My parents have been married for 15 years, and I've always seen them fight (Verbally, not abusively) and it always seemed like they had a strained marriage. My mom would always yell at my Dad for somthing he did, and I used to think she'd just over react to everything, but as I've gotten older I've found out some pretty sick things. He was married before, he had a drug problem, he looks at porn behind my moms back, etc. And this was shocking because we are like an example of a perfect family. So recently, my mom found porn on our family PC. Now my mom is dicussing divorce. Now theres basically a battle between my moms side of the family and my Dad's side, and of course, now I view my dad as a total creep. I told my mom it would be better for me and my brother (whos 11) if they stayed together till were out of the house. Now I'm starting to doubt that, and I'm uncovering even more lies. Do I tell my mom to leave him? This would be financially horrible to us. What do I do?
2007-06-24 11:56:35 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not just the porn that digusts me, like he lies to my brother and says it's a pop-up, and then talks to (his mother) and says when the relationship gets strained I look at a video. I know men look at porn, I'm 14, but he does it purposely even when it hurts my mom, and he doesn't even try to cover up it, even on my family computer. My Dad's not that great a guy, and It's not like i'm instantly judging him.
2007-06-24 12:10:27 · update #1
Though i don't like my Dad, child support would be really hard for him and I don't want to put him through that. And my mom didn't ask me about the divorce thing, she was talking about it and i said for my and my brother they should stay together.
2007-06-24 12:44:45 · update #2
You are not responsible for what your parents are doing, have done, or will do.
You don't have control over those things either.
Was it really a perfect family?
Either they choose to stay together and you can call them on the creepy stuff or fighting - insist on counseling-
or they can get a divorce. If they get a divorce the court will most likely ask you and your brother who you want to live with.
Courts can enforce child support, so you may actually be better off financially, even if your parents have told you otherwise.
Your dad has a big problem but you will have less of a problem if you can learn to detach and look ahead to your future.
Get a mantra to use when dealing with either one like " I wish you didn't have these problems" or "That must really bother you." If you say it enough, it will help you not get involved with their drama.
Good luck pal. You are not alone.
2007-06-24 12:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by Eve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a very intelligent young person. I really wish the best for you after this whole fiasco is over and done with. But if you want my advice, you should just talk to your mom and let her know how you feel. That's all. Don't tell her what to do and what not to do, just share your feelings about your father and how it affects you and your brother. And if you're worried about finances, don't be. He has to pay child support to your mom for the two of you till you turn 18. So if that's your reason behind keeping them together, than you don't need to worry. Because he has to pay her anyway, since you're both under the age of 18 and he makes more money than your mother. I wish you all the luck during this difficult time, and I know you'll be okay as well as your mom. :)
2007-06-24 12:35:31 · answer #2 · answered by Devika P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom how you feel. Tell her you think your dad's a "creep". And if you think that he should leave because he's not good for her. Well, just tell her whatever your opinion is, but also tell her the reasons you don't want him gone. Finacially, like you said, and other reasons, if you have them.
Just be completely honest with her, and support her in her decision. She's going to need a lot of love through this. I'm sure her children are the most important people in her life, so make sure she knows you love her, no matter what.
You should also be honest with your father about how you feel he's treating your mother, and how you think he's a "creep". Don't talk about the possiblity of divorce though.
Good luck.
2007-06-24 12:09:26 · answer #3 · answered by Fantasy Kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be asking your parents to stay together, or get a divorce. It's not really your place. I know they're your parents, but this has to be their decision.
If they stay together just for you and your brother, they will be more miserable, and will make their kids miserable. Just let your parents know that you will support whatever decision they make.
I don't know what other issues are involved, but porn by itself should not cause a divorce. Don't judge your Dad too harshly, you may not be hearing the whole story. I'm not suggesting he's right, just that he may not be the only one that's wrong.
I wish you luck, and remember that if they get a divorce, it's about them, not you.
2007-06-24 12:03:23 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should not tell her to stay together because of the kids. There is a lot more that you don't know because parents never let their kids know everything that is going on. You should simply tell your mother that you are sorry for what you said and that it is an adult issue between your parents. Tell her you know she will do what she feels is right for all of you and then stay out of it.
2007-06-24 12:01:33 · answer #5 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support your mom; keep your dad in your life. Get a job as soon as you can to help with the bills.
2007-06-24 12:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by M S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with looking at porn. Lots of people do it. I think you should leave that decision to your mom and try to stay out of it for the sake of your own sanity.
2007-06-24 12:01:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your mother was way out of line involving her 14-year-old in her's and your father's very adult problems. All parents go through tough times. They will either work it out, or they won't. Just pray about it. I am so sorry.
2007-06-24 12:25:51 · answer #8 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not your call. they should have never involved you in this. you should be worried about who's going to win the football game this weekend and what to wear to the mall, not this. but since you're already involved, tell your mom how you feel. they brought you into this, you should be able to voice your opinion. good luck! oh, and money's not everything. as long as you can eat, you'll be okay.
2007-06-24 12:02:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your dad needs help. Pornography can actually become an addiction. I would say start with counseling, see if things can be fixed
Good luck and sorry you have to go through this.
2007-06-24 12:00:46 · answer #10 · answered by Yogi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋