A few nights ago, I attended a leaving do for a guy I know really well. He was drunk and suggested we all go to a lap-dancing club. I was pretty drunk too and all of us (7 in all) decided to go.
While there, I had two lap-dances, one in private. It was a contact lap-dance, in that she was allowed to touch me but this only involved gyrating and dancing on my lap. For neither lap-dance, was I in any way turned on.
However, in the private lap-dance, to my eternal shame, there was minimal touching of her on my part. Once that lap-dance was over and I handed her the money, I immediately had a sick feeling in my stomach. We left the club and I was re-assured by one other guy that it wasn't cheating and that he was going to ring his girlfriend the next day and they would laugh about it.
I'm with the girl for 4 months and am absolutely infatuated/in love with her. If I tell her, I fear she should break up with me.I vow never to go again.Should I just put it down to experience or tell her?
2007-06-24 07:14:08 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you all very much for your answers. And yes...I will try to be less of a neanderthal in future:-( The only thing is that I haven't experience of strip bars and never received a lap-dance. The whole thing happened so fast. I have been reading posts for other questions and it has become clear that most women don't regard this as "harmless fun". I HONESTLY didn't think this was the case - I actually never put much thought into it. I do understand why it is now. I think I became de-sensitised to the whole thing because of hearing about it so much.
I REALLY don't want her to think that she's not good enough for me or something - she is a bazillion times better at turning me on than any of the girls in the strip bar and satisfies me in countless other ways.
She's actually out of the country at the mo (I know..sigh) and comes from quite a conservative culture. This really worries me.
My follow up question is:
Is it definite grounds for dismissal?
2007-06-24 08:26:37 · update #1
Ok, I am deciding not to tell her on the grounds that:
- I don't know what her reaction will be. I really love her and just can't afford to lose her.
- If I tell her, what does it achieve? It appeases my guilt and transfers pain to her. It also may make her unnecessarily paranoid (I'm NEVER going again and she is the woman for me).
- If I had thought that I would have had these feelings, I would never have gone. I just didn't put any thought into it. In my own mind, if I really wanted to cheat on her, I would go to some night club and try and get a girl there, where so much more can happen.
- What I did was disrespectful to her, but I don't think it was cheating as I imagine it. I won't do anything like it again
- My attitude is now to move on with the relationship, put it down to a bad mistake and just be a great boyfriend.
- I just found out that she is going through a tough time and I want to be strong for her and not introduce any more worry for her.
Hope ppl understand.
2007-06-25 09:03:59 · update #2
We are human and do make mistakes. Consider that a bad choice/mistake and dont do it again. As far as telling her, do so only if it will make you feel better, but know that she might not understand and maybe she will admire you for telling the truth. If it were me, and I was not married to the other party, I would just consider it a bad choice and mistake and let it go at that. You know her better than anyone, so the choice is yours. Good luck.
2007-06-24 08:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you had aex through a lap-dance. It is not any worse than picking up someone on the street and having sex with him/her. Go to a doctor and get checked for sexually transferred diseases. You could have picked something up like that just by participating. Telling the woman/man you love that you have been involved with something like this will change the relationship between you, regardless. You are NOT married so right now, your life choices are your own, but I hope you did use prevention for the sake of your own health as well as the girl you say that you "like" or "love".
2007-06-29 23:26:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me get this straight.. You went to a strip club with some work buddies for a going away party and got one lap dance- but apparently didn't feel all that bad so you got another one in a private room and then decided to feel badly about it? Did you tell your gf? Oh and ofcourse the "guys" in the group are going to tell you it's "not cheating" they are idiots... I would tell her, because sooner/later she's going to find out... We always do and then it's going to be really bad.. If she doesn't care fine... However, if you really love her and care about her, why bother with those places you could've had acouple overpriced drinks and left it at that. Why bother with the lap dance/private dance? Or she could've just dance for you later (for free!!!) Sucker !!!! I would maybe cough up some cash, like what you spent for pathetic lap dances and take her to dinner and move and a nice piece of jewlery... Try next time to not be such a neanderthal.
2007-06-24 07:23:18 · answer #3 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No it's not definate grounds for dismissal, if you are honest with her. She may be upset with you at first, but I think She will appreciate your honesty more. I mean drinking is not a excuse, but it doesn't help either, I'm sure you wouldnt have done this if you had been sober. SO suck it up and tell her. Assure her that it was a mistake and make sure you tell her how much you love and care for her. Good luck and I am sure everything will work out.
2007-06-24 09:24:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her so you can get it off your chest, she has a right to know whats going on if you place any value in the relationship, she will get angry at first, but its better to be honest and admit the wrong of your actions rather than keep it inside and have her find out another way, if she loves you then she will try to work things out with you, as long as you apologize, try to make things up to her and dont do anything behind her back again....
2007-06-29 13:50:33 · answer #5 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really truly love her then the best thing to do is be honest with her. Talk to her! At least let her know what happened. Because hiding it really may hurt your relationship in the future. If she really cares for you too she will listen and understand. Hope all goes well!
2007-06-24 07:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If i was her i would respect you for telling. If you are really nervous find away to find out what she thinks of those types of places first. That way you are more prepared for her reaction.
2007-06-24 07:22:40 · answer #7 · answered by SiberianHusky_8 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell her. It will make you feel better and yes she will probably be upset, but she'll get over it and begin to trust you more for being honest with her.
2007-06-24 07:45:35 · answer #8 · answered by sherri c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now that you have the women's point of view....
Do not tell her! If you do she will use it against you for the rest of your life.....Besides, she isn't going to tell you about any girl's nights out that she has had or will have...
2007-06-24 07:47:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋