need help for alcoholic friend?

Question

his in the navy has a wife and baby, lately it's been getting worse his been hiding money from his wife even says his working but his not. he comes home sloppy drunk puking black tar, and as soon as he feels better he starts drinking again. His wife his worried that he'll kill himself she has no idea where to get help, he says that he has a problem but never changed. His been using alot of money and he doesn't think it's going to get worse. He keep saying he knows what his doing that they will never be homeless...I feel for my friend what can she do. Every time she tells him she want to just walk away he does alot to make her suffer like by taking more money, she use to work but now a stay home mom so right now all she count on is his check. He wont even let her managed any of their account. How can I help her.

Answer 1

Your friend has to take the lead!!! And I mean the LEAD of her, his and their baby's life. If she is planning to stay with him, the best thing to do if he is in the Navy is to go to the very top or as high as she knows(because I am sure she knows somebody who is higher than her husband) and tell them the story. It will not look bad, trust me. She just has to be in control and without crying and all that soap she has to go to the official in charge of her hubby and tell them that she wants his pay checks into a separate account due to him being an alcoholic and not knowing what he is doing. They will be able to put him on his spot and should be able to tell her what to do and where to seek help. If the guy wants to keep his job he will try to do something about it. And if not then tell your friend to let him go. That's the best she can do not only for herself but for her baby too.

Answer 2

There isn't much you can do unless you want to support her and her child. I walked away from an alcoholic with my small child and no money or job but thankfully I had family that helped me out. With their help and welfare for a few months I made it. Maybe she could talk to her family or even try going to alanon support.

Answer 3

Tell her to start attending Al-anon meetings. She will learn alot more about his "disease", she could try to have an intervention for him. But, unfortunately, he is going to have to want help. Usually an alcoholic will have to hit a pretty hard bottom in order to clean up their lives. She might want to make another plan for herself now and tell him call me when you have at least 3 months sober and not until then. He will take her down with him, alcoholics wreak havoc and take everyone with them when they go down.
If she bails now, he will hit his bottom sooner, and the sooner he will get the help he needs.
If she stands by him, pray for her, she is going to need it.

Answer 4

You can't help your friend, but you can help his wife and children by hooking her up with someone from alanon; there are great people there who will help her to understand her situation and herself enough to do what she has to do. You can't help your friend until he hits his bottom, and that could take a very long time and be very painful for you, you could also go to alanon and learn about this devastating disease that he has, they really do help.

Answer 5

It is sad but true that alcohol is the drinker's "BEST FRIEND", and a loved one's "WORST ENEMY ". There is a lot of advice you can give your friend, with all the books out there on the subject, but she has to remember that ultimately alcohol is like a "loaded gun" in the hands of a "FOOL".

I advised a friend one time to leave her husband, before he became worse, she thought things would get better...so she stayed. TWO black eyes, some broken ribs, and knife wounds to her back, told her it was time to leave.

I worked with a lady who left her husband's abuse. He was "WONDERFUL" when he wasn't drinking, so she kept going back. She saw the man he "use" to be. Then one day with swollen eyes she saw the man he had become.

I read a tradgic story one time that told about
"3 STRIKES...YOU'RE DEAD ". I don't recall where I saw it...but it touched my heart. It went like this.

A young woman loved a man. They met at the bar and fell head over heels in love with each other. On the weekend they drank and danced the night away. They would go home and make "Beautiful Love" to each other. They stayed together for many years. One day the young woman looked old and haggard, and like she had missed sleep. One of her friends asked her if she was ok. Later they discovered that his drinking had escalated into full blown rampages. He swore he could quit drinking at any time he wanted " He JUST didn't WANT to. She moved in with a friend. One day he appeared sober and begged her back. She went. Before long she knocked on the door of that friend's house. A few months later she went back. Once again she returned. Once again she went back.
Each time she went back they made "SWEET LOVE" together. But then alcohol made him a monster...worse each time! This time she did not return to her friends house. She had been beaten so severly that she would not have lived anyway...but he did not want to take any chances. So he shot her. He then shot his young children, and himself. He lived...she died all in the name of "LOVE."
Every alcoholic will tell you they have it under control. I had a friend many years ago. She was a terrible drunk. She pucked her guts up and swore that was the last time. It wasn't. She had young children who had no food...I got food from the food bank for them (NOT because I felt sorry for her.. but for her kids. Her mother took her kids and they went on to live a good live. I moved away and heard that her drinking got so bad that one day she drank for the last time...she put a gun in her mouth and blew her brains out.
Alcohol will take food out of your children's mouth. Leave you with no electricity, no running water, sometimes not even a roof over your head. My advice would be this. LOVE is an addiction for some people just as surely as alcohol. Make sure if your friend chooses to leave this man that she have somewhere safe to go. A woman's shelter is the place to start. Because a man who has no control over his drinking will surely feel he has control over his wife and children.

To some love is like gasoline...it can ignite a powerful spark. If she wants to change her life, she needs to think it through and gather ALL the RESOURCES she can in order to BE SAFE when she leaves. If she chooses to stay... I hope she will not become another " 3 STRIKES YOU'RE OUT!"

Give her my best!
As a friend you can only do so much...the rest is truely up to her. She is sitting on a Chess board...the next move belongs to her.

Answer 6

From this point it's only going to get worse. You can help her by getting her out of there to a safe place to go until her husband can get his problem under control.

Answer 7

talk to one of his navy buddies or his superior officer. the navy has great help for sailors who have any type of problem. if he thinks he doesnt have a problem then nothing you say or do will convince him. he has to wake up and see it himself. that is where the navy councelors can help

Answer 8

Go to your local alchoholics anonymous meeting, attend one and explain your situation and ask for advice. They will provide the best insight into what you need to do.

Answer 9

people wont change until they get that wake up call. A visit to the hospital or a visit to jail. Will wake sombody up.....

Answer 10

unless he wants help he will not stop
she needs to go to Al-Anon meetings to understand
and she Might need to leave him