereas I have. Most of the "kids with kids", as I call them, have been spoiled by their parents and if they haven't had it easy, they've had it easier than if they'd raised the kid completely on their own. So why is it that they're all-mature, but I'm a naive inexperienced little girl??

To Phoenix: You bring up some good points and a good comeback. However, the sad truth is, is that I've worked so hard and I do have some stuff to show for it, but not nearly the stuff that other single college educated people my age have. And the very people that have kids, are the very people serving as MY restaurant manager...directing ME on what needs to be done at closing time at the restaurant!

Answer 1

No, I don't resent it. There are so many reasons people don't have kids- a conscious choice, or sometimes it's just something that doesn't happen (fertility issues, never marrying, whatever). Anyone who would condecend to a childless person is immature, insecure and possible cruel, given some childless people may indeed truly (and deperately) want to have them.

Answer 2

I have encountered a similar problem myself. I had never planned on having children. Women ask when my fiance and I plan to start a family, and I generally respond with " We aren't planning on having children", which causes looks of disgust on the faces of those who asked me. It's like some women think that a life without procreation is not fulfilling or something....like I have no idea what I'm missing. I've even been called cold and selfish because of it!! It's exhausting. The truth is, I work hard and I'm happy with my life. That's all that really matters. They're no smarter, better or happier than you are. Kids can be a joy, but they don't determine your life's worth.

Answer 3

My response to those people is to mention how naive they are to think they should be passing on DNA. I'm 27, single, no kids, because I think people should be mature before having children and that I'd rather wait until I'm in a loving relationship with a partner who will raise our children with me. Those people needed something to fill a void and they think everyone else does, too. What they don't understand is that you are achieving so much more than they have ever even dreamed of. It is naive to think that popping out babies is all there is in life for a woman.

Answer 4

No, I don't resent it. I "consider the source." It's their problem, Just having kids does not make you better, more mature, or more adult than anyone else.
I agree with you, though. Just go on, doing what you are doing, and KNOW that you are more mature than the people who treat you this way.

Good luck to you! I think you're terrific.

Answer 5

well as far as the young kids having babies they really cant know what its like to do it on their own. they are lucky to have mom and dad to help foot the bill. as far as you being childless, you should ALWAYS refrain yourself from talking about kids or how and why a mom does what she does. it's simple you cant know, until you know. I was 26 when i had my son so i know a Lil bit of what you are talking about so forget about the stupid words of to young to be a mom anyways people. just know that someday you will know what they meant.

Answer 6

It seems everything in american society is about children. That's probably because they are the next generation of producers and consumers and are therefore valuable commodities in a capitalist society. They are also the easiest to manipulate with commercial propaganda. The condescending attitudes you've experienced are a direct result of that mentality.