With regard to child rearing> do you support androgyny or gender roles?

Question

I posted the last question and a lot of the answers talked about choice, and i wondered, what about when "choices" are limited, like in say, child rearing.

Whether you are a parent, not yet a parent, or never wish to be a parent, do you think children should be raised to understand their gender differences? Or should children be raised androgynously?

Answer 1

I think they should be raised to get excited about what the future holds. I would be just as encouraging if my child wanted to be a doctor, artist, full-time parent, teacher, or whatever.

I do notice that both boys and girls are being pushed into the "status" jobs lately. They are praised if they say they want to be doctors or lawyers, but not if they want to teach horseback riding lessons or be parents. Boys also seem to be pushed into sports, even if they have no interest. This bothers me a lot - I want my kids to discover who they are, with or without gender roles.

One problem I see is that little girls are now shamed if they want to grow up and be mothers. They are encouraged to "reach higher". How much higher can you reach than wanting to shape a future generation? Kids growing up now will likely have several careers in their lifetimes, and for some kids, being a full-time mom or dad will be one of them. No matter how gender-free you raise children, some little girls will always want to be moms - and this isn't something we should try to brainwash them out of.

All of my kids are going to learn to cook, clean, etc. They have a good role model for that with my husband and I - we both do housework and take care of babies, with no thought to gender. I think that's going to be a major change in upcoming generations. My mother and her friends are often amazed to see Gen X guys like my hubby pitching in with that stuff, but it seems to be pretty common now.

Answer 2

To raise a child androgynously, it means you never acknowledge what their sex is. I just don't think that would work in the long run. Dressing them in "gender neutral colors" is not raising them androgynously, in my opinion, merely trying not to enforce societal gender rules.

Androgyny based child rearing would mean a gender neutral name, never calling the child "he or she" and dressing them in a very gender neutral way. I do believe there are people that truly feel they are androgynous, but I don't think it is something that is instilled in them from the start.

There was a study where parental interaction with toddlers was monitored and found that even then, they are being rewarded for "gender" behavior. Girls were coddled and rewarded for sticking close and being needier while the boys were praised for being go getters. The mothers never even saw the subtle ways they were encouraging such behavior in their kids.

Answer 3

I do not like gender roles because they can be harmful. If you tell your sons growing up not to cry, and your daughters to be really sensitive, you really are not creating a healthy environment for your children. Men who have heart attacks in their mid-life, or even teens, are usually men who do not know how to cry, or open up and talk. Gender roles do hurt both sexes. The father who wants to stay home with his children while his wife wants to go back to work, is looked down upon as a bad provider. How is that healthy? Or how is that a healthy message to send our children about marriage and family? We raise our children to tell them they can be anything, then limit their choices? Talk about your mixed roles there ya know? I do not have a problem with androgyny, but if your son likes sports, and your daughter dance..or vice versa...it should not matter the gender. It should be about creating healthy and happy homes that you cannot do sometimes based on what our culture has defined as gender roles.

Answer 4

Children understand gender differences by the time they are three...on average. Now I believe that if a little girl wants to play with trucks and role in the dirt that is fine and if a little boy wants to play dress up and play house that is fine as well. I believe every child should be able to make their own choices and given many options to find their own identity. However I also believe that in general women excel and specific activities and men excel at certain activities ad these should be celebrated, not forced against. So both.

Answer 5

i think that in order for a child to be accepted in society, even as early as her/his school years, one must behave as socially acceptable. i hate to say that, but it would be horrifying to know that i raised a child as a total outcast. this is the parent's responsibility.

However, some gender roles are also becoming more androgynous today... such as house chores, certain jobs, etc and i think that these types of things should be taught androgynously.

Answer 6

By the term "androgynous" I feel you are hinting at a parenting style that utilizes no gender socializing, right? That seems like the most effective way of raising children.

Rewarding both sons and daughters for being caring, sympathetic, and well-behaved (feminine aspects) and also for being courageous, independent, and skillful (masculine aspects) would be ideal.

My parents raised both me and my two older sisters the same way. And all three of us are very successful people both economically and socially.

Answer 7

Children should be raised to realize their SEX differences. My sociology professor taught the BIG difference between sex and gender. It has always, is, and always will be a primary responsibly of parents to teach their children about their sexuality and the biological implications of it.

HOWEVER, a big change is needed in looking at gender. Who are we to say that cooking/cleaning is masculine or feminine? Who are we to say that building a house or going out into the world for trade is masculine of feminine? It is the parents responsibility to teach their children well, and nobody else's business to tell parents how to teach their children.

Answer 8

What difference? Children will fall out into their sexual distribution. 70% will be within one standard deviation of the mean. I hope you are not promoting some ridiculas social engeneering project. You can not raise children androgenously any more than you could raise them to fly. Are you familiary with the body of evidence here?

PS Furthermore. Do you think children are just clones that you will download into? I suggest you bring your genetics up to date on this issue.

Answer 9

In regards to this question, I feel it is very important to distinguish gender identity from gender roles. During the formative years, children establish who they are, and gender is a part of that. (Correctly) Reinforcing a child’s gender identity brings security. In those unusual cases where a person’s gender does not match his/her physical traits, the reinforcement of gender based on sex organs is very troubling.

Gender roles are unnecessary in the formative years, but mainstream society seems to encourage early introduction of gender roles through pretend play. I am not opposed to this, but I feel it should be balanced with activities that are not gender specific, like art, music and physical games like tag. I do get offended when a child is *prohibited* from playing with a toy because it is not intended for his/her gender [Girls don’t play with trucks. Boys don’t play with dolls.] Prohibiting the use of certain toys sets artificial limits on behavior. On the other hand, permitting or encouraging the use of toys intended for the opposite gender does no harm, and perhaps even encourages exploration and creativity.

I don’t want to raise my kids to be androgynous; sex differentiation is ok, maybe even desirable. I want my kids to feel they can define and choose their roles for themselves, not have them dictated by some external source.

Answer 10

I think children should be raised with the physical difference between of men and women, however, one thing they should not learn is that one sex is superior to the other.