wound up tightly, ready to spring
release only comes from the drink
and the drugs stop me from being a prick
from a life time that smells just like stink
soundless thoughtsstirring within the head
look over now, ten people lay dead
broken words sold the midget said
the demonic monster will be fed
with a southern drawl the man he spoke
most people around here are good folk
social issues, paranoid on coke
please excuse me while i take a toke
the soldiers face all covered in scars
sitting so drunk in his local bar
hearing the voice of dead irish dah
round here things dont change, they are
sacrificed myself to pay the rent
im sure thats not what they really meant
emotionally got twisted and sorta bent
fighting back till im totally spent
2007-06-24 06:56:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Yes. But without the drug references and the bad rhyming scheme.
Tighten the poem up a bit and leave a little more for the reader to imagine.
2007-06-24 07:00:23 · answer #1 · answered by speranzacampbell 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have lots of stuff like that only they are disorderly not rhyming like like yours.
2007-06-28 07:18:34 · answer #2 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
round and round, it seems like you go,
don't give up........you never know
times can be bad, times can be good,
live your life, like you know you should
don't see things that are so much bull,
always remember, your glass is half full
Most of all, never give up...
And I sure do wish you ...alot of luck..!!!
2007-06-24 14:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋