My fiancee of 18 months had a 9 year affair during his 16 year marriage. The 16 year marriage ended 13 years ago, so alot of time has gone by.. We met 3 1/2 years ago and have been engaged for 18 months. I moved in last month for our wedding scheduled in 4 weeks. I found out that he has the name/number of the ex-mistress in his cell phone (speed dial list). Upon confronting, he provided 1 year of cell phone records that didn't show any contact from him or from her. He says that he hasn't cheated or seen her and that he's committed to me and that he just never deleted the number. With no contact, by such a toxic relationship with her in the past, could anyone out there give him a true benefit of doubt that this is a future problem I'll have to encounter in a few years?
2007-06-25 00:02:20 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How many people are in his speed dial? Over 30 or so...I dunno...maybe he is just not on top of organization? Sometimes guys like the feather in their caps of other women in the list...ugggg
When did the relationship with the mistress end? You didn't mention this...how long before you met? Why did it end and such..
I am kinda concerned that this man has an affair on his wife. This is the ALARM...it is his character type. He cheated on his wife. No matter what she was like or did, HE cheated on her. Maybe he will do the same to you? My ex bf cheated on me and when I broke up with him he cheated on his wife too with others....he never changed and it wasn't just with me. Some people can live with a cheater though (my ex's wife can since she thinks he is overall ok:)) and that is common in Europe too. It would be hard for me to but I don't judge...I also keep in touch with my ex bf after we broke up 8 years ago...we don't care about each other like that anymore but he was a big part of my past. We talk about once ayear and maybe less than that. Email is how we stay in contact and he is always telling me how he will always be married-so he is loyal in one sense!! LOL
Be careful if this man lies alot or is gone for hours and can't be accounted for or if things just don't feel right. It's never too late to walk away.
2007-06-25 00:16:13 · answer #1 · answered by GivingitMyBest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has proven there has been no contact then i would give him the benefit of the doubt. If he is truly the 1 your meant to be with then it will work out and everything will be okay. If you don't believe he is the 1 and you doubt him to much then i wouldn't marry him. Remember you need to trust that he is doing the right thing. good luck
2007-06-25 07:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is one big problem--your jealousy. If you feel that you can not trust your fiance, then you are not ready to get married. One of the main ingredients in love is trust. Without trust, there is no love.
My problem with him would be the fact that he has cheated before. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That is why he defended himself so vigorously. He is used to having to defend himself.
2007-06-25 07:12:24 · answer #3 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he plans no contact, he should have no problem deleting the number if it makes you feel better.
2007-06-25 07:09:37 · answer #4 · answered by LadyG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch him and talk with him, this sounds potentially horrific.
2007-06-25 12:09:23 · answer #5 · answered by smt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, i would not, why would he not delete the number if he truly has moved on
2007-06-25 07:59:27 · answer #6 · answered by tannerlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋