I'm married to a pakistani and I've noticed pakistani people dislike girls. I have three girls and they really look down on me for not having a boy. when you give birth to a girl no one even congratulates you, infact they commisserate you. I'm pregnant again and the pressure is on for me to give birth to a boy, if I have another girl they are going to hate me even more. Even my husband wants a boy this time and he said if we have a girl again he doesn't know what he'll do. I dont know what I'm having as I'm only 5 weeks pregnant but I feel so stressed out and I keep dreaming that I'm having a girl and I wake up feeling so anxious. I love girls and to me all that matters is that you have a healthy baby but I feel so stressed out and worried, I just want a boy so that they get off my case!
2007-06-25 03:23:27 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Look girl, i don't know whether you are muslim or not, it seems your husband is a pakistani muslim. I am a muslim, and let me tell you this, to have girls it is paradise under your feet, when our prophet Muhammed (pbuh) was around, they used to kill baby girls, and our prophet Muhammed (pbuh) said no, and told them the virtues of having a girl, you will go to paradise, it is luck to have girls in the family, he can't be a very good practising muslim, for him to put you through this. He only wants an hier, it is wrong the way they think, i really feel sorry for you, i can imagine the stress you are going through. Just pray that whatever god gives you is healthy and strong. In this world girls will look after their parents, boys they won't care for us as much as girls. I wish i could say something to you to take the problem away but i can't. Just be strong, and inshallah your prayers will be answered. It is in gods hands. Good luck
2007-06-25 03:39:28 · answer #1 · answered by Ruksana P 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If that be the case, then maybe they are still stuck in the age where a very long time ago when Arabs so disgusted by having girls that they would kill them, sometimes even burying them alive in the desert sand. You see the thing is that they consider boy as stronger and thus what's best to carry on the family name,etc. What they didn't seem to realize that without female there would be no reproduction. This being said to show that sometimes they can be pretty damn stupid. Just pay them no mind. stay focused on you and your baby health and take care of your other girls and husband as best as you could, at the end of the day they're all that matters. Just tell your in-laws that you're having a baby and you and your husband are very happy about it. You don't know if it's a boy or girl but that's something you nor him has no control over and as such would appreciate it if they would refrain from making heinous comments and try to be happy for you guys, and if they can't do that then kiss you're ***.(and I'm serious about that).
2007-06-25 03:50:16 · answer #2 · answered by Aliyah 84 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I couldn't imagine. Bless your heart. It's not good for you to be so anxious. You need to step back and just take in the moment. You are bringing another wonderful child into this world. You are doing your part by being a great mother. Let them get mad all they want. And tell your husband to have the dreams for you, he's the one determining the sex. It doesn't really matter though. I'm quite sure the family will blame you way before their son. Just be happy for you and your healthy, beautiful children.
Maybe, if at all possible, is there a sister-in-law you can confide in a little??? She would be more familiar with the culture and it would probably help if she has a daughter so you and her can relate a little more. Good luck.
2007-06-25 03:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by SusieQ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well..first of all..keep your finger to yourself. don't generalize based on your situation. I'm pakistani and married to a pakistani guy and there is no such thing in his family. So i would say it's a family thing..not even cultural. My mom went through what you are going through because her MIL was a total beeaatch. Your husband of all people should be understanding and he should be on your side. This is absolutely ridiculous. Do you live in the U.S? If so, there are a lot of safety measures you can take for yourself and the kids if you think your lives may be in danger. But above all, you need to step up!!! STEP UP now before it's too late. Don't be a coward woman. Having a girl is a blessing. I have one and i'm pregnant again and it doesn't matter to my husband what it is this time. But i think inlaws are all the same no matter what but you have to take a stand for your daughters if your husband is still in his mother's @ss.
2007-06-25 06:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by Luv Peace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husbands sperm is what dictates which sex you will have.
If God willing, you will have a boy.
If not, like you said, just be thankful that you have a "healthy" baby.
Just remember what you do now will affect your baby, so just worry about taking care of your unborn baby, and quit worrying about pleasing your husband or in-laws.
They are who they are and you can't change that but you "can" change they way they make you feel.
Just remember having a baby is a blessing.
So feel blessed about having 3 little girls.
There are people that can't have any children and they would love to be in your shoes and would not care if it were a boy or girl.
I wish the best for "you and your baby".
Feel blessed because you are!!!
2007-06-25 03:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They probably want him to be able to carry on the family name... I dont understand why people are so shallow... there are many people in the world that dont have the ability to have children and they would give anything for that chance... Then there are people that have children with abnormalities... As long as the baby is healthy then who cares if it is a boy or a girl... i dont know your situation is hard.. but for your husband to say if we have another girl i dont know what i will do is wrong.... and you should relax alot of stress is not good for the baby
2007-06-25 03:33:16 · answer #6 · answered by Sal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A healthy baby is a blessing, any baby is a blessing. It is unfortunate that you've married into a culture that sees woman as nothing more than property...woman are 2nd class citizen in many middle-eastern cultures. As far as this pregnancy, for the health of your unborn child you've got to try to relax and not allow other peoples expectations to command so much power over you! Your husband's swimmers are actually what determines the sex of your child so someone should remind him and his family of the fact that it is him and not you that is producing these beautiful baby girls and they can either be happy for you or leave you the BLEEP alone.
2007-06-25 03:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by juda75 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its because they are sexist. If I were you I woudnt even stay with him.If its a girl....its not fair to bring her into this world where everyone is going to hate her.
My father also wished I had been a boy and I grew up hating my gender and unable to relate to myself. He made it clear he didnt regard me as "worthy" of attention, and that he thought I was incompetant, emotional, irrational and would have been more desireable as a boy. I starved myself to stop myself from growing breasts because I hated my woman hood and didnt want to grow up. I felt ashamed every time I acted in a way that was "feminine" and I still feel ashamed and inadequate today and find it hard to like myself in any way for who I am. Sometimes I really hate myself and I feel trapped my body and by society.
I would think about the long term consquences, why are you still with someone who treats you like this?
Its not your fault, none of it is. Its HIS sperm that decide the sex of ur baby so why is he blaming you? I know you must love him but please think about the long term. At they very least you owe it to your unborn child to tell ur husband that he "decided" the gender, not you, and she dosent deserve to be punished for it, and then make sure she dosent suffer for being a girl.
2007-06-25 03:55:20 · answer #8 · answered by Zinc 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a culture thing i'm afraid. although they seem to forget that its your husband that determines the sex of the child. girls are seen as inferior to boys and whilst your just grateful for a healthy baby some ppl are so wrapped up in culture and trying to please others that they lose sight of that. personally i hope you have another girl. if you have a boy then that child will be treated much more favourably than your daughters and they will notice this and it will be horrible for you. my mother in law is the same with my first born. he gets everything whilst my other children are tolerated and it shows. the children know and its horrible as a mother to see the hurt in their eyes. sod what they think. your not married to them. and your husband should stand by you whatever sex your baby turns out to be. good luck and stay strong.
2007-06-25 03:29:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is your husbands doing. The sperm is what determines the sex of the baby. The only way you might be able to have a boy is to go to the clinic and be fertilized with his male sperm. I really dont know, I'm under the same impression as you, as long as the baby is healthy, i dont care if it is male or female.
2007-06-25 03:53:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋