Anyone been married 10+ years?

Question

And still love their partner?
I ask this question because it seems that I have more and more days where I have to find a reason to stay.

More and more I feel as though we are just two people who are 'together' because that's all we've known for so long.

I feel as though I am already alone.

Answer 1

17 years and still lovin him more and more. Remember to do the little silly stuff. A note here, waiting behind the door and tackling him there and a good game of tag are a few things to start with.( wrestling is great too.) Having fun keeps the relationship going. Don't stop.. The grass really isn't greener on the other side. Be happy with what you have, and keep making it better. Good luck.

Answer 2

My wife and I have been together for 19 years. Married for 10. Marriage is now walk in the park and it takes work and time and energy. If you love someone, and that person chooses to love you, then you are never alone. I would begin to communicate how your feeling. It is not going to be easy to express how you feel, but by letting your partner know your feelings, you both find something about each other. For whatever reason, your needs are not being met and you need to express those needs and compromise on what each of you want out of your marriage.

You have to want to stay, finding the reasons is just your way of dealing with needs that are not being met. Ask yourself, what do you want from the marriage, what are your needs that will keep you happy. Talk with your partner, then talk some more.

Communication is key and lack of it will destroy you, then your marriage. If you both openly discuss what are the issues and challenge in the marriage, you may find that you both have just changed that much in the 10 years, and your needs in the relationship are way too different.

Find that common ground if you really want your marriage to last. Ask the question, Do you want to fix your marriage?

Answer 3

Been married for a little over 11 years and together for over 14. Everyday has been hell on earth. "Just kidding" the first seven I've always heard are the hardest. For me that was true, on into year 10. Last year we almost split, but we sat down andd asked each other if it was what we wanted. We also asked eachother what was missing from the other that we once had. We realize than, that was it. We never really sat down and talked. Talking about everything, or anything, but mostly about each other. We had taken for granted how the other had felt. we also had taken for granted that we loved each other, and the other had known it. We were so busy we almost lost each other in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
So now, everyday as soon as I get home, I give her a hug, and ask how her day was. I shut up and listen as I hold her. I may ask for additional detail, but that's it. When I get home, rather than the hateful overtone in her voice because of a hard day, she asks if I'd like a glass of tea, or something.

We also found a couple of small monkey figurines. One a male, and the other a female. They sit on the fireplace mantle. When one of us are upset at the other we'll turn our monkey facing the wall. When we see the others monkey, turned around than that person will aproach the other "kindly". This has worked wonders. Sounds stupid, but it has worked for us.
It has been great for our relationship, and I think we get along better now than when we first met.

Answer 4

We have been married for thirty two years and up to now
we still enjoy being together. Marriage is a two way traffic
affair. It is not enough that a man provides for the family,he
must also act as the conduit that will bind the family. And the
woman must see to it that communication between husband
and wife is always present because it serves as the link to
better know what problems need attention and not be left
unattended. Try to initiate changes in your daily routine and
do not sulk in the corner, communicate with your partner and
you'll find that the feeling of being alone will vanish and a more vibrant relationship will ensue.

Answer 5

It will be 25 years tomorrow, all good, far from it. Finally got him to agree to go to counseling for some of the issues we have been dealing with. I am very hopeful. But even though we are dealing with other issues now, I don't feel like we are two people together because that's all we know.
I do remember at about the 10 year mark that happening, and I am assuming their are children at this point. You two have drifted away. When my husband and I were at that point we use to date night once a month. Depending on finances maybe even stay over night somewhere. No talking about the kids, jobs nothing, just us and what was important to us. It definitely helped us reconnect.
Remember marriage is work, and a good marriage is a lot of work, but so worth it.

Answer 6

The period of 7-10 years is what I call the "7-year-itch" time. It's a difficult time in the marriage because you have to realize that you must either accept your spouse for better or worse or you can let the marriage go and not look back. I struggled during that period of time - - - I was restless, looking for fault in him at every turn and felt like I was alone in raising the kids. But one day I decided that I was going to hang in there and tough it out. I'm so glad I did!!!! I guess I just found out that my happiness didn't depend on him making me happy. I had to learn to be my own individual person and have my own interests. I have learned through the years that he actually has sacrificed a lot to make this marriage work and I appreciate him more now than I ever have. We have weathered the hard times and look forward to spending our senior years together!

Love is a choice, you know. If you married him for the right reasons, it's probably worth hanging in there.

Answer 7

We've been married almost 18 years. I guess I'm learning more and more how lucky we are, that we made a good choice in choosing one another!
We are totally happily married, though of course we've been through hard times as everyone does - but we've always come out on the other end stronger for it. Our love has deepened and grown over the years, and we still have a lot of fun and lust in our marriage! We have a 15 year old son, and together we make a wonderful family!

Answer 8

This July I'll have been married to my husband for 9 years, but in total, we've been together for 15...since I was 16 years old. In the past, I was in the same place you are now, having to look for reasons to stay..and not normally coming up with many! Lately, I don't know what it is..but we've seemed to start treating each other the way we used to when we were younger...like our relationship is being taken back. I can honestly say that I love him more now, than I did in the beginning. We've got so much history, we know each other better than any other person in the world possibly could..and I love that!

You need to try thinking about the reasons why you fell in love in the first place. Try to take yourself back to that point in your life. It's exactly what I did..and he started responding to it! All of a sudden we are closer now than we've been in a long, long time..and I am so grateful for it. If you want to be with your husband, then stay, and try. I did, and we're both glad for it....I'm glad for us, and for the sake our two children!

Answer 9

I have been been married to my husband for 7 years, but together for 16.
I can relate to the feeling of finding reasons to stay! So your not crazy! There are days we can not stand each other! LOL
I'm not positive but I think sometimes we both feel like we are the only one in the world that will put up with the other!!
We love each other most days and those days are pretty good! I think that is true for almost every married couple!!
P.S. did I mention this is my second marriage?

Answer 10

Answer to your question is yes over 19 years. But that really isn't the question or problem that your having. You just need to examine what has changed and why do you feel this way. Really need to sit down with spouse and discuss these feelings. Every relationship has its ups and downs in addition to get into a rut. The key is to find way out of the rut and this is where a good marriage will shine because between the two of you a solution can be found.