I think my husband is cheating on me with a gay guy?

Question

O.K, I really need some advice here. I have been happily married for 4 years. The other day while I was washing the dishes, my husband left his cell phone on the counter and it started ringing. I answered and it was some guy, I asked him for his name and if he wanted to leave a message. He told me his name was Andrew and then he just hung up. I really didn't think it was a big deal. That night I asked my husband who Andrew was and he told me an old coworker. I really didn't think anything about it and then he took the phone and ran upstairs. The following day, he came home from work really late, which he hasn't done in about 3 years. I asked him where he was and he couldn't answer me because he was stone cold drunk. Then a couple nights later he came home and then immediately brushed his teeth and took a shower when he got home. His clothes also smelled like man's cologne thats not his. What should I do, because I am very scared that he is cheating on me?

Answer 1

Play YMCA and see if he dances.

Answer 2

ooops..Houston, we have a problem! From your description, your husband's actions certainly are familiar to me. He is bisexual, which means little in the total scope of things, for it is highly doubtful that the "other" man is a real threat to you. Many married men need an occasion escape into Gay sex as a release from the need building up. Not much you can do about it. IF this is an issue with you, sit down and come to some kind of decision..are you better off with him or without him....he will probably not change in the long run. If you find you are better off without him, then don't even bother hiring an investigator, just keep your eyes open and go from there. You need no reasons to file for divorce, so why waste money on a PI ? I will say the "cold drunk" has me confused..this is not the action of someone who is tricking. The biggest danger you face is disease, not loss of husband. IF your husband does not have the sense to practice safe sex (IF he is playing around), you are at risk. Get an HIV and Hep C test done now. If you are clean, then go from there. At this point, I would say your marriage is in serious trouble, for you already think your husband is bi, and from the sounds of it, you don't take kindly to it. I will also add, I get a lot of very strange calls on my cell phone, even one strange text message from Nebraska....I live in California! My mate saw the text and asked what was going on...I was at a loss. And it seems that all people I know get strange phone calls on their cells at one time or another...so consider that also. This may be much to do about nothing, or it may be a real thing. Again, keep your eyes open. Good luck and peace.

Answer 3

That's a rough question to have to deal with. Most women find it traumatic but in the end, if he is cheating on you with a gay man, you need to know. It has nothing to do with you; the problem is all his.

What you describe sounds like the answer is probably yes, but you need to be sure and not go on guesses.

You have to choose whether you're going to investigate on your own or hire a PI. Or you can simply try to confront him calmly and see how he responds. My ex was seeing other women and when I asked him if he was seeing anyone, he got on his high horse and I knew I'd hit a nerve.

You also need to get tested for aids, and, if you talk to him, you'll have to insist that he be tested as well.

Someone recommended using a condom when you have sex with your husband. If he refuses to get tested, I would do this. No condom and no test = no sex.

Bottom line, if he's cheating with either another man or a woman, the only way you can love him is to let him go.

Answer 4

Cheating is cheating - even if with another woman or man. This Andrew could be a front for a woman who wants to get with your husband. Andrew makes the phone call for the other woman. Some women's cologne smell very similar to a mans one - don't be fooled by the smell or by your husband.

Answer 5

To begin with.... This may be nothing at all. I mean 1 time in 3-4 years that he comes in drunk? Even the mans cologne could be explained somehow. Let it go until you definitely have more proof. You'd hate to go to extremes only to be proven a fool wouldn't you? Wait to see if this type of thing happens again, then set him down for a one on one. Trust is one of the biggest issues within a marriage. Don't ruin it over nothing. Make sure of your accusations first.

Answer 6

TRUST, TRUST, TRUST: Every marriage should have it, and a lot of it. Whether it is a man or a woman - if you truly feel he is cheating......than NAIL HIM. Confront him head on, and say you do not understand the secret calls, showers and colognes. MAKE HIM ANSWER WITH HONESTY. It could be that he is just out playing poker and not telling you about it....but no matter what, CONFRONT HIM. IF YOU CANT TRUST YOUR HUSBAND, 100% EACH AND EVERY DAY = THAN CONSIDER WHAT IS IN FRONT OF YOU AND DECIDE IF YOU BOTH WANT TO MAKE ANY COMPRIMISES TO FIX IT.

Answer 7

Okay.. this is what you do. Get a voice activated tape recorder and leave it under your bed where he can't find it. Or, in a place that you know he would go to talk on the phone. Leave for a bit and wait for him to call this guy. You'll hear the conversation and then you'll know what's up. You can even hide the recorder in his car. This works.. I've done and busted people before.

Answer 8

Do not have sex with your husband until you find out. You don't want AIDS. Tell your husband you are going out one evening and won't be home until 9-10 p.m. Then hire a private investigator to follow him. Or, you can arrange to have a GPS tracking unit put on his car while you monitor it from home on your computer. This is costly, but it might be worth it for 1 month.

Answer 9

I would do some investigating and find out if he is indeed cheating. It sure sounds fishy to me and I would probably check into things because if you ask him, he will most likely just lie to you. Do some searching on who Andrew is by running down his phone number or if you know your husband is going out, use a friends car and follow him. Keep a distance so he doesn't see you and see for yourself what happens.

I had someone cheat on me with another woman once, and feel for you because wether man or woman, cheating just hurts and is wrong. I found out by similar signs that you have, mysterious phone calls, increased internet useage, business trips kept coming up.. I know it is a bit unethical, but I broke into his email and read all about the women he was cheating on me with. I thought just one, turned out to be quite a few. I also ran his email address in google and found him in a number of dating site databases. It was an eye opener.

Look into it. The rules of ethical get thrown out when they decide to break their vows and cheat. So play a bit dirty, do some spying and find out what you need to know.. then dump out of the relationship, heal yourself and build a great life without him in it.

Answer 10

Honey, this is very serious. Lots of men are doing this and not telling there wives. And the next they know, they have HIV. I guess the husbands think they can't catch it or whatever. If you think he is with another man, then yu need to confront him immediately and get to the bottom of this. I hope i have not scared you, but I have read articles about this and I'm not kidding.

Answer 11

FIRST.. ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM WITH YOUR HUSBAND NO MATTER WHAT... if he is cheating you dont need to be taking in his things he is bringing into your bed... trust me when i say PROTECT YOURSELF... I think you should tell him if there is anything he needs to say to you in honesty to help you and him have better communication about things he might be going through that he needs to do it now.. because you are a little worried due to his DISTANCE...

I have been in a relationship where the other was distant... I have also cheated before... when i started hiding things.. that was when he knew...

YOu have to ask for honesty.. As long as this man is not abusive... you should be able to get the info you want with just straight forward questions.

My aunts husband was cheating on her with a man and now she has HEP c..... you have to be careful...

SEXUALLY TRANSIMITTED DISEASES are passed when people dont protect themselves.. if your hubby is drinking alot lately to hide his "FEELINGS" of confusion.. help him out.. tell him you wont allow him to cheat on you.

YOU WONT SIT BACK and wait for the day he will tell you he wants another.. whether a woman or man... you are his wife he committed to you and if he cant be faithful in talking to you or sleeping around... then you want out.

PROTECT YOURSELF.. my aunt died of aids given to her by her hubby...

I HOPE THIS HELPS.. TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE...