what to do for a friend who just lost a family member?

Question

I have a wounderful friend who has had a death in her family. I don't know what to say or do for her. She is the type of person who is the one with all the answers now she needs my help and I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

First, realize that you cannot take the pain away.

It will take time.

So all you can do is be there when she needs you. Let her talk or cry when she needs to; distract her when she can be distracted.

Listen to her with your heart.

Don't try to take the pain away -- the things you'll end up saying will actually be more hurtful than simply saying nothings, such as "I'm sorry." "I know." "It's sad." "Yes, it hurts."

BTW, if she laughs about the person, don't be shocked. She's going through a really big emotion, and her feelings are likely to bounce around all over the place.

When you're thinking of someone you've just lost, one of the things you do is remember all the things you loved about that person, including funny things.

When my father died, one of the best things a friend said to me was "I really don't know what you're going through; I tried to imagine it, but I just don't know what it's like to lose a parent."

Just her acknowledgment that she realized she didn't know what loss was like, as she'd never experienced it, meant a lot.

Pretending you know what it's like when you don't kinda adds to the hurt, if you follow.

Keep in touch. Ask if she wants to get together; accept her response, whichever way it goes.

Don't press her to talk, but allow her to when she needs to.

All you can do is be there.

This situation is one of the things true friends are for.

Answer 2

Well, regardless of whether you knew the family member your friend lost or not, there is only so much you can do. Your friend is going to grieve, and there is nothing you can do to prevent or stop that. But, being a good friend to her would mean sticking by her...listening to her...being there for her, even if she doesn't want you to be. You don't have to be in her face all the time to be there for her. A friend of mine lost her mother last year, and it was hard for her. She had to grieve. But, by being there as much as I could to give her a hug, or a listening ear, or some space, and making sure that she didn't fall down any destructive paths, I proved my worth as a friend. You can too. Be there to help...even if it means supporting from the sidelines. =)

Answer 3

The best thing you can do is be there if she needs to talk.Take her for a walk or something to get her mind off of the pain.Let her know that you are their for her if she needs you.Pray for her and her family they will kneed the support.