How to overcome breakups??

Question

I dated this guy for 8years, we recently broke up ( I ended the relationship, because I couldnt trust him) But i dont know how to overcome being sad, and having the fear that I made the wrong decision, Im having trouble forgetting him....its so hard, any advice

Answer 1

Start a new relation with yourself and then you'll be prepare to find the real love.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Stop thinking about him and what he did. Unless you enjoy suffering!

It is likely that you did make a bad mistake. However, at the time, you likely made the choice with information that was available at the time. If you knew of him and his actions beforehand, I suspect that you would have never spent the 8 years with him.

Be grateful. You are now free to find someone who is honest and trustworthy. I would stop punishing myself.

It is 8 years that you won't get back, now matter what. Move on.

With 3 billion men on this planet, he is just a blip on the screen of all the possible companions you could have.

Of course, if you didn't mind being alone, this would be easier to handle.

Jerks don't wear big "J's" on their clothing as a warning to the trusting. Don't let him turn you into someone who is suspicious and untrusting. Just choose who you will trust with a bit more care now that you know what some people are capable of.

Answer 4

Go out and look for someone else and think about all the reasons you cant be with him anymore, if you come up with a lot than you wont regret it as much however if you cant think of any you actually may have made a mistake, friends also help a great deal in these situations. : p hope this helped, Also watch the movie Under The Tuscan Sun, it always makes me feel better, its a "feel good movie"

Answer 5

What you're feeling is a form of separation anxiety. You got used to having him in your life, to the point that you depended on his presence (or the knowledge of his presence) for a level of emotional support. Now you have come to the realization that you don't have that presence in your life that "lifted you up".

Getting over this anxiety, which is the basis of your sadness, takes time. It also depends on your emotional makeup. First thing is to accept that you do not need a person in your life whom you can't trust, therefore, it's not your fault that you had to break up with him. Once you are at peace with that knowledge, half your battle is over. This will bring that emotional dependence to an end.

The other thing you need to do is to replace the emotional support you got from him with emotional support from other sources. The three best sources are the three F's: Friends, Family or Faith. Avoid lenghty periods of solitude. Talk to a friends and tell him/her how you feel. Talk to your mother or father if a friend is not available. If you have a strong faith, talk to a female friend that shares your religious beliefs. It's ok to sulk, but it also magnifies your pain, so don't spend lenghty periods of time by yourself.

Eight years is a big chunk of anyone's lifetime. So don't expect to rid yourself of the sadness in a few days or weeks. Some people spend all their lifetime trying to get over a relationship and are never able to. Most people take a few months (three on average). So don't expect a magical 12 step solution.

Answer 6

There are alot of really good books out there. Not just self help ones but storys that get your mind off it. I found after my break up I was dwelling on it all the time and I just had to get my mind somewhere else. A good book will take up maybe 20 hours of that time.

Answer 7

Habits are hard to break and being strong is harder than one ever imagines. This is the reason why many people stick with bad relationships. They have no spine nor the strength.

Drag yourself around and allow yourself to grieve. Grieving can take time. After grieving, allow yourself to heal.

Answer 8

There is a wonderful book called "It's a Break up not a Break Down" by Lisa Steadman. It just came out and has some very useful tips.
Dr. V

Answer 9

Wow, 8 years that's a little long to break up with someone because you "think" you couldn't trust them. But, just think about it, there are many other fish in the sea. Many.

Answer 10

Breaking up is always hard. Try to do more and distract yourself. Maybe try volunteering in your community or something. Dating other guys though will definitely only make things worse for you.