What do you think of my story ?

Question

I’m on the roof of a thirty story building,surrounded by empty bottles of beer and a whole bunch of people watching me anxiously.I got up and walked towards the edge of the roof;the wind blew through my hair and whirstled in my ears.Never once had i ever felt so void of worries and so peaceful at heart.

Tears fill my eyes and blurred my vision.I start feeling all warm inside and for the first time in 10 years, i smiled.I’m balancing on the side of the building,concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other and moving forward.On my left,there’s the view of the city from 50feet up.Everything below seem so small yet beautiful the lights look like fireflies of different colours.....to my right,i see the source of my hatred ,people of different colours, different races and religions but they all add up to one thing .....hypocrisy.

“cough....,cough!” I remove my hand from my mouth as i felt a wet and sticky substance on my palm.It was of such rich colour of red,my favourite colour.I giggled and my throat hurt.I guess i’m ready to go,i can’t wait anymore.My illness is already promting me.I take one last look at the crowd.My eyes scan through it and every thing started moving in slow motion.I spread my arms out wide,like an eagle soaring.My blood dripped from my hand onto the floor”drip..drip..drip..”

Gravity slowly dragged my body towards the earth and i began tilting ,falling over ....then,someone emerged from the door leading to the roof with a bang and ran towards me with hands outstretched.I was getting further from that famillar face i was waiting to see but i could still see him there,bending over the edge with tears in his eyes,shouting something hardly audible,people restraining him .......


Now,my final wish is fufilled, i can go in peace. I close my eyes.My tears falling along side me,the conners at the sides of my mouth continue remainding in an upward position; Icontinue smiling.As i recall the few happy membories i had with him,my only kin,my brother.The time when we first met,the time when he brought me out of the hospital ,when he was with me during treatment and finally the last happy memory he has given me before i go.

“Thud!”,i landed. Blood quickly gathered into a pool around me .No,not arround me but my 17year old body.My spirit is now free to roam where it please,freedom at last.A weightless form rising up towards a place where all souls go after death.

Answer 1

hypocrisy

Answer 2

Very good, has a bit of a Dean Koontz style.

Answer 3

Drama. Bad writing but all the drama of youth and inexperience.

Answer 4

Moves nicely, and you have a knack for detail. Kinda short though.

Answer 5

I really like it. It's sad. I also think it is honest enough to possibly be true.

Answer 6

9.5 out of 10

Answer 7

i liked it sounded like stephen king type and i loved it was very good.

Answer 8

it was good. i could visualize everything perfectly except what time of day.
other than that it was cool.

Answer 9

hhmmmmmmmm
fun

Answer 10

ok