what would you do?

Question

My husband and his 3rd cousin are really close......i understand there relationship hes like her big brother....my problem is that sometime he will choose her over me and im his wife......this has been going on for about 2 years now.....how would you handle it????

i have told him how i feel...and he chooses her by blowing me off, like we live at his grandmas old house and she lives with his mom in the next neighborhood, ill tell him i want him to spend the day with me and soon or later he'll find a way to go over there to play with her....dont get me wrong i love her to death but i want MY husband back.....

i have told him how i feel...and he chooses her by blowing me off, like we live at his grandmas old house and she lives with his mom in the next neighborhood, ill tell him i want him to spend the day with me and soon or later he'll find a way to go over there to play with her....dont get me wrong i love her to death but i want MY husband back.....

Answer 1

well family does come first but talk it over to him about it n tell him how uve been feelin all this time about him n her hanging out to much other than wid u.......

Answer 2

The day that you and your husband entered into a marital covenant, the both of you left your families to start your own family history, to become soulmates, best friends......a whole and complete unit. The only woman that your husband should be giving this much quality attention is YOU, and for you to have even tolerate it this long shows you have substantial patience as a wife. I really don't mean to sound vulgar, gross or primal, but I recently read a question a female asked about whether she should continue a fling with her first cousin because he adequately satisfied her sexually.....things like that do happen, do you think your husband is sexually involved with her? It is something to consider, especially if your own sex life with him is not up to par. Since you've already told him how you feel and things haven't changed (for two years, huh?), you need to take a firm stand and give an ultimatum for him stop spending excessive time with his cousin or you're going to leave him. You're not a boring person when he's around YOU, are you? This is also something to consider, because there's definitely a reason why he's over there so much. Blood is thicker than water, but your "other half" takes precedence over EVERYONE else on this planet, including your parents......as many times as you've told him, you need to have one more conversation with the ultimatum mentioned.....

Answer 3

Ok....
First and foremost, you DON'T want to come in-between thier relationship. This is KEY. It will just generate un-needed resentment.

Although at the same time, you don't want thier relationship to come in-between you and your husband. Quite a quandry.

I understand you have talked to your husband, but sometimes the way you approach the subject makes a difference also. I could be wrong here, but try some of these phrases, statements (because it seems like this is what you are saying to us).

Just like I said, you don't want to get between them, but you don't want the same to happen to you and you already feel like it is happening. Tell him this: Tell him spending time is important to you. Tell him you understand he feels the same about spending time with his 3rd cousin. That he wants to hang out with them. Yet you need his time too. You want to hang out with him. Ask him how he would feel if his cousin got a new friend and started blowing him of to hang out with them. Stopped sharing 'thier time' as it were, because no matter what anyone says, our time is our time married or not. You must keep in mind (a guys perspective) that all men need time to spend thier time on activities not delagated by thier wife or signifigant other sometimes. Try to avoid giving him this feeling. Also, another idea is to act disinterested. Find your own activities. When he starts wondering where you are, or why he can't spend time with you, he might start to understand how you feel. Or he might not, but I would suggest this as a second choice over just making it as clear as possible that he should spend time with you. Also this pulls away from the root issue, which is you need to be around him more.

Make him feel like he is making the decision if possible.

In any case good luck. This is a toughie.

Answer 4

You said they are like siblings. That is a bond that no one should ever come between. How is he choosing her over you. When you two have plans does he leave you hanging to spend time with her? do you and her not get along and he sides with her? When it's the big things that matter is he by your side. Maybe he feels obligated to her, because he has always been there for her. My husband raised his brothers and still to this day, they are all in there 30's still feels the need to drop everything if they need them.
Just because they aren't blood siblings doesn't make it any less of a sibling bond.

Answer 5

My ex-husband use to spend many nights a week with his best buddy building model airplanes and talking on the CB radio. It was his way of copping out of family problems. I got fed up with it and divorced him.
If your husband is spending more time with her than you maybe some family counseling would make him think about what is important. Even if you just bring the counseling issue up he'll get the idea that you are unhappy.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Next time that it happens, let him know that it bothers you. Communication is the key to any good relationship, and he may be able to give you an answer as to why he does it that will allow you to see it from his point of view, or he may realize that it's hurting you and start taking you into consideration before he chooses to do something with her before you. Trust me, there's been times when I complained to my fiancee about her choosing people over me, and sometimes she has a really good reason and I realize that I'm making a big deal over nothing; sometimes she apologizes.

Answer 7

Talk to him about how it makes you feel I'm sure he will understand ask him how he would feel if were you having the same relationship with a cousin of yours.He is not giving you the respect as wife that you need.

Answer 8

Why does he have to "choose" either of you?
Was he this close to her while you guys were just dating?

If this is a new behavior then yes I would be concerned, but if he's been this close to her from the beginning, then you just have to accept it.

Have you talked to him about this to let him know how upset about it that you truly are?

If you have and this is still what's going on then you only have 1 of 2 choices to make, either you accept their relationship (and be more involved with the 2 of them) or you decide that you just can't live with it.

You will not be able to change him.
Only he will be able change himself, if he wants to!

Answer 9

I say tit for tat...try becoming close friends with his cousin, go shopping with her, have coffee..etc, leave him at home. Let him see what it feels like to be left out. I know they usually say two wrongs don't make a right, but in this circumstance, its the only thing I can think of to try. Good luck, and don't give up on him!

Answer 10

Well she may be family, but there has to be something said for marriage...

His first priority should be to you... hands down. You are his wife... have a talk with him about it... specifically how it makes you feel. If his reaction is to go defensive and defending his actions.. you may want to seek marriage counselling.

It really depends on what he is siding with... if its something trivial or its something she is "right" about... you need to take a critical look at how you are evaluating the situation...

Answer 11

i would talk to him & draw a line, & be very clear about this, let him choose you or her, if he choose her then there nothing left for you, leave him, i once had the same problem my ex would choose his faimly over me, it kept on going for 1 yrs & half nothing changes no matter how many times we talked abt it, it won't afact him, so i left him,

stay with someone that love you & that choose you over his famiy & freinds Never fell for a jerks that treat you like a door mat