I have a friend who got engaged after only dating for a month or two. I'm afraid that they decided to get married when they were still in the lovey dovey phase, and now it seems to be waring off. Before he proposed, she was very affectionate, and now she's not anymore, and says that that's just the way she is. She just seems totally wrong for him. He wants constant affection, someone to cook for him, and he loves the outdoors and the heat. She seems cold and distant, isn't very affectionate, actually told her friends that he's a big kid who needs to grow up, she doesn't cook, she owns a restaurant, but won't even bring food home,works the opposite hrs that he does so they never spend time together, hates the heat. This is her 1st marriage & she's 40 and wants kids. It's his 3rd, he's 48, and doesn't want kids. I'm afraid she just sees this as her last chance. I want 2 b a good friend, but I'm not sure that supporting the marriage is the best way. He's been hitting on another woman too.
2007-06-24 09:14:08 · 25 answers · asked by Julie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are talking about people who have been around the block a few times, not some 18 yr old. Stay out of it unless you have a big stake in it.
2007-06-24 09:21:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's great to see that you're a caring friend and want this to come out alright in the end, but face it hon, chances are good that even if you do speak your peace, they will do what they want to.
These two people are 40 and 48....in other words, adults, although they sound like they are ignoring all the facts while trying to make believe that their life together will be happy and full of satisfaction. All the red flags are waving....if they chose to ignore them, then that is their choice. They aren't blind.
I think by all means you can speak with concern to your friend, but be sure to point out your issues just as you have here: clearly, without emotion, using facts, not feelings. Then stand back and watch this go down the drain.....if they get married I give them less than 2 years, tops.
God bless you for caring.
2007-06-24 09:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes. Sounds like a trainwreck. You didn't say how long the engagement is going to be, but if everyone's picking up on the distance growing between the couple at this point, I'm sure it's not secret to them, either. Your friend - or his fiancee - might have the good sense to back out before they both make a huge mistake. As far as putting your two cents in, I would maintain my silence unless directly asked for an opinion. With forty-eight years and two marriages behind him, I think your friend is experienced enough to handle his own personal issues. Kudos on being a good friend, though :)
2007-06-24 09:24:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him some questions that will help him think about what he is doing or that will help lead into a conversation about his relationship with her. When you see him hitting on another woman ask him "why get married if you still want to date other people?" He might be settling too (due to his age). Ask him "I didn't realize you wanted kids, how many kids are you two planning for?" Or, "You know I'm always here for you, but are you sure you'll be happy in the future...I've always pictured you with an outdoorsy type person who is a good cook!"
2007-06-24 09:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by litlredm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hell yes tell him!!!! Just tell him you want him to be happy and wonder if this is the best way for him to get there. Tell him what you see....and then, let him make his own decision. Tell him you care for him and will support whatever decision he makes. Don't tell him "i told you so" if he goes through with it and divorces shortly after. Personally, unless he has a very high emotional pain threshold, this won't last long.
2007-06-24 10:53:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is stupid.She is too if she marries him, but sounds like she is planning on getting pregnant and then dumping him and suing for child support.He better postpone the wedding and tell her it is off for a yr or 2.Even if he loses her.You can TRY explaining this to him,chances are he will be getting divorced a 4th time.
2007-06-24 09:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi sometimes we are put into these kinds of things ok the best thing i can think of it sounds like your the one for him but maybe not as a good caring friend if you cant tell him leave him a not with no nmae on it an type it were he cant tell its you ok or e-mail him it up to you an yes i agree with you my brother inlaw did what you friend did an they have kids an alot of problems so hope this helps good luck
2007-06-24 09:22:44 · answer #7 · answered by candi m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you should not. Keep your mouth shut if you want to keep the friendship.
If things work out, be happy for him. If things do not, be a friend through the tough time.
You can remind him that he is marrying soon, and that it is probably in poor taste to be so flirtatious, however it is in your best interest to keep the commentary on his choice of women to yourself.
2007-06-24 09:18:03 · answer #8 · answered by smedrik 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, well, what a great catch he is. And, it only took him two months of dating and an engagement for him to be flirting, too! And YOU think YOU need to warn HIM about HER?
Why don't you ask her if she feels she should marry him, given that he's already flirting with someone.
2007-06-24 09:43:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would voice your opinion in the nicest way possible so he doesn't think that you are against him. But if your going to do it act fast before they do get married, if you think you can stop it then act now. Sounds like she is totally not the right one for him at all.
2007-06-24 09:18:56 · answer #10 · answered by little-co-co 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋