Can a man truly love his wife and still cheat on her?

Question

So can a person cheat on their spouse even though they love them. Or do you think they have to stop loving them to do it...My husband cheated on me while he was stationed in germany (we were seperated for a long time before i could get here) He says he loves me and always did, that he was just lonely and she was always there when he got drunk and she reminded him of me (bs if you ask me) I just don't get how you can love someone and still do it...I mean i was lonely but i only wanted him, not any guy with his build/coloring would have worked for me...He was suppose to want me and only me, i shouldn't have been replacable! So what do you think, did he/could he have still loved me while doing this?

Answer 1

This is a tough question. Generally I would say that most affairs are a completely selfish act, without any thought for the person who is being hurt. However, I'm curious how long you were separated. Are we talking days, weeks, or months?

Did he confess - on his own, or did you find out and confront him? There is a difference.

If he confessed, without being accused, he's probably being honest. But if you found out, and confronted him first - well, she may not be the only one...

Best of luck to you

Answer 2

Marriage isn't always so simple. Love is an action verb. Most likely both spouses want to have a loving marriage, but for whatever reasons they gave up on actually loving each other. After a while it makes you restless and it's not uncommon to find both spouses are straying. If that's not the case, then the next most likely scenario is he does love his wife but she does not or can not love him back. The girlfriend is now life-support for a dying marriage. If he didn't have a girlfriend, he would end the marriage. She is keeping him distracted from how shitty his real life and marriage are. We are human and will only put someone else's 'needs' above our own for so long without reciprocation. No man in a happy marriage has the time and energy left over to cheat. She must be ignoring him in more ways than one.

Answer 3

You are 100% right. You should not have been that replaceable. That is just a lame excuse to get you to forget what he did. You would not have done that to him. If a person loves you - they are considerate of your feelings. He was not considerate. He did something that he knew would hurt you and yet the fact is - he did it. He says he was lonely and she was always there when he got drunk - he doesn't even accept reponsibility for what he did. How would he feel if you did this to him? A man can stand up and say no. Cheaters never stop. I was married to one. He always had a ton of excuses. I wish I could make it seem better for you but I can't. Even when you try to forgive them, you never forget and the relationship deteriorates. Looking back, I would never have wasted all that time. You deserve someone who treats you better. Good luck.

Answer 4

What he did was not right but as many have stated men see sex as just that sex no love is needed to have sex. For those of you who have never served abroad in the military it might come as a shock but the number of men that have sex with women, who are not there wife, while deployed is just unreal. I remember when on active duty being deployed (was single at the time) would say that 90% of the married men had sex at least once while deployed. Also ladies are not all innocent either use to hit the clubs right after a unit left on deployment and would see all of these married women at the club. Oh and they were not just out drinking majority of them were picking up guys to take them home for sex. This does not change what he did or answer your question but more of a observance of what I experience over a 7 year period on active duty. Do say I was glad that the last couple years in that did not get deployed. So did not have to worry about wife cheating and I do not believe I would have cheated either while deployed but glad did not have to put it to the test.

Answer 5

I don't think that you can love someone and cheat. If he's sleeping around while drinking, I'd say he's got a problem. In a relationship, when you love each other but can't be together, there's always your own hands to do the job when lonelyness sets in. Sorry that he did this to you. It will ultimately be up to you to decide where you go from here. He may very well love you, but I think that you if you are willing to hold on, then you guys sound like you need to add something to the fire. Give him reasons to show him why he would miss you. Good luck hon.

Answer 6

No. Someone who truly loves you, will never do anything to hurt you, including cheat on you! I am sorry for you, and wish you the best of luck. I know military life is hard, but there is absolutely no excuse for cheating. Men are "wired" different then women. To them sex can be just that, sex and nothing more, no emotional attachment. Women are different than that though, we never see sex, as just sex. No matter what we may tell ourselves. Your husband most likely still loved you at the time, and still does. He just has the ability to pass it off as "no big deal". Until he can realize what he did to you was a major mistake and take into consideration how you are feeling about things, your marriage can not evolve. Professional help may be needed here. Best of Luck.

Answer 7

Sure, a man can love a woman and cheat on her. But, that doesn't make him any less of an a**hole. It's sort of like how a man can love a woman and still beat her. He might really love her, but can't seem to keep from hurting her.

There are different kinds of love. The kind you want and need from a spouse is the kind where they feel it for you and show it to you all the time. Your husband's problem (and yours now) is that he felt love for you, but decided not to show you love by choosing to do something he knew would hurt you. His own needs were more important to him than the hurt that he would cause you. So, is the fact that he loves you still supposed to make it okay?

Answer 8

I really like what "georgiabirdgir" said. Also it's a matter of conscience & morals. Some take their marriage vows or other personal commitments much more seriously than others. Those that cheat may still proclaim their love of their spouse. Only they know for sure. Personally, I think they love themselves more than their spouse, otherwise they wouldn't be seeking relationships with others. After all, the outside relationship is for themselves, not their spouse. I'll put it like this, men's affairs are usually of the "chew-em-up & spit-them-out variety". Women's are usually of the "test driving new car thinking about trading old one in".

People love their cars, but they don't love gum.

Answer 9

I don't believe that anyone who cheats really loves their spouse. Marriage is about being with that one person, and that person only!

My ex did that to me. He did tell me that he didn't love me anymore, but I didn't know there was someone else for a while. I tried to make it work. I offered to go to counseling with him, but he wouldn't go. My parents said that I need to get away from him, but he was my husband. I married him for life....at least that's how I felt then. Honestly, divorcing him was the best thing that I ever did. Seven years later, I have a wonderful husband that loves me unconditionally and a beautiful daughter.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. My husband knows that if he ever cheats on me, he's out the door for good! If I were you, I'd do the same.

Answer 10

Love encompasses everything, and it lasts if it is true. It remains faithful. A person truly in love remains loyal. I don't think a person that much in love would do anything to cheat on the person he/she refers to as a "loved one". He won't take that into consideration, or even have the thought of it if he really doesn't want to hurt you. Yes, physical contact is missing, but that does not mean that it is okay for him to just pick a girl just because she reminds him of you or whatever. In the first place, he is conscious and coherent while entering that situation, which gives him the hand in control of it, and the one to decide on whether to do it or not, to resist or not. It's his sole choice, despite the circumstances. Love does not require much, but it always remains loyal. And trust is a very essential element in a relationship with a partner. And for a fact, love does not make a person do anything to break that trust or even make a slight dent in it.