We just bought a new house three months ago. Tonight my husband threated to move out. What would you do?

Question

We will be married for three years on July 2nd, but we have a bad relationship. He has cheated on me and has a history of lying. He said I should have never taken him back if I wasn't going to get over it. He says I constantly bring it up, and also he feels that I nag him too much and try to manipulate him into doing what I want him to do. I have stayed with him through thick and thin and I am committed, but he says he can't do this much longer. Tonight we were both yelling and he got in my face. Then he said he was leaving and I could do whatever and have whoever I want at the house. He said he is tired of my s***. He got up and started gathering up stuff. He said he doesn't want anything but the clothes he came with. I asked him how I was going to pay all of these bills and mortgage by myself. He told me to sell the house. That’s when he said I know he’s not going anywhere. I sat around and cried. I was almost about to pass out because ...

I didn’t want him to leave and I had no clued how I was going to pay everything. He had told me that the courts will rule and will make him responsible for his portion of everything. I kept asking him over and over, you are going to leave me in this house will all these bills? He just kept saying he was done with this and that he doesn’t want the TV or anything in here. He said he was leaving. So I calmly sat on the couch and waited for him to leave. Our cell phones are in his name so I gave him that and the credit card he gave me (it's in his name but he ordered an additional card for me). After I did that he said, you know I ain’t going no where. But the way he was parading around it sure looked like it. Now I am scared because what if he is at wits end and wants to leave. I cannot afford to pay my car, mortgage, bills, etc. by myself.

I make a decent salary but I don’t make enough to do everything on my own. I have always been independent and it hurts because it’s like I have to count on his income to make sure everything stays in tact. What would you do? After he told me that I asked him to give me a few months if he was leaving, so I can get on my feet. Now I feel like I really can’t trust him. He has basically turned everything around on me and says I am the cause of his emotional stress. Hello? I have been faithful and been there for you. True, I do nag him but it’s all behind things he’s done.

Answer 1

I think that this is a huge mess!! (no offense), but pretty much you have realized (the hard way) that you are not the kind of person who forgives and forgets (when it comes to cheating), and I am quite sure that you are not alone with that! I think that what you have to do now is start thinking about starting over, go see a counselor for the breakup stuff (if it is truly over, which it sounds like it might be) and then start really thinking about selling that house like he said and buying a place that you can afford on your own. This might not be what you want to do, but I think for your own peace of mind and the chance to start a better life for yourself, it might be what you will HAVE to do. I am so sorry that this happened to you and I hope that you can pick yourself up and be that independant person that you were before you had to rely on someone who would do that to you.

Answer 2

Look, honestly he is right if you are not going to ease up on what happen in the pass how are you all going to move forward. Did he give you enough time to get over this? Did he ask and plead for forgiveness if so he did his part. It gets really tiring when people nag about the same things and you have no answers. He must have been really frustrated to explode like that. He will get tired of the nagging. I did and may end up losing his feeling for you. So if you can't live with what he did to you move out and move on with your life. It takes a strong person to walk away but an even stronger person to stay. He is not going anywhere right now as you noticed because you two just bought that house. He will not walk away that easy if he just invested so much in this house to have a life with you. It seems to that you two need to communicate and resolve some issues. How about taking a vacation, talk and fall in love again. Do nice things for each other, buy him a nice present, surprise him. Build your relationship back up, the trust was jepordize and you need this, make this suggestion to him.

Answer 3

First im sorry to hear this. But by the same token sounds like a wake up call. I think he was sincere and at the end he backed out once he realized what he was saying but the true intent was there and most IMPORTANT he had told you how he is feeling in the marriage trapped, nagged and everything else he has mentioned.

What worries me in reading all this you seem to point out this above all else..Now I am scared because what if he is at wits end and wants to leave. I cannot afford to pay my car, mortgage, bills, etc. by myself.

That should be the least of your worries things can be sold you can start over someplace fresh. What you need to take out of all of this is his feelings and what he is telling you. Don't care so much about the money and how will you deal with it all. Makes you sound like your more interested in his pay check than him. Your first priority is HIM and you as a unit not this money stuff if he leaves you.

So food for thought just reading your notes.. Take more care in your relationship listen to what he said in the heat of the moment cause thats more true to how he is feeling.

Good luck, and really try to work this out and listen to some of his ideas that bother him. and of course its a two way street he will do the same for you .

good luck

Answer 4

Girl... I truly feel for you. You say you are committed, but you have to decide if what you are going through is worth your loyalty. If your employer threatened to not pay you - would you stay around long? If you and a friend went into business together and they threatened to walk away from it and leave you holding the bag, would you keep that friend? Nuff said on that topic.

Personally, I would get out of that marriage quick fast and in a hurry. But whatever you decide, you should take a good look at your financials and decide where you can cutback. (Might even be worth it to talk to a financial advisor) Eating out, memberships, cable, anywhere that you can save money is fair game right now. You need to be in a position where you can take care of your needs on your own. If you wait for court ordered support you could be in danger of foreclosure, repossessions and ruining your credit - and NO man is worth that!

Talk to a real estate agent about selling the house - no commitment, just what the market is like. Are homes moving? How much does he think you can reasonable expect to get. It actually will be easier to sell it now than after divorce papers are filed. Hopefully it won't come to that - but just in case....

Unfortunately, sometimes starting over is the only way to move forward - toward happiness.

Answer 5

Wow, big problems. First he did cheat on you, shame on him. You were very strong to take him back. BUT.. since you did take him back that means forgiving him unconditionally. Meaning you need to let it go and never bring it up again. Forgive and forget. Although you won't forget, just don't rub his mistakes in his face, men hate that. Men hate nagging to, I learned that myself, we women know it's hard to get our men to do things, but we have to learn what works for them as an individual. Nagging never works it only pushes them further and makes them feel less of a man. I can tell you really love him and you want this to work. Just remember it takes two. I think he's just threading you so you'll ease up on him. Try that and if it doesn't work, you know you tried. I admire you for persistence, marriage is not easy. If he does leave you can sell the house and it's true the courts will make him own up to his half of everything. Just keep on being strong.

Answer 6

You say you have stuck by him but it seems like you took him back just to get your revenge for his cheating. You have got to learn that taking him back means forgiving and never nagging him or bugging him about it.... EVER. No sane person would sit around and let someone torture and nag them.

You took him back, if you want to make it work you have got to let the past be the past and focus on making a better future for the both of you. If you can't do that then start looking for a new home. If you can't let yourself trust him and be his wife, then move on.

Don't keep him around just to nag him and remind him of his mistakes... do that enoug and he will be out cheating agian.

Answer 7

If you don't stop nagging him now, I would say its all over. Nagging never motivates a man to do anything good. In fact, if anything, it will drive him away. Try giving him room to breath, and be nice and loving to him even if you don't think he deserves it, that will motivate him if you are consistant. If you are only hanging on because of money and not because you care about him, that is a mistake.

Answer 8

You know I understand...I would be that way too if my husband cheated on me and lied all the time...how do you get over it?? if I was you I would ask him being that he wouldnt know because you havent cheated on him..about the finances...your scared...and you can tell that your credit will be hurt because you wont be able to make the bills...all you need to do is maybe get a second job or sell the house and buy a smaller one.

Answer 9

If you accepted taking him back, & then you throw the affair in his face when you get mad - he has every right to be feeling the way he feels right now. Accepting him back meant forgiveness, and moving forward - you can't expect your relationship to be happy if you keep yourself in the past.

The two of you need to get into marriage counseling IMMEDIATELY. If he isn't ready to go yet, then you need to go by yourself for a while..this as just as much your fault right now as it is his...

you say you can't trust him...but how is he supposed to trust you when you say you have forgiven him, bot won't let it be history that doesn't get repeated?

Find it in your budget to get counseling -

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you are more concerned with being stuck with the bills than with him leaving. If you really want the relationship to work get marriage counseling. Constantly throwing up his infidelity in his face shows you have not forgiven him. Counseling works wonders.