I am dealing with a serious dilemna. I gave my heart and soul away 15 years ago to someone and never got it back. He left. Not for someone else, but he left because the stress from his family and mine took its toll. I got involved with another man, had a child, and eventually ended up marrying this man. I loved him, but I could never get over my first love. And we found each other recently, both realizing that we still love each other. I don't want to hurt my family, especially my children. But my heart belongs to someone else. I tried so many times to let him go, and he tried to let me go. But we are still very much in love with each other. My husband and I have always had problems not getting along...so my question is "Is this fate"? I know the cliche that if you love someone, let them go...and if they return, it is meant to be. But I do have a family...i don't know what to do....I am not a whore, or slut.....but my heart is not in my marriage anymore...and it probably never was.
2007-06-24 09:04:37 · 8 answers · asked by creamy2005 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No it isnt fate.It is YOUR choice.If my wife was trying to hook up with an ex b/f I would guarantee the marriage would be RIDDLED with problems hon.You settled for someone you did not really love because your ex was TOO WEAK to stand up for you and himself to your families, what makes you think he will now especially since they will REALLY give you BOTH hell for wanting to destroy your children's lives and home?It IS whorish for a married woman to cheat on her man regardless of how much she loves her adulterous b/f who has NO regard for marriage or her kids well being.In this case, you do not seem to either.You need to stay with your husband and tell that loser ex of your it is HIS fault for being a wimp and leaving.Then be a decent wife and mother and a lot of your problems will cease.
2007-06-24 09:11:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly don't feel any love for your husband than get a divorce, but remember this man will not be the same man you knew 15 years ago. We all grow and if you and he expect to pick up from you left off it won't happen. Old loves can stay in our heart and make us think we still love them, and maybe a lot of do, but to go back in time 15 years isn't wise. You and this old love need to start from now, that is why it is important to divorce your husband before even starting anything with this other guy. Once you've started the divorce then see where it goes from there. Don't make a second mistake by wanting someone from a long time ago who may not be the same person you remember. Good Luck
2007-06-24 16:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as fate, honey. There's just LIFE.
You were wrong to marry this man when you say you "could never get over [your] first love", and to have a child with him. Now you are making a choice that will affect your husband and your child as well as you, and that's unfair.
I say, you made a vow so you should honor it, particularly since you have a child who need a mom and a dad, not mom, dad, stepdad, stepmom, etc., etc., etc...... When the kid is 18, do what you want; it won't affect your child so much at that point.
Otherwise, all you are doing is tearing your child's family apart so that you can FEEL good. Since when are feelings more important than commitment, and YOUR feelings more important than both your husband's and your childs? You made them both a solemn promise when you got married and when you got pregnant. Keep your word.
If you do decide to leave for the man who loved you so much that you both let "stress" destroy your relationship, let your husband keep the child. You have no right to take child to another man to raise.
2007-06-24 16:13:48 · answer #3 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that sometimes you do meet someone you have an exeptional connection with.
It doesn't happen to everyone.
My guess would be that your husband is not happy either.
If your feelings for this other person are that strong you will not be able to put them aside to concentrate on your marrige.
Why not sit down with your hubby and talk through your unhappiness(maybe not mentioning the other guy yet).
A frank discussion may be what both of you need.At least then you will know where you stand regards your marrige.Then you are in a better place to decide whether to renew this relationship or leave it in the past.
2007-06-24 16:11:02 · answer #4 · answered by bungle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your heart wasn't it your marriage from the beginning, then why waste that man time, his life. You playing around with peoples feelings, why. I can't say stay with him because you don't love him but you ruined a few years of his life knowing all along you love someone else, that is mess up. Then you running back to a man who left you. What are you going to do when he leave you again run back to your husband and claim to have love for him again. girl get it together. If you let your husband leave him along for good
2007-06-24 16:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by Babygurl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce your husband in order to be with the man you truly love.
2007-06-24 16:13:28 · answer #6 · answered by ldmhuston 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i know people who stay for the kids. my husband left me for a woman he loved. we have four kids. trust me, i was angry at first. but i deserve to be loved by a great guy, and one day it'll happen. and you deserve it too. and my kids are fine, they miss their father but we are not broken and we are very happy!!
2007-06-24 16:15:30 · answer #7 · answered by The Cougar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it makes sense in your heart as well as you head, then you need to pursue it. Tell hubby first, do not cheat on him.
2007-06-24 16:14:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋