Is there a time for us to hang on? Is there a time for us to let go?

Question

How do we ever know which one to do? *sigh*

Answer 1

The answer to both questions is "yes..." but I can sense that the real question is the "How do we ever know which one to do?" part.

Not knowing the details (and we all know that old saying, "The devil is in the details") I can only offer this:

Time to let go.
1) When signs of respect are slipping or gone. Respect's foundational, and without a foundation, you've got no house.
2) Companionship is replaced with combat. Whether it's verbal or physical, it's still abuse. Either is linked to point number one.
3) Love has turned into toleration. A little thought on that one, if you're at this stage, will tell you what I'm talking about.
4) You start paying attention to others in an attempt to find happiness. This isn't a reason to let go in and of itself, but it is a symptom.
5) They've cheated. See point number one.

Time to hang on.
1) Yes, you're arguing... but there's something else going on, and you know it. Perhaps there's an outside stress; bills, health problems, ect. This is a call to arms. It challenges you to find a way of partnering with the other person and overcoming this obstacle. Ask them for help with your side of the problem--don't offer help for theirs. (By suggesting that they have problems you'd like to help them with, you're suggesting that they can't handle it on their own. Bad move.) ALL. Okay, I'll say it again. ALL couples go through this one.

That's assuming that it's a couples-type thing you're asking about. If so, I hope this helps.

Answer 2

Instinct. And sensitivity to the will of others. If you love someone, you don't try to hold them against their will. All that does is build resentments that can sour the love.

I think the same is true of physical objects. I hung onto just about everything when I was living in California, became quite the pack rat. But the necessity to make a move forced me to sort through and keep only that which was really important to me, and sell or give away the rest. It turned out to be a worthwhile exercise for me, as I mostly hung onto what was important. A few important things managed to slip through my fingers due to my carelessness, but most of those went to others who could make good use of them, and at least a few were sold by accident. I'd like the books back (it was mostly books I sold by accident), but someone else will get the opportunity to read them, so I've made my contribution to the reading public.

If I had carried them with me, I might have had a harder time making the move, and it has been good for me on the whole.

But if anyone finds a copy of "Kabalistic Tarot" by Robert Wang, I'm in the market.

Answer 3

It depends upon the situation. Personally, I tend to choose the "Hang On" option when the rope is more than 10 feet from the ground. If it's closer than 10 feet, feel free to let go.

It's usually best to let go of the couch when the judge bangs the gavel -- that one, I've learned.

Other than that, I think it's really more a matter of personal choice than anything (unless of course, there are restraining orders in place).

Answer 4

It's hard to know and I honestly don't think we ever really do. Sometimes it seems like you're hanging onto something that is so frayed that, if you keep hanging, it will eventually break...hurting you AND the thing you're holding onto. Other times, holding on is ESSENTIAL. You may feel like things are hopeless, but holding on is the only choice. For example, (not to be dark or anything) a friend of mine is considering suicide. Obviously, it would be best to hold on. I think our minds can fool us into thinking we need to give up.

So, I'm sorry if this answer isn't helping, but I don't think there is just ONE answer. It would be nice if it were that simple. I think we have to sit down and consider what kind of decision we're making and effects our "holding on" or "letting go" may have. I had a friend who I was very close to for 12 years that I had to let go of about 6 months ago. She couldn't forgive me for things I'd done 12 years ago and she kept holding it over my head. The friendship, I believe, was frayed because we needed to forgive and forget to move on...but she couldn't do it. So, it was actually hurting both of us to keep staying close friends, because she was so suspicious of every little thing I did (even without any evidence of my acting that way for 12 years) and every time I tried to be there for her...it was one accusation after another. So, I let go and I think it did both of us good. She actually called me about 2 months ago on my birthday and I think I can live with the distant friendship.....I suppose friends will come and go. Man...I'm rambling..err..umm...I think sometimes, you just have to do what you think is best for everybody. I hope that helps some!

Answer 5

I have been in this position and after being together 12 years and still thinking this is the love of my life, I broke it off with him. I just didn't pick up his calls a few times and he stopped calling. I listened to my gut and my heart and I just knew it was time to let go and I was right.

Answer 6

We often don't know which to do; our lives are peppered with these situations.

I hung on to my previous relationship far too long, and paid a price for that.

I broke up with my now husband, at least six times. Pure fear.

I was wrong in both situations. I wised up, with the second.

Answer 7

Yes to both. If you hang on too long your arms will get tired and sore. If you hang on too long and get lifted too high, when you are finally forced to let go you will fall a long ways and hit pretty hard.

Answer 8

There's certainly both. It's a matter of weighing potential cost against potential benefit - emotionally and every other way. We can be the victims of what we fear to lose. But curiously I think what most people fear most is the responsibility of freedom. Life's too short to allow it to be diminished by fear of anything. Including the fear of letting go.

Answer 9

Failing to choose is a choice. I believe we know the answer deep within ourselves but often times prefer the lie to the truth - it's easier or more convenient. The right choice is rarely the easy choice - in fact it is usually the hardest one.

Answer 10

Hang on till that moment when the rope seems to kinda stop, then just let go....the water feels soooo good girl...*splash*