Girls, do you ever wish you were a boy so you wouldn't have to choose between children and a career?

Question

It seems like we're forced to choose one or the other, which upsets me because I want both. I adore science and have always dreamed of being a scientist/professor, but I've also always dreamed of being a mommy. Why are women forced into the dilemma of not getting to fulfill their career dreams or not getting to have children, when men get to have both all the time? Don't get me wrong, I love men, but it just is an unfair burden to have to abandon one of my dreams.

I'm not being ignorant. It is inarguable that it's far more difficult to have both when you're female, especially if you want the baby to bond to you and not some caretaker at the daycare center. My field of work would be very demanding and have many hours, so yeah, that does make it pretty hard to raise kids unless you're doing a mediocre job of it. My women's studies professor made this argument herself, so I'm not sure what you're getting at.

Answer 1

This is true. It can be a real problem, particularly in your chosen field. The best I can offer is:

You can have it all, just not at the same time.

Currently, I am a SAHM. I quit my job as soon as my husband got his Master's degree and started working so I could be an at-home Mom. I have a degree in Linguistics and Anthropology. When my kids are all in school, I'll start pursuing a career. I'm not sure what that's going to be yet, but I'll only be 32 when my last baby is in Kindergarten. I can devote myself as fully to my career as I want to then, with no worries about losing job status if I go on maternity leave. I'll probably go easy on the hours, since it's important to me to be an involved mom, but a person could throw herself into a career more easily once she has older kids or teenagers.

There are actually a few benefits to doing it this way, although it's considered the "opposite" way these days. You don't have to struggle with infertility if you have babies in your twenties. You have more energy to chase toddlers. You haven't spent years living as a single or married adult, able to do what you please. You haven't even spent thousands on nice furniture to ruin with baby spit-up! No heartbreaking, "but my job is my identity" vs. "I can't leave my baby" stress.

You might enjoy the book "What Our Mothers Didn't Tell Us" for some more ideas about the benefits of doing "family then career" vs. the more common "career then baby then back to career" lifestyle. There is plenty of information around to applaud waiting and then treating the birth of your child like an appendectomy - time off, then back at your "real" job - so I won't recommend any books from that perspective. "The Second Shift" explores some other problems that working moms face, as well.

Answer 2

NO. It won't be all about you anymore that is for sure but, WE are so privileged, so very lucky to do what we do. If you haven't gone through motherhood, you don't know what you're missing. Its love like no other you've felt and super scary at the same time due to the huge responsibility.

You can still have a career, just make concessions with it, change time-frames, work with it, it will be the best thing you ever did. But keep this in mind, when you have a baby, its your actions that made the new little person, they didn't ask to be born so you need to be ready to care for them to the best of your ability, regardless of what your partner said they were going to do, you must fulfill your obligation to your child. When you're a mother, you have to put aside yourself to some degree and put the child first because they are completely dependent on you for all of their needs. Its still the best investment you'll ever make, so prepare well and give it all you have. Babies, kids, teens, and being an adult child myself, know that they are all so cool and are what being alive is all about so be proud of the fact that you can do what half of the population can't and spread your genetic information. Now that is what we are supposed to do!

Answer 3

No but I have chose a boy fiend over many other things When I was with my last boyfriend I stopped every thing, and made my life about him I did not go work, and did every thing he wanted me to do. I did not go out because he got jealous. I stopped surfing because he hot jealous (I surf again now every day). I did every thing with him that he wanted to do. I did not have a life of my own. Because of this he expected I would do every thing he said. He become violent and very controlling. I started to do some work during the day, but he made it to hard. He would constantly call wanting to know what I was doing. He would get angry because I was not a home. I started surfing again and he did the same thing with that. I left him and felt so free. I would never make the same mistake The comment above is right about relationships not lasting. Although its never to late to start a career. Once you loose him or her the r gone. I say follow your heart. If you love the person then choose the person. Just be prepared that there is a good chance the relationship wont last, then you will regret the choice you made, but you did what made you happy then. Have no regrets No point in regretting some thing, you can not change the past

Answer 4

hi i think you have hit the nail on the head. It is hard this days to do both properly unless your partner is making enough to support 3 people (babies aren't cheap). most women these days have a baby then have to put it into day are at around 6 months because threy can't afford to take anymore maternity leave. In australia (where i live) our population is aging so the government is pushing people to have kids by paying them 5000 dollars after the birth, and then te same government doesn't want to give paid maternity leave or have in work child care. so to answer your question no i have never wanted to be a boy but i do which things were made easier so women could do both and not be like our mothers and stay home with no other life choices.

Answer 5

No, I have never wished that I were a boy so that I wouldn't have to choose between children or a career because I fully intend to have both. Having a career and a family can be tough and sometimes sacrifices have to be made by both spouses. It's not an impossible dream so don't give up on it yet. Sometimes it takes a lot of planning and understanding by both spouses in order to make both a career and being a mommy a workable reality.

Answer 6

Never. My dream in life was always to be a wife and mom. College just helped me to be a better person, a better wife, a better mom. My children are SO precious (they're leaving the nest now), I can't imagine EVER dropping them off for the day at the day care, especially if they weren't old enough to tell me what goes on (teacher pinched me). I'll have a career, when my chicks are out, or maybe that career will just be grandmothering. I still have plenty of time.

Answer 7

Hmm, I don't know. When I was little, I dreamed of being a housewife, just like my mother. But now, the way my life has taken me, I realize that I could never be satisfied by that life. The thought that has popped into my head most recently is to have children very young [I'm thinking somewhere around the age of 19] so that I can persue my own life once the child is grown a little. With that logic, by the time the child is in first class, I will be 24 years old, with plenty of time ahead of me to persue my career dreams. So far, this is the only compromise that I can come up with. I refuse to put my life, at the peak of my career promise, on hold to start a family.

Answer 8

Well, it depends on the dude you are with. Some dudes are domineering and love to know they support -their- woman. Others let woman do whatever the hell they want and are like puppies. Others are both. So it depends on the guy. So, you don't have to choose one if you get the right guy. My mother works and takes care of her children. I really don't wish I was boy though. I enjoy being the chick who hangs with the dudes and steals their clothes. So a lot of the time I am considered one of the boys. So I kind of experience both things....but bleh... I kind of gained the dude's respect so I don't think I'd ever really have to chose.

Answer 9

Infertility can be caused by a huge number of factors: hormone imbalance, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Endometriosis, Anovulatory Cycles, physical blockage, inadequate hormone production, short luteal phase, lack of lutenizing hormone, high levels or prolactin, and many others. How to get pregnant https://tr.im/TqXjZ

Poor nutrition often plays a major role, as does exposure to toxins. Age plays less of a role before menopause than was originally thought. While there are many wonderful naturally minded fertility specialists out there, in many cases it is not possible for them to test for and address any of these possible underlying issues.

Answer 10

Granted, it is much easier for a male to have it all. They aren't expected to take care of the children the way women are. So, they can be free to pursue their dreams and have their children tended to by someone else. Unfortunately, that is not the case for women. Though we can have both, we must work harder for it.