So i confronted my wife about her secret plans...?

Question

about going out on girls night without telling me and she got very defensive and packed her stuff and went to her mothers with the kids(i didnt blow a gasket when i asked) Now i have never been jealous have been very trusting of her and we have been married for 9 years. She seems to have girls night out about 2x a month now, there seems to always be a reason to celebrate with her co-workers. Now i have been trying to do things with her lately and she always has an excuse of why we cant.I just started working afternoon shift till 1 a.m. and she was planning to go out and not tell me and just be back before i got home. i think this is not acceptable, and she has been hiding other things lately and got a payday loan without telling me. she said she needed to pay bills but no money was deposited from it.........opinions please

Answer 1

Your wifey is up to something. You may need to take a day off...without telling her... and follow her on her girl's night out. This is the only way you'll know for sure what she is up to. And, you are either going to find things out that you need to know...OR...you are going to be relieved.

Her behavior sounds a bit fishy to me. So, you may want to take a closer look.

Answer 2

This is no not about girls nights out...
You didn't get upset about it, but asker her about it and she used this as a reason to pack up the kids and leave...

Well seems like she was looking for a reason to leave. I hope there is not another person involved, but prepare yourself, as it sounds like the typical actions surrounding wanting out of a relationship.

I hope the two of you can find the ability to communicate and get it all out on the table. You can't begin to mend a fence, if you dont' first realize that it is broken. She has to be willing to talk to you, you can't do it all on your own. Her behavior is sending signals that maybe you have not been reading or chose to ignore for some time now.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the girls or even the wives getting together once in a while to do their things, guys do it all the time, but this appears to have a lot more to it than just wanting some time out.

Take some time to reflect back and see what else you could be missing, in her behavior and yours.

Best wishes....

Answer 3

Dude, she doesnt deserve you, now you need to pack all her stuff up, throw it on the front lawn, ring and tell her to come get her s*&^ and that you dont want to see or hear from her again, about the kids, hard but must be done. File for divorce and custody, If she uses rubbish excuse like you are always working, tell her its so that the bills can be paid, be better if you had her support as well, all those nights out and money spent on drinks and guys could be spent paying her bills off.
Dont put up with this dude, Cut the strings and let her go, It will all fall on her head and she will miss you, plus the extra bit of the kids missing dad making her move harder to justify. This is wrong, she is wrong, dont let her walk all over you. Be a strong man, tell her whats what, and if she wants to come back, let it be on YOUR terms. Not hers. She sounds like a user!!! and a cheat!

Also, as a married couple going out with the girls always into pubs and night clubs is not appropiate. this is a place for single ppl to meet and married ppl to cheat. If she wanted to talk and gossip and drink with her friends, there is no harm in doing that at one of thier houses....but to always go out is unacceptable she would not tolerate this from you, so why let her do it, then to ask her about it and she runs away. This is why drinks and other guys when married equals stupid woman.!

Answer 4

yep... there are problems here.

First... secrets are no good. have girls night maybe once a month should be enough if you're *happily* married more than that... I don't know.. doesn't feel right.

You two need to find a way to talk and figure out what is going on.
See if you can reign in the bills first. Can you do it without getting angry?

Taking your children and leaving... not acceptable, and who knows what she is telling her mom.
Sounds like she is not happy, but it does take two to tango, so you both have to find a way to site down either on your own with a family counsellor and figure out what to do to get this thing back on track.

Good luck

Answer 5

mate sounds like ur in deep trouble here,out two nites sounds like a third party in there somewhere.Out with the girls once a month yes that would be ok.The fact that you are making a huge effort to do things and her not wanting to do things is is a huge tell tail sign.Check things (without alerting her)like cloths any unusual smells (aftreshave,soaps.etc)Can you get a hold of her cell phone bills?
Sus them out.Any unusual phone calls at home? That is people hanging up when you answered the phone..The payday loan might point to the fact she is about to do a runner...See ig she has opened other bank accounts.
Yep i wouldtake a sick day or come home from work early ..Get your facts and go from there..Good luck,hang in there

Answer 6

When people get very defensive about something they have done or not done, it usually means they are trying to hide something. I know from experience, came home early once to find my children with a babysitter, babysitter told me that she baby sit 2-3 times a week. When wife came home drunk said she had been out with the girls. A few weeks later, I came home early and found her in bed with someone else.
Consider checking your finances, close all joint bank accounts, check the bills and see how far behind they are, close all joint credit card accounts, and etc.
Consider the fact she may not return with the kids, unless she wants the house and then kick you out by having papers served to you at work.
Protect your ***. I did not and ended up with the bills and my clothes.

Answer 7

This is behavior of someone that is having problems. It's flat out an issue that she's breaking out of your marriage because she doesn't like being in it. Some people just can't handle it.

I think this doesn't sound good, because of the way she reacted. It doesn't sound like she wants to work on things. You both need to sit with an impartial observer and speak the truth to each other until you are both satisfied with the results. I don't see any other way.

If a person is more protective of their "time without you" than they are of their "time with you". It's a signal. I'm sorry. I've struggled with this as well and I wish I could have gone to counciling....without out it, we just went 'round and 'round and 'round...til we couldn't do it anymore.

Answer 8

Sounds like she is trying to find something to fill her time. Maybe it is more to it but I am not the one to say. You need to sit down with her and tell her that she needs to tell you about that stuff (payday loans ect.) that effects you as well.

Answer 9

from what you are saying and all the secrets it sounds like there is someone else, if she has children and is married she shouldnt be going out without telling you and keeping it a secret, when i go out i tell my husband where i am going and with who, there is no need to hide anything from your spouse if your not doing anything wrong, i would honestly confront her and if she leaves and gets defensive it proves she is cheating and isnt worth it, apply for a divorce

Answer 10

my guess your way to controlling of her. If you trust her why did she have to tell you first? she need permission? i don't tell my hubby everything i have plans or get cash out my bank. We have 3 kids 11yo 9yo and 6 months. He has times he meets up with friends then tells me later he stopped off somewhere. I'm not his mom his not my dad if he started questioning my actions I'd pack up to I'd be ready to get rid of his drama. I think you made her defensive. I'd never cheat on my hubby I'd never allow him to guard my every move either. Going somewhere without asking is NOT HIDING secrets! i stopped asking to go out when i moved out of mamma's house.