From a womans/wife perspective, does my Wife have any reason to complain? Because I have zero sympothy for her

Question

She is a house wife by choice, who complains about being stuck at home with the kids all day. SHe then complains that she has no adult interaction all day and when I get home from work I don't talk to her. She also complains that I don't help out enough around the house, but I get 2 of the 3 kids ready for bed everynight, I have a full time job which more than provides for my 5 person family, mortage payment, 2 cars, and all the extra crap she could ever want. money is never an issue so she spends as she pleases...

WHY IS SHE COMPLAINING ABOUT HER LIFE????

I told her to put the kids in day care if she's can't "handle it" and go back to work, she is educated and would have no problem finding a job.

so basically, I dont appreciate her house wife duties enough...I don't talk to her enough and she gets mad when I expect her to keep the house clean and change the babies diapers....

again, it was her idea to be a house wife...thus, its her job to take care of this stuff, right?

Answer 1

It's so very familiar. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Somehow, you're supposed to do more but nothing is ever good enough and what is worse? The idea that You "get to go to work" and 'socialize'. ...As if your job is some social event daily that gives you "adult interaction" that "you" somehow are keeping her from having. All your fault in her eyes because she is oh so discontent.

Its not easy, but know that you aren't being unreasonable.
If she goes back to work and does put the kids in daycare, how much of her "work" is going to nothing more than pay the daycare service? What about her gas? Is her paycheck (as yours is) community property or is it "her money"?
Is a daycare really the best thing for the children. She'll have far more impact on their early years than any "socialization" will at daycare. Who is she going to blame when she's tired from working full time? What about the household issues and kids ion the evening then? Who's fault will it be then...again, I'm sorry to say, you're going to be the scapegoat. It frackin sucks! Know that you are not alone. Many men fall into this trap. Their loving sweetheart becomes discontent and then he can do no right and everything in her life is somehow attributed to you keeping her from enjoying life...but the fact that you both made these decisions together is moot, because if she feels a certain way, she feels perfectly justified for how she feels and she's right to feel how she does, so any discussion about compromise becomes concession by the man to her in an attempt to please her when even if you think you have, it will only be temporary until her "feelings" change yet again...

Give this a read and see if you identify with any of these things.

http://www.dont-marry.com/

Good Luck. You are going to need it.

Answer 2

Yes what was she thinking that marriage was a partnership and her husband was her companion, lover and friend for life. You sound like you want the same pat on the back that she does for doing what you committed to as well. Well here it is, pat yourselves on the back for providing for the life and family you choose to have. Give yourself a good round of applause for working a full time job and give her one for being a full time homemaker. While your at it, how about a standing ovation for being well fed, well clothed and healthy?

Now, both of your stop being horrible and childish with each other, get a babysitter or send the kids to the grandparents, relatives or friends for the weekend. Tell everyone you are gone, can ONLY be reached in an emergency. Put the cell phones on vibrate, stick them in a drawer. Turn off the tv and the computer, and for gods sake go take a nap.

When you get up, take a bath together, have something to eat(plan ahead, you aren't going out and scambled eggs are easy), then go back to sleep. Get up, eat again, open a bottle of wine and get back into bed and get stinking drunk. If at that point you can be nice to each other and you remember why you got married in the first place, have sex. Have it again after another nap. You can check your phones now and ONLY RESPOND IF ITS AN EMERGENCY. The kids will survive for 48 hours without hearing from mom and dad, or you can pay for counseling later when they are teens.

Next time, get your priorities straight, you two come first, kids second, and every other fricken thing dead last.

Answer 3

it'll be a no win situation but you need to deal with this hun. for some reason she knows the value of being a stay at home mom YET she is exhausted and realizing this is harder than it looks. she's not disappointed in the job she's disappointed in the rewards. because to be honest there aren't many. ok so here's the solution. you say you make good money....and instead of putting the kids in daycare why not get a helper. someone who will come in and either do all the housework or take care of the kids once or twice a week for a few hours so your wife can get a break. if it's her job then when is her vacation? her days off?? you see you do help her i'm sure but that's like someone making YOU work 24/7 and then your boss telling you to be grateful for you lunch hour!! that's not good, think about it. she just needs to have the freedom to be alone, to be silly, to have a hobby, or to just nap. she's the house CEO, when do her fringe benefits start including personal time off?? so suggest this to her. and as for house work. umm she's choosing to be available to you and your kids. she's a mother and a wife, NOT a slave, not a housekeeper. so dont get upset if she doestn like it. NO ONE likes it. so if she would love to just hang out with the kids and you and NOT mess with chores, don't be grudge her that. since when did being a wife and mother entail cleaning your skid marks and mopping the floor!?!? good luck!

Answer 4

I think men because they go out and earn some money that it pays for everything & are so confused as to why 'the wife' that supposeably has everything is complaining.
Well my dear here is one solution get a housekeeper. Have you any idea how difficul it is to watch & care for kids, plus maintain a house & have no support for any of this. Support means someone who apprciates her 'work' do you have any idea of what it would cost in dollars & cents what she does every day? Her work is as if not more important as the one you clock in & out of everyday. Oh yeah she does not get to clock out.
She needs a little appreciation & adult time what part of that baffles you?
Here is the solution get her a housekeeper (once a week) so she an have time durning the day to do something for herself (pamper). And come home to a nice clean home. If your making money 'to spend as you please' then make it worth while & practical.
You guys are going through a phase when the kids are small & your are working hard at your career. You both have full plates so just take a minute to recognize that & show a little empathy.
When the kids are grown and away you two will have grown close because you at least took a little time & money & helped the other one out.
She maintains the home while you bring in the $$ for the home. Sounds like a partnership to me.

Answer 5

I think everything in life has at least two sides to it....Your side is clear, and I think you have a valid viewpoint.
But the thing is...You two are married. You decided to share your lives and now you have kids, too.

If money is not a problem and she is an educated woman, perhaps she could consider going to therapy and finding out why she's feeling this way and what she can do about it. You two are a team and should work hard at making this relationship work- It takes "two to tango", right?

Try talking to her and explaining that you feel you are doing your share, and that you need to understand what is going through her head in order to have less stress in your marriage. (Men and women think differently- and maybe she's afraid or embarrased to tell you things she is feeling because she knows she will sound like a spoiled or immature person.)
Ask her to help herself -and also look for God. He is the Best Doctor around...! Good luck....

Answer 6

We went thru sort of the same thing. Try getting out, just the 2 of you. Ideally, a weekend away together. Or just an evening out, a "date nite." We had a detached garage which opened out into an alley. We would hire the neighbor teenager to come over & watch our kids while we "ran errands." We would go see a movie, or walk in the park, or many times the car never left the garage. Many times we had car sex, many times we just sat & talked. But those stolen moments were valuable and precious. By nature, the kids have to come first in your life, but take a couple of hours every now and then and put each other first. And, I'll bet you haven't had car sex since you had kids. LOL

Answer 7

Regardless parenting should be done by both parents but she does'nt seem to have anything to complain about. I work two jobs and make sure all the bills are paid and clean house on my days off while b/f stays at home with the kids until he can go back to work. He complains about the same things. BUT I am still a parent to my children.

Answer 8

Darlin, you have my sympathy.

I read about your wife's situation and think, "what on earth are you bitching about? I'd kill to have a man like that", but I don't know ALL the issues.

It sounds like your wife may be suffering from one or more of a few ailments:

A) The "I don't remember what's its like NOT to have it good, so I don't appreciate it anymore" syndrome.

B) The "Oh man, maybe I made a mistake and should have gone to school and/or gotten a job....but I'm afraid to go back out into the real world again" complex.

C) The "I think I used to have my own dreams but I think they've gotten lost with all those socks in the dryer" fears.


This lady needs some counseling....and don't take this badly, but perhaps marital counseling would help, too. Sounds like you are both just going on with your individual "jobs" and losing each other, the special-ness of your individual personalities and of your marriage in the process. It's fairly typical, and with a little help you can both get through it.

Answer 9

WOW -for someone who is sucessful in his business, I am amazed at you inability to see the problem. Your wife maybe "complaining" but do you REALLY listen to what she sais? or do you get the macho attitude (as your questions so apparently showed) and tune her out, since you have heard it all before?? she may not be truly complaining at all - but asking for a little more emotional interaction with the man she loves (and i am sure if she saw this, she may question that theory all together). WHY ARE YOU TAKING SOOOOOO MUCH TIME TO PUT ALL OF THIS IN YAHOO BUT NOT IN A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR WIFE??? THINK ABOUT IT - I THINK YOU WILL SEE THAT A PART OF THE PROBLEM LIES WITH IN YOU AND NOT ONLY ON HER. The "wifely duties" you sooooo eloquantly stated, SHOULD BE APPRECIATED pal!!! Not because she is a stay at home wife (of course, by her own choice), but BECAUSE she is your wife and everything she does for you and your family SHOULD BE whole heartedly APPRECIATED!!!!!!
YOU MAY BE FINANCIALLY ABLE TO LET HER SPEND MONEY ON ALL THE "CRAP" SHE WANTS - BUT THERE IS SOOOOO MUCH MORE TO LIFE AND RAISING A FAMILY THAN THAT. GET OFF THE COMPUTER PAL - GO AND DOOOOOOO SOMETHING WITH THOSE BLESSED CHILDREN, AND APPRECIATE THE NON-FINANCIAL GIFTS YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN.

Answer 10

well although it was her choice as you say that doesn't mean that she is going to be happy all the time. I am a stay at home Mom kinda by choice and kinda cause we really couldn't pay for day care. anyway it is very hard to be home with kids all day....her choice or not...you get to leave your job every day and leave it behind you till the next day she has this job 24/7 it NEVER ENDS...it can be very over whelming, yes you work hard to I'm so not denying you that at all, but like I said you get to leave your job take vacation days, sick days, holidays (you get my point I hope) when does she get a break? you also (I assume) talk to co-workers throughout the day maybe even have lunch with them from time to time, your wife gets to be with kids all day her choice or not, you are very stuck on saying its her choice maybe she is torn and feels like she would be a bad Mom if she went back to work and put the kids in day care....being a stay at home Mom is very hard we love our kids but when does she get to have a break???